Is Homosexual attraction a fetish for some people?

Question

I consider myself to be a bisexual and I find that the homosexuality component of it is only ever directed at guys who are of a particular physical appearance, which represents a small minority of guys. In addition, I don't get aroused by nearly all sexual acts between guys, even if its with the guys I feel "attracted" to.

Talking to other homosexuals, they are attracted to guys full stop with less emphasis being placed on physical looks.

My heterosexual attraction is towards a wider range of women in terms of physical looks, and unlike homosexual activity - I consider myself to be interested in much more heterosexual acts.

Does this mean that some people who appear to be homosexual may not really be homosexual? Would this explain the "success" some people claim to have experienced when undertaking conversion therapy i.e. that they weren't gay to begin with?

I have my own thoughts on this, but what do other people think?

The reason why I think it might be a fetish for me is because I completely depend on particular physical attributes in a guy, and consider myself to only be attracted to a narrow range of guys. Hence, it might be the physical characteristic as opposed to the guy I might be getting excited about.

Answer 1

I think anything can become a fetish for someone, depending on their makeup and background.

Homosexual behavior can be pursued for a variety of reasons as well. Some people feel driven from an inexplicable inner preference; others can choose to indulge in a homosexual encounter because they enjoy it but aren't necessarily "attracted exclusively to guys."

The latter type can thus be "stopped" by more of a choice, but many people would not define that sort of person as "homosexual" per se, in terms of personal identity.

In terms of the first type, I understand that homosexuals might feel threatened by other homosexuals who feel that they either can or want to "go straight" and work to somehow deal with their preference.

Why the animosity, though -- especially if a guy isn't even trying to convince other homosexuals to go straight as well... or are simply sharing their experiences in a "take it or leave it" fashion? If someone possesses convictions that he personally needs to change behaviors in his own life, then he should be allowed to follow that path without disdain/ridicule... even if you disagree with his decision.

True, I think it's naive for people to refer to "curing homosexuality." There is no magic pill; and if preferences can change at all, it would only be over a very very long period of time, with very little steps. If people went into it equating "cure" = "never feeling homosexual attaction" again, they'd probably be very disappointed.

It's simply that some people reach a certain conclusion about their preference where they feel that homosexual behavior is wrong, and thus they work to deal with that. I don't even see that as "going back into the closet," especially if they are open about where they are at. They simply have a conviction and are trying to follow their conscience, and accept the inevitable struggle that comes from it.

(The "stuff it / denial" pattern of "change" of course never succeeds no matter what sort of behavior you are dealing with. This is more of an "honest acceptance of where you're at / work to embrace something different" paradigm.)

Answer 2

I don't think so. I personally think people that are homosexual or bisexual were born with genes that makes them that way. I think there's a part of you that just has an attraction for both sexes. I wouldn't use the word "fetish" do describe homosexuality either. A fetish is a particular fixation such as domination, breasts, feet, whatever. You're attractions sound perfectly normal to me. I'm not attracted to EVERY woman I see. I know what I like in a physical aspect and it's as simple as that. As far as "conversion therapy", "praying to not be gay" I think that's a load of crap!!! I know NO amount of therapy or prayer is going to make me any less attracted to women so why should it to a gay person?? Be true to yourself, that's the best thing you can do.

Answer 3

I think you are reaching.

I am very picky as to looks -- and I'm gay. The difference between you and I is that I find zero women attractive. You are a bisexual. You have attraction to a broad range of women and a narrow range of men -- *shrug* -- you are still a bisexual, you just lean straight.

Could you have a fetish WITHIN that bisexuality? Yes.

As for conversion therapy -- I know of no successes, the entirety of Exodus International could not come up with 100 non-paid people to say that they had converted (rather than essentially, gone back in the closet) People were "still struggling" or "not acting on their desires" or "married, but still desiring men" -- that's NO DIFFERENT THAN BEING IN THE CLOSET -- all the conversion movement does is send people back in.

I know three "ex-gays" one is a local minister -- I challenged him to an open internet debate and he refused outright, saying that he didn't have to "defend his lifestyle" to me in front of other people, but would privately if I wanted. (My only interest is in publically exposing them, so, no.) The second one tried to convert me and I laughed in his face -- a few minutes later, knowing that I was in a committed relationship of over a decade (now almost 15 years) at the time, he leaned forward and whispered "So, you want to have sex then?" and the third, whom I deeply feel for, is very brainwashed by his parents -- he belongs to a support groups online and in person -- they sent him to a camp -- but of course, nothing changed. He prays and prays and prays, but he still wants bois -- so much it hurts him -- and once in a while it overtakes him and he has a one night stand -- then he drives the guy away and begs god to please kill him -- and then -- repeat. He is still a teenager. He's terrified of me because I actually care about him and want him to be well -- and it terrifies him that I can rather easily rip any fundamentalist in his church into shreds on the nature of the Christian faith, and my pastor can do it with far more ease than I -- but he also knows I care, so he shares with me. It's sad and pathetic really. The fundies need to stop exploiting the helpless and just go away -- they are the greatest threat to America that has ever been.

Regards,

Reynolds Jones
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 4

Being homosexual is not a perversion. We are born this way and can not do anything about it. In terms of your bi sexual feelings, don't worry about it, since the guys I know are only attracted to certain guys as well, mainly based on looks. If you are not aroused by the major sexual with guys, maybe you're not fully bisexual and just appreciate the way guys look. Conversion therapy, is a load of crap by the way. They can try to suppress their feelings as much as they want, but they are still and always will be gay. The same sex will always turn them on.

Answer 5

Some may say that homosexuality is a perversion. But why should a person choose homosexual isn't it a choice that is a difficult one to make. All sexual activity heterosexual or homosexual, bisexual is seen as a perversion. Why stress about it.

Answer 6

I think I understand what you are saying. I'm a woman, and I consider myself bisexual too. Just like you've mentioned - I only find certain women and certain acts attractive, but find a much more wide variety of guys attractive. I think it is hard to define homosexuality. I'm sure lots of people who experience the same desires as me would just say they are straight.
I've not really contributed anything to this discussion, but wanted to say I see what you are saying

Answer 7

Ok..first of all "conversion therpay" is nothing but a harmful and destructive process designed by religous zealots who care nothing of the human condition.

As sexual beings...we all feel attraction to different types of people and even different genders. Some people may exhibit feminine and masculine traits...but this does not mean they define themselves as homosexual.

I think most of us have bisexual tendencies and some have very homosexual or very heterosexual ones. This is based on individual desire and perception.

Yes...for some people homosexual attraction is a fetish...and not necessarily who they are or how they define themselves. My opinion...of course. :)

Answer 8

well, i was once told that you can be a little or very bisexual. i was in an unhappy relationship with the father of my children. i always knew i was gay, as i maintained other relationships with women. he was my first and only man. now that we are separated its great- and i can see that being with him was such a chore for me.
maybe you are just a little bisexual- that is to say that you enjoy some acts with men but generally, you go for women. that 's cool though

Answer 9

Well, I think that the problem lies in that you might not be ready to view a person from the inside and have a relationship. I think that you are in a stage where sex is more prominent in your life. But, when you are ready, I think that you will find that you can fall in love with anyone.

Answer 10

Have you ever heard of the Kinsey report? We are all on a spectrum- some of us way to one side, some to the other, and the rest of us just happily floating along somewhere in the middle.