Me and my friend are close but she relies on me alot for emotional support. I was going to do a course with my friend but was offered a place on the course of my dreams which I know she wont want to do. How can I tell her I wont be there to help her with her work and confidence with out her crying on me as usual? I will not turn this new course down but I know she is going to make it hard for me. She always does when I hint at leaving her to do something by herself. PLEASE HELP. how can I tell her without her being offended or crying?
2006-08-18 03:18:49 · 27 answers · asked by ask the aliens! 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
told her and completely out of character she said " you must do whats right for you" to say I was stunned would be a understatement. thank you all for your amazingly good answers.
2006-08-18 04:23:50 · update #1
She's not a true friend if she puts her own needs before yours....tell her you can't turn it down...it's your future.
If she doesn't understand then shes a selfish cow. Besides, if she does this course by herself then it will give her a great confidence boost...tell her that!
2006-08-18 03:24:01 · answer #1 · answered by Gypsie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know just how you feel. Unfortunately I just don't see any easy way around this... especially when your friend has been dependent on you for so long. Obviously, the first thing for you to do is to tell them that you are going to do something else. Yet, you can be pro-active in your consoling by encouraging them. Tell them that although you are both going to be doing different things, that doesn't change the strength of your relationship. Maybe go as far as suggesting the other outlets they can use for help, be it assistance from instructors, tutors etc. Make it exciting by posing the idea of meeting new people. But in all things be real and honest, just explaining that this is something different that you want to try, that you hope she will support you and that the time will come when she wants to try something new and that you will be there to support her too... because that's just what friends do.
When all else fails remind her that you are friends because you enjoy doing things together but also because your differences compliment each other
2006-08-18 03:34:03 · answer #2 · answered by blkprincess_d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your friend can't handle going to a class by herself???
honey, this is what i call an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
an abusive relationship is defined as a relationship in which one person controls the other by means of physical, emotional, or psychological abuse.
your friend is insecure, so she is using you as a crutch. recognize this now. you are so afraid of offending her and making her cry- the question is WHY?
why should she cry and be offended if you want to do something that makes you happy?
true friendship is about being supportive of each other- not one person totally supporting the other!
i know you're probably angry after reading this, but it's the truth. i know b/c i've been in a relationship like that before.
all i'm asking is that you think about what i've said and take some serious time to evaluate this friendship. and do whatever makes YOU happy.
2006-08-18 03:30:29 · answer #3 · answered by miss advice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you have to see it this way , sooner or later this was going to happen , why? because she can't rely on you on everything.
You need to try to explain her that it would be good for her to stand on her feet as a strong individual and maybe meet other people on the course to work with , you won't be able to help her if you are not doing the same course. Be clear but not protective or offensive .She will probably cry at the beginning and you may feel guilty for sometime but you need to think in your future too.
And most important she must see that she can't abuse people or they will leave her , eventually this will be good for your friendship too.
2006-08-18 03:50:46 · answer #4 · answered by blueflosky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. Emotionally "needy" friends are always tough to handle. They are always getting their feelings hurt over something, and trying to make "you" feel there is something you can to do change that. All that dependence can be very emotionally draining. Don't gloss it over because it will only make it more difficult for you. I think you just need to come right out and tell her that you've gotten this opportunity and that you just can't turn it down. It's too important for your future success. Friendship support is suppose to be a two-way street. If she is truly your friend, she will support YOU in this. If she isn't, then so-be-it. She may pitch a little fit and try to make out like you are abandoning her, but don't let it make YOU feel guilty. She needs to mature on her own, and she never will if you continue to enable her. If she is truly needy and clingy, she will find somebody else who will hold her hand and lead her through life. But you don't need that. I've been there, and it's a total P-I-T-A!
2006-08-18 03:35:48 · answer #5 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
really you need to tell her straight. you have your own life to live. if she needs you emotionally so much then maybe she should get some concelling or something. if she was a good friend she would undertand that you want to do the course you have been waiting for all this time. it also sounds like she wouldnt even be going on her course if you hadnt helped so much. everyone has to grow up and start being independent, maybe she just needs a little push to get her started.
you need to think about this. get it sorted otherwise you will be old and she will still leaning on you and you might want time with your family or something.
you never know
2006-08-18 03:27:36 · answer #6 · answered by sammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tricky one. Tell her staight out that you are doing the other course, explain why and be firm. Say you are sorry to let her down but that you will be happy to spend some time with her at some time to help her out with any issues she has with her own course. She will probably be fine after the first couple of days when she has had a chance to make some friends.
Be firm, Stick to your guns , it will help her in the long run.
2006-08-18 04:22:57 · answer #7 · answered by ragdoll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey, i tell u what. i think this is the rite time that u have to leave her alone, u cant be with her 24/7 rite?? she have her own dreams and future and i believe u have urs too. this is the time when she need to recover her own strength, stand on her own feet and start to be on her own again. dun u feel tired?? i know u care for her, u care for the friendship between u and her but for how long?? i think its a stupid idea if u let go the chances in front of u juz becoz u scared sumthing will happen to her. Friend to be honest wt u "we are born alone and die alone" no matter how good the materials on world is we cant bring them together with us when our time to leave the world is come.
2006-08-18 03:54:29 · answer #8 · answered by avo82 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having got here after the deed was done I would like to say congratulations to you both.
It is a sign of maturity in you both and you should be proud of yourselves.
All relationships move in some way and this could bring you together but it could also losen the strings. Be prepared for either.
2006-08-21 00:30:49 · answer #9 · answered by Amanda K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend certainly has some growing up to do... she will have to stand on her own two feet sooner or later...
Personally it wouldn't be a bad thing to offend her at least that way she'll learn....
You can't let her stand in the way of what you really want to do and you'll regret it if you do.
She's not a true friend if she stands in the way of your dreams...
I think she has a lesson to learn...
2006-08-18 03:34:35 · answer #10 · answered by AudioMog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋