What do you do with a hard headed spouse?

Question

says they listen but they don't,,,,,and all they do is say thier sorry,,,,and the story repeats and repeats...those people that got spouses , any ideas?....no sarcasm please!!

Answer 1

From a guy's perspective, he probably feels overloaded. There's a couple of potential solutions for you.


If he's tuning you out, there's a good chance he feels like he can't please you anyway. That's not because you're being mean or anything. Its just that men thrive on appreciation from our women. We're kind of like puppies that way, we love praise, but hate criticism. Even the constructive kind. Women tend to critique things a lot. That's not a bad thing, but when you're critiquing something he's done for you, he's going to take it all wrong. So, he'll tune you out. Instead, start out by telling him how good a job he did. Then, AT A LATER TIME, bring up suggestions to improve the process.

Another thing you can do is to keep explainations short and instructions concise. That's how guys think. We get lost in long explainations when we have to sort out the facts from the feelings and figure out what you're really saying. You've got to communicate differently with your man than the way you communicate with your girlfriends/mother/sisters. You'll notice that there are very few truly "chatty" guys.

Best of luck, and God Bless. And remember, taking these steps are the best way to draw him out and get him to feel comfortable about sharing his feelings with you. Its all about communication!

Answer 2

Sometimes a behavior is just the symptom but not the illness.

Meaning, if someone is repeatedly doing something that you don' like and you happen to be married to them there are several questions you need to ask yourself:

1) Is what they are doing effecting me, our kids (if any) or our finances enough to warrant an ultimatum or am I just annoyed with it.

2) How does this behavior effect me, examples, causes and effects, be specific here and make a list, only write down facts.

3) Is this behavior new or is it something that existed before you two were together, if new, exactly when did you start feeling this, be honest and write it down.

Now that you have honestly addressed the nature, timing and effects of the behavior, ask you spouse if they feel this behavior is as big a problem as you do...find out what they think, without anger. Then as they are thinking about it (hopefully, instead of dismissing you and your concern) present them with your lists, and tell them you are going for a walk, walk away to let them digest it.

When you return listen to them, and what they have to say, then if you are still unsatisfied with their responses, and you cannot abide the behavior, you should start considering more drastic options.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, we are both very hard headed. Sometimes I have to talk to him like I'm his mother which I hate but it seems to work. Sometimes I just have to let it go because I know he is going to do the stupid thing anyway. I have to pick my fights with him or we would fight 24/7. If it is important enough I just flat out tell him "NO...you are not going to do that and this is why...blah...blah...blah!"

He used to tell me that I live my life like it is a movie. Then I started telling him the same thing...using the Rambo movies. I was telling him things like "yeah as long as you draw first blood then everything is cool for you".

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if your spouse is hard headed then you have to fight fire with fire!

Answer 4

I bet he was a hard headed boyfriend too. I am not trying to be sarcastic but this spouse was probably hard headed before you married. Why do you expect him to change now???

Answer 5

Well, you left the door wide open on this one.

If he is a cheater and repeats...leave him, once a cheater always a cheater.

If it's a bad attitude...time to give him the ultimatum and stick with your decision. Either he goes to counseling or your finished with him.

If it's pet-peeves...leaves his clothes on the floor, doesn't shut the cabinet doors, leaves the toilet seat up, forgets your birthday/anniversary or a hundred other annoying things men like to do/not do then my advise is to live with it. No need to constantly complain for they don't hear, literally, they say they do, even say their sorry but I don't think that part of the brain that hears the wife's grips connects anywhere, it just goes off into dead space...

Answer 6

Play hard ball. What you should do is use reverse psychology. When your spouse is talking to you act like you don't hear them and do the same things they do to you. Make them feel what you are feeling. They'll come around, if not keep doing this.

Answer 7

It depends on the situation. Theres always a way to work with your spouse. While you cant MAKE them want whats best, you can atleast communicate with them in a way that they understand.

But like i said, it depends on what the issues are that keep coming up.

You can email me if you want.

247 told you about those books, they are excellent, but dont expect your spouse to read them.. lol. Power of a praying wife is excellent.

Answer 8

sometimes the best thing to do in this case- is nothing.

Your spouse pretty much knows by now what the deal is, they may be resistant to respond the way you would like due to your mannerism in speaking with them about it, or for spite.

Just make a calm point- be sincere, open, caring and honest, ask them what they feel is the best approach to this subject-

Best of luck to you!

Answer 9

They do listen but it is usually their way or the highway. The best thing to do is talk to them in a non-defensive manner in expressing your concerns. Sometimes it might take a few hours or days for it to sink in but if they take the time to think about something they might change their mind. Marriage is a compromise so maybe sometimes it might not be worth persuing.

Answer 10

Just give it up. Accept it. Nothing more you can do. Can't change them. You must be a woman? All men are hard heads!! :)