I've been with my boyfriend for 4years. I love him more than anything, we have a wonderful relationship. We do live together and I go to college too. I want to get married, but when he talks to his buddies he makes marriage sound terrible. How long do I wait before I give up?
2006-08-18 04:39:34 · 40 answers · asked by Rae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should at least discuss it before you give up. If you already have discussed it, maybe it's time now. Sounds like you are at a different place in your life than he is.
2006-08-18 08:40:28 · answer #1 · answered by Sausage Fingers™ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Four years is way too long to wait for a marriage proposal. Because once one proposes there is still a matter of making preparations that can take up to a year or more.
After investing one year with an individual you should know whether or not you want to make that commitment. You should ask him if he is contemplating marriage and if it will be with you. Are you willing to wait another four years?
2006-08-18 04:47:19 · answer #2 · answered by adiahudo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a "date a year, engaged a year" rule... If you begin your relationship at ages when marriage is appropriate, an interest in marriage is clear one way or the other by the 1 year mark. That doesn't necessarily mean you're married after a year, but there's a big difference between having the mutual knowledge that you and your partner plan to be married in the future and are waiting until a certain time to do so (ex. waiting until you both have obtained your degrees, etc.) versus stringing yourself or the other along hoping something miraculous will occur.
Be honest with yourself and do what your gut instinct tells you is right for you.
Good luck!
2006-08-18 05:00:01 · answer #3 · answered by southyrn_belle_4ever 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well if I were you, I would talk to him about it. And make sure he's on the same level as you. If he's talking to his boys about marriage in a negative way, I am not too sure if he's ready at this point in time. If you are still in college, finish up and do what is best for yourself, dont let ANYTHING hinder your education and success in whatever you may do in life. If you live w/ him already, he probably already thinks he's in a marriage, so maybe he sees no point, i dont know, my best bet, have a good long conversation w/ him and find out what's really going on. 5 Years is my limit! But everyone is different and there are always different situations. Good luck!
2006-08-18 04:46:35 · answer #4 · answered by Informer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first make sure that he is the one for you. You can tell if a man loves you. Believe me. His actions always speak louder than his words. Make sure that you evaluate that over and over. Then if you decide that he loves you and you clearly love him, have a serious talk with him and let him know that you can not wait around and shack up much longer. If he does not have marriage in mind, he really just wants the milk and not the cow. So you need to find someone who's gonna take your heart in consideration and do the responsible thing with you. If you are christian, more than anything, I suggest that you pray over this commitment and he will let whatever needs to happen ..happen.
If he's young, he probably just doesn't want to settle down yet.
Good luck and I hope he's the one for you.
2006-08-18 04:57:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know someone who waited 18 years! - They're now married and have been for 14 years.
I wouldn't want to marry him anyway till' he grows up and can have a bit more respect for you in fornt of his friends when the marriage subject comes up.
Why do you want to be married??? In a sence you already are and if you think he has a hold on you now it'll get worse once you sign that paper!
Don't you want to finish school first? Not that that matters but it would seem like things would go a lot smoother! Do you really want to be planning a wedding while attending school? It is a stressful thing!
2006-08-18 04:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There isn't a time limit, unless you listen to Dr. Phil, who says 3 yrs is the maximum. I would have a serious conversation with him, tell him your feelings. Let him know that you want to get married and if he doesn't he needs to let you know, otherwise, even though you love him, you need to move on and find someone who has the same goals in mind. You don't want to be waiting around for the next 2-5 yrs and he takes off on you and marries someone else after a 6 month courtship.
2006-08-18 05:03:04 · answer #7 · answered by msmolner 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think there is a particular time to wait or not to wait it will happen when he is ready you dont want him proposing to you before he is ready to then you are bound for disaster....sit him down talk to him and ask him how he feels about marriage and where he thinks the relationship is and when he thinks is enuf time to wait....involve him hey he might be clueless let him in on the insight and make him see that marriage is not a bad thing but something you should be completely ready for!!
2006-08-18 04:48:51 · answer #8 · answered by LUCKYGIRL 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old are you two? My bf and I have been dating for 6 years but we are only 22 and 23. I just graduated college and he is still going for his bachelors. We want to get married but its just not the smart thing to do right now, we can't even afford to be living together. I think all men make marriage out to be horrible. I would talk to him about it, see if he sees marriage in his future or what. If he doesn't, then think about leaving.
Good Luck
2006-08-18 05:13:49 · answer #9 · answered by cmp8423 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, when I was with my first boyfriend of 4 years (during the end of high school & some of college) I thought he was the one, I hinted around that Id like to get engaged & told him straight out that I wanted a promise ring for Valentines day. I got the promise ring but still left him about 8-1/2 months later. (My point being any kind of a ring, doesnt absoultely guarentee forever)
As Ive gotten a bit older, and Im now in my second long term relationship, Im not in a rush as much as I once was. There are downsides to living together & there are downsides to getting married. I look at happy couples that have been together for years but arent married, like Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell. My best advice would be to ask him, do you see us getting married anytime in the near future? And dont rush him. Im 23 now & still in college, I want to get some of my stuff straight before adding marriage to my work load. Good luck!
2006-08-18 05:03:00 · answer #10 · answered by Ashley 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have you asked him straight-on what his plans are for this relationship? He may be happy with the status quo, but if you're not, you need to let it be known. Sounds like he's not "ready" to get married - and, who knows, he may not be "ready" for another 10 years. I don't know how old you are - maybe you have the time to wait longer; I personally tend to feel that waiting for an engagement for more than a year or two is wasting one's time. If it hasn't happened yet - it ain't gonna happen. And women "run out of time" faster than men do, biologically - so the longer we spend in a dead-beat relationship, the less opportunities we will have to find a real one in the future.
2006-08-18 04:57:17 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋