Help me get my man back!!!?

Question

My husband and I have been seperated for a year. I want to resolve our problems, but I'm unsure if he does. He said that he did at one point. But after finding out that I had been dating others, he doesn't know if he can get past it. I dated to get my mind off of him and to meet other people, but I STILL am in love w/ him. I met some potential "candidates;" however, I can't move on until I've tried EVERYTHING to keep my family intact. FYI...he doesn't trust me and swears that I had sex with some or even all of these men--BUT I DIDN'T!!! I just couldn't go there...because my heart still belongs to him.

HELP!!!!!

1. We went to counseling (seperately as well as together). My therapist suggested that I begin dating because she believed that the relationship was over and I needed to move on with my life.
2. I figured that I would follow the doctor's orders. Afterall, he WAS dating other women. He wasn't even subtle in his comparisons between us. NOW, he has admitted that he DIDN'T date, but said so in a backhanded attempt to get me to find him attractive again. (THIS WAS SOOO OBSURD!!!)
3.

3. We seperated for various reasons, but the main ones are because he didn't trust me and I had poor communication skills. They are actually one and the same. I am not the best at communicating my feelings, so often what I said and meant weren't EXACTLY these same. Thus he said I was lying. Since the seperation, I've been diagnosed with Adult ADHD, and have worked on modifying this deficit. At least he is more understanding, knowing that my intent isn't malicious. But, it makes talking a chore, so we correspond mainly via text and emails.
4.This was compounded by the fact that he lost his job, we lost our home and had to relocate.
5. I was a stay-at-home mom during this time, so the "jobs" I had couldn't provide financially for the family.
6. Now I'm finishing a Master's degree and have begun a new career. Though he denied it before, he recently admitted that he found his female coworkers attractive because they "brought something (financial) to the table."

Answer 1

Have you tried counseling? It worked for my husband and I when we were having problems. If nothing else it can at least help you both decide if you really want to even try to fix things. You both have to really want it to be able to make it work. Good luck, either way.

Answer 2

hmmm the only way to make this work out is only if he is willing to compromise.... meet him at some place quiet for a drink or dinner , there u can talk to him and tell him your feelings, tell him u didnt have sex with anyone because u only want him and that its only with him that u feel love and attraction...tell him u dated only to take your mind off him, i`m sure he must have dated women too... tell him exactly how u feel and how much u want to make your relationship work...talk about how your relationship were before your seperation and what changes u can bring to it to make things work...and then let him sleep on it for a few days and then call him again and see what his answer is.. its always difficult at first with a man, thats why u have to give him sometime to think about it.... but still if he doesnt want to compromise and make your relationship work then u MUST get over him because it will do u no good and it will only hurt yourself...

good luck

Answer 3

I would suggest a polygraph. If his problem is that he doesn't trust you then that should set the record straight and give you a clean slate. If that doesn't do it, then my opinion is that it has nothing to do with him thinking you slept with someone. He just doesn't want to be with you. Has he dated anyone? If not, there's a possibility that he has been holding out for you hoping that you would be holding out for him.
I know how it is though when you see no hope in a relationship and it seems your only option is to do whatever you have to do to get over it. I commend you for staying true to yourself and your feelings for your husband. I would also say if no divorce has been filed, there's a good chance for you two. What was the reason for separation in the first place?

Answer 4

The only way to get back with your man is if he is willing to do the same and get passed all of the problems you guys had. If he says he does'nt want to be with you because of whatever reason, then give him space. The more you show him that you are desperate and that you can't accept the fact that it's over, the more he will play hard to get. If he decides to come back to you and wants to work it out then I strongly feel that both of you need to go to counseling so that pain will be erased from his heart and both of you can get passed all of this. For now, trust me... let him be! By you pressuring him to go back and work things out will make him get farther from you. Good Luck and hang in there.

Answer 5

Well, you went on a date and keep your mind off?????? and now he thinks you having sex and all that. See what happen? you just seperated???? didn't mean you can date someone if you want to. You are still married to that man. and now it been one year and you didn't even try to talk to him? telling him that you want to work it out?? nope you had to date someone to keep your mind off. and That really screw up there. and make me believe that your heart still belongs to him?? then why did you date first place.???? and you have face karma back to you. but didn't know until now. and I am so sorry that you have lost your husband and It not our job to help you get your man back.

You have made the choice for yourself and not think like this:
If I date what would my husband think? I cheated? sex? on and on and you didn't.. you said clearly "I date so I can have everything Clear out my mind!!!!!" so oh well. wish you luck.

Sorry for being honest here. if your husband did date then you can but he never did and you did it yourself.

Answer 6

There was a reason you two seperated in the first place. Maybe there was good reason for the seperation. Step back and take a look at the whole picture.

Answer 7

Well what he needs to realize is that the best relationships are built on trust and honesty and I personally think that you did the right thing by telling him but let me tell you something that I tell all of my friends and that is if you have to try so hard at something than you dont need to do it or be with it because something shouldnt have to be hard and be worked at not even love!

Answer 8

You've got the homecourt advantage.
Men aren't complicated (like women).
He just wants you back 100%...no strings attached.
I'll bet that you know enough about him to win him back..if you want too.
Beware the backlash. He will have some anger built up that will come out at some point.

Answer 9

well then why not go get ur man back then.. u need to let him know that ur heart belongs to him, let him know that u wouldn't dare share urself or give urself 2 any man other than him.. not to mention that u don't know what he's been doing during this time of separations... he's either gonna give his marriage another try or walk away from it.. let him know that if he's not then u and him need to make some arrangements and file for divorce immediately cause it's now holding u back from moving on....

stop dating until u know for sure what ur gonna do..
good luck

Answer 10

He is giving you lame excuses not to come back and blaming you, when the thruth is that he doesn't want to go back to the relationship but doesn't have the guts to admit it.
he is pulling a guilt trip on you so you feel bad and blame yourself for not being back togethe. If he wanted to be back, he would already be back... or what do you think... that he was pristine and chast while separated?
Don't fall for this one, it's a trick.

Good luck