Can I trust him?

Question

I have been married to my husband for almost 13 years. We have been together for 14 1/2 years. A few days ago he told me had been having an affair that lasted a few months, with someone he has known for a while, the last time he was with her being only a few weeks ago, right before we went on a family vacation (I have a daughter from a previous relationship, who idolizes him and he is the only father she has known). He tells me that he loves me and that he regrets the affair and that he has been married to me for so long he is afraid of not being married to me. I love him with all my heart (the broken heart) and don't know how to move past this. He has been so attentive lately and checks in with me all the time, but the hurt is so bad I don't know what to do. HELP PLEASE!!! Is it worth trying to work out or should I take my broken heart and run?

Answer 1

Oh, how the eyes do wander... :-(

I always tend to give people a million chances but you'll know soon enough when enough is enough. Sounds like he is really trying, I would give him that. It is still too early to tell if he is a keeper so give it some more time, don't stress yourself over it. You're not on a deadline.

In the meantime, surround yourself with good friends and hobbies. And more importantly, see to it that he's given the other woman completely up....by that I mean, no emails, no phone calls, no meetings, no anything! If he's willing and does it whole heartedly, he may be a keeper. If not, he's not worth your trouble.

Answer 2

You guys obviously need to sit and have a serious talk about what happened. Men don't cheat on a woman they love for no reason. There must of been a reason why he did it. It would be a shame to let go of something that has been there for so long. It sure looks like he does love you because why else would he stick around so long with you even though the daughter you have is not his. Look if you feel that it won't work out talking about it just the two of you then go to counseling it really works out good. That is what will determine if things will work out for both of you in the long run.

Answer 3

A one-time affair should not break up a 13 year marriage. Make sure you both go to the doctor to get tested for STD's, and if it was only the one time and it's definitely OVER with her, I would forgive him. I know it must really hurt and be a big turn off, but keep talking to him about this, I hope it works out because it sounds like you both really love each other and he's the "dad" for your child. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think he just made a terrible mistake and now realizes it. He sounds truly sorry. If you want to stay with him, you should tell him that he's going to have to be patient with you. He will need to respect you when you ask 20 questions when he goes somewhere or whatever, because right now you don't trust him. His attentiveness will only last a short while. This doesn't mean he still doesn't care. Take time and see how things go, and expect bad days, but don't jump at leaving him just yet. Worst case, take some time apart to clear your head.

Answer 5

The saying is once a cheater always a cheater. But you are the only one that can make the decision. You have to do whats best for you and your daughter. If you honestly feel that this will never happen again and want to try, then maybe you should both go to couples counseling. It will be allot easier to forgive then it will ever be to forget. Good Luck

Answer 6

My advice would be to go through couples counseling. It will help you to figure out if you even want to try to fix things. My husband and I went through something similar, involving cheating too, and we had decided to separate, but just to be sure, since we have a son together, we went through counseling. It helped us to both understand the other side so much better and it helped us to see that neither of us were really ready to give up on things. It has been about a year since we stopped the counseling and we have never been happier. I wish you the best of luck, either way it ends up.

Answer 7

I think you can trust him if you want to. And I think you want to trust him. Forgiving is the easy part, forgetting makes it harder. This is a confrontation you have to face and no matter what the outcome, face it.

I think it's best to listen to your heart and if that tells you to stay then stay, should it tell you to run then do so. We all make mistakes and with that in mind you should find out whether your husband is still worthy enough in your eyes despite the stain he carries with him. But especially since you mention that you love him even through a broken heart tells me that you'd rather stay.

Answer 8

That sounds really tuff, I would try to make things work for a little while, especially since you have been together for so long, and If it doesnt work out then I would mabey think about leaving. That is the tuffest thing to have to go through in a realationship and I wish you luck!! The first step was admitting he did something wrong so that is one good thing, its better than you finding out yourself.

Answer 9

If you love him and you both want to make this work, seek counselling right away. Having affairs is not something anyone should accept but it might be worth trying to work it out if you both feel that there is something to salvage here.

Answer 10

Yes Trust him, he obviously cares about you, by him telling you. Guys mess up, I know I have, and as for running, don't leave just yet. With love, you need to learn to forgive, but if he does it again, then kick him out, he's then just playing with your heart! But I want to say this again, He obviously loves you because he told you what happened, and guys do mess up. Give him a second chance, but if he screws up again, then say bye bye to him.