been married for almost 10 years but it's not really a good marriage. I've been fanasizing about a good friend who is also married. We've had a fantasy about going away together for years, but it wasn't so serious. recently, I've been thinking about it more and more. should I tell him? or how do i get it out of my mind?
peace!
2006-08-18 03:23:06 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Settle your first situation...Then have your fantasy....
2006-08-26 02:44:58 · answer #1 · answered by hunterman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you in the mid-30's to mid-40's range? You sound like one undergoing the classis "midlife crisis" - this is the time when one's fundamentals get shaken and questioned. It may be best to confront the source of your desires - the not-so-good marriage. Confront that problem first - find out what's essentially wrong with it, decide if it's something that can be resolved or one that can only be solved by separation or divorce. Don't let an affair decide your marital problem - if that affair becomes a problematic relationship, and if your partner finds out about it, you'd have 2 problems on hand, and you might just end up the loser in the end.
So, face your problems in your marriage first. It's the source of these desires for an affair. Think of it this way, your partner could have been that exciting lover in your fantasy but is not - why so? Any person who engages your being, who turns you on, who makes you swoon, even drool :), is worth an affair - best if this is your present partner, right? Since it is not your present partner, then there must be probems in your partnership (incompatibility, lack of commonality, etc.) - you have to confront the reasons for these problems so you could give yourself a chance at being happy. It could be the wake-up call for your partner, in case your partner just took your marriage for granted all this time.
You deserve to be happy. An affair is not the solution. An exciting, real, engaging and satisfying marriage with the right person is.
2006-08-26 02:52:19 · answer #2 · answered by Yeye Vonnel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OBVIOUSLY you've already considered or acted out this fantasy because you used the term WE've. I don't know if that was a slip or what...sounds to me like you are having an affair....
You've been married for 10 yrs. maybe you should get your spouse involved in your FANTASY. WISK him away on a romantic get away. You make the reservations and when he comes home you actually kidnap your spouse and take him to the romantic destination. WINE and dine and have fun for a weekend getaway for 2.
You need to rekindle what you have. 10 yrs invested in a marriage is to many to throw away.....
Grass might seem greener in another pasture but look closer the other side has many weeds that appear to you from afar as comfortable GRASS....thorns, weeds and thistles are hidden....DON't make the mistake of walking barefoot on the other side!!
2006-08-24 23:19:08 · answer #3 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the dreams you have been having is your mind sorting out what your ideals are about marriage. it has nothing to do with the other married person. if you are that unhappy, i don't see how ruining another person's marriage in the process is to solve anything - it will just make things worse. take yourself and your partner to counseling. having fantasies about others is normal -- you don't have to act on them, they are just fantasies, not anything more.
You made a commitment to your partner that was for the rest of your life, hon. I suggest you honor it and stop acting on impulse. It's called being an adult. Children act on impulse.
2006-08-25 22:22:30 · answer #4 · answered by Persephone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your marriage isn't so good because you spend more time in fantasy than you do in reality. Every affair is based on fantasy, and in the end the fantasy is shattered. There is no perfect partner out there.
Instead of wasting your time in dreamland, act out your fantasy with your spouse and see what a difference it can make in your marriage. Grow UP!
2006-08-24 12:12:21 · answer #5 · answered by painterman19723 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your husband, forget it. If you want a divorce, by all means-go away. I wouldn't want my other half sticking around if they wanted to be with someone else.
Does your husband treat you good? Is he attentive? Does he love you? Does he provide for you? Does he actually care about what happens in your life on a daily basis? If so, what are you thinking?
If my husband was having these thoughts of another woman
I would say "Go, I don't want sloppy seconds."
2006-08-25 15:52:39 · answer #6 · answered by Heidi R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy with your marriage, then try working it out with him perhaps seeing a marriage counselor or something. But, if you are willing to jeopardize your marriage by committing adultery with your good friend then that's a choice you have to really think about. Remember marriage is a commitment not a game. When both of you said I do, it was till death do {us} part. Not till I don't feel like being with you anymore... Think about it.
2006-08-25 14:05:01 · answer #7 · answered by Wordoftruth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're both suffering from marriage boredom, it won't be any better if you run off to an island together. Eventually you'll be eyeing the new next door neighbor and he'll be banging someone elses wife. Get counseling, and if possible, make the marriage work.
2006-08-18 03:31:42 · answer #8 · answered by theoldguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i imagine now and again females locate married adult men secure to talk with because it would want to be platonic without it ensuing in sexual want. in case you tell her she is excellent she might want to back remote from you because of fears that you'll choose more beneficial. She prob is conscious you relish her agency and vice versa. it truly is staggering to get to artwork and be relieved of rigidity at abode. i'd not rock the boat and shop the friendship going. per chance once you're more beneficial tender you could open up about your unhappy marriage in a staggering way.
2016-11-05 02:22:14 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not unless you plan to be divorced. You need to reanalyze your feelings about your spouse. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Alot of times it appears to be when you are bored in your relationship. Either file for divorce or try to reignite your marriage, but, cheating is never the answer. Too many lives get ruined.
2006-08-26 00:09:07 · answer #10 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No dummy. Discipline yourself. Get a job.but get off your day dreaming....he's married too. You don't have enough to do if you have time for all this trouble you are sure to get from this activity.
2006-08-24 17:32:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋