I know this is kind of long, but please read and give me advice. But please don’t say DIVORCE!
When I married my husband I had my own checking account. I put him on it, and this was the worst thing I could have done. He over drafted the account, or just spent $300-400 more a month than he was writing down in the register. So I made him go to the bank and remove himself. I got a letter yesterday saying that my account was over drafted by about $500.00. I said "There is no way. I never do this." I checked the 25 hr. bank line and found out it was due to about 7-8 ATM withdrawals. I freaked, cause I don't use ATM's usually and when I do, it is the one owned by my bank. I reported a stolen card and when the bank called me back last night, the woman said the withdrawals were off of my husbands ATM card. I told her that he is not on my account. After researching, I discovered that when his debit card expired at the end of July, he started using the ATM card that he had when he was on my account. He says that the woman at the bank when he got his own account, assured him that this ATM card was now connected to his account and would access those funds. He said that he didn’t use it before because he either had cash or the debit card. My brother feels that it is also the banks fault because, when he took himself off my account and opened his own, the bank should have looked up any cards attached to that joint account and deactivated any that were no in my possession, since I stayed on the account and he didn’t. I cant help but be very upset with my husband, cause he has burned me before over money and I really thought that making him get his own account would solve the problem. Any advice? I have already screamed and yelled and made my husband feel like scum for withdrawing all that money, when he didn’t even have enough in his own account to cover it, the bank would have had to use his overdraft protection. Please HELP!
2006-08-18
03:08:49
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56 answers
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asked by
LittleMermaid
5
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way: He can't give it back. He doesn't have enough money in his account to even cover what he withdrew.
2006-08-18
03:18:24 ·
update #1
Just for the record: This is my private account. I am the only one listed on it. It is not a joint account. He was taken off it a year ago, but obviously that ATM card is still connected to my account.
2006-08-18
03:19:45 ·
update #2
I don't mean to be rude to anyone responding, but I have said about 3 times: THIS IS NOT A JOINT ACCOUNT. HE USED AN OLD ATM CARD THAT EITHER THE BANK DIDN'T DEACTIVATE OR THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN USING AND SHOULD HAVE DESTOYED HIMSELF. I NEVER KNEW IT EXISTED.
2006-08-18
03:33:11 ·
update #3
OK..not DIVORCE! Really!
Although, the root of most divorces are related to money matters.
I'd suggest that you close your account and open a new account at a different bank, ensuring that he is not authorized to withdraw any funds. Talking to a personal banker at that bank should provide you some additional details that will be needed. Banks also have email notifications or warning options that inform you when actions/withdrawls are taken out over a certain amount. I'd also recommend conducting your banking on-line. This allows you to view transactions up to the minute. You can view your account 24 hours a day.
Yelling and screaming at your husband won't solve the problem. One, it makes you that much more upset, but also, he's probably numb to the lack of his responsibilities. You need to discuss with him, where is the money going to and what it is being used for. Share or jointly review your finances, but avoid from giving him a password to your account. I'd also ensure that the bank provides you with sufficient protection.
I think things can be worked out, be patient, but get a grip on things.
Show me the money! Hang in there!
2006-08-18 03:34:53
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answer #1
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answered by Jay 2
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I would be mad at him and the bank. But being mad for very long isn't going to get you far !!! I would cancel out that whole account right now. I would start a new account and quiet possibly, I would not use that same bank. I would let the bank know,maybe even request to speak with the bank manager about this so everyone knows you are very serious about no one having access to your account but you. This will help in the banking area, BUT....sounds like your husband has poor money management. I feel for both of you because I've been there. Talk to your husband about this issue . See if you guys can come to an agreement about a game plan. Sounds like he needs some guidance with his spending habits and being responsible with money. I wouldn't say divorce ! (That is very drastic ! Unless he just totally disregards the fact that you guys need to work something out and he never does anything to help himself.) Marriage is a partnership, you have to work together, yes "work".If he is willing to work together, that is a good start! Good luck.
2006-08-18 03:29:19
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answer #2
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answered by crazartgirl 4
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Well, some things definitely need to change in your household. I would completely close your account and open an entirely different account, one without your husbands name. The bank can only do so much for you; it is up to you to take care of your account. If he wouldn't have had his atm card he would have just found yours, deceit isn't pretty. I bank can't cover you for your husbands problem, if they did, he would be in jail, which do you prefer? I would let it be with the bank, and learn a very important lessen. I would make your husband start taking responsibility for his spending problems. Who does the bills? I am guessing you do, so I would have him sit down and start helping figure them out and paying them. I would also have him take a class to help him with his problem with money. I know that you hate the word divorce, but my husband parents when through a similar situation and stayed together. They had five children and all they ever do it argue and cuss. They have different accounts own different things, he owns the house, she owns a business now, blah, blah, blah....I can't stand to take my children to their house, even the my husband and his siblings say they wish they would have gotten a divorce because it really screwed them up in understanding what a relationship should have truly been like. What eventually ends up happening is that you no longer trust him and he feels like you don't want him, he cheats, you feel worthless, then you cheat. It’s a recipe for disaster. Please seek marriage counseling early on in the game, it will solve great heart ache. I know counseling sounds like a horrible thing, but it can be a great blessing and you can find someone for low cost or no cost. Your husband obviously spends money like that for a reason, he must feel like he is missing something and is trying to make up for it somewhere, letting this behavior continue will only let things get worse. Good luck.
2006-08-18 03:27:27
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answer #3
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answered by faith 2
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anyone with a grain of common sense would know that an ATM card can not be used for one account and then another. to use an ATM card for another account, you need a different ATM card- always. either your husband is telling the dumbest lie i've ever heard and your own brother is unknowingly backing him up OR it is the bank's fault for giving you false information because if it's true then that teller was an idiot!
if you think he's lying, cut up the atm card and tell him to hand over the check book and any credit cards he may have. until he proves that he's more responsible, he's on a monthly cash allowance to be determined by you.
if you think that the bank is lying, fight them tooth and nail- your good credit is at stake here! if you needed a loan in the future, chances are you might not get it b/c of this fiasco!
i wish you the best.
2006-08-18 03:21:59
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answer #4
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answered by miss advice 4
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If you're going to continue to keep this joint account open, than make a pact that you will both discuss purchases you make before you take any money out (set a limit- like, you'll discuss something if it's over $100) If either of you is unable to keep the pact, then I'd get my own account. It sounds like he has a spending problem and even with some rules, he may not be able to follow them. Talk to him and work something out that you're both happy with. He probably knows that what he did was wrong, but whatever he bought with the money, he probably enjoyed purchasing and didnt really think about what you were going to do for money once his "shopping spree" was over.
2006-08-18 03:17:21
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answer #5
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answered by Mandy 3
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I would also wonder what he is using this money on. Geez, how old is he??
I agree with FENRIS..... In our marriage, we have one bank account, and we also have something that you & your husband clearly DON'T, and that is communication. Thats a necessary ingredient to any marriage... AND organization.....
We never have problems with our bank account, I do the shopping, and my hubby pays the bills. We each have a check/debit card and one check book.... EVERYTHING is written in the checkbook, and we just meet in the middle and write things down.... Theres never a surprise.
Get some organization in your marriage, and sit down and talk to your husband to make sure you are both on the same page, so theres NO conflict over $$$$.... You are married, you should be working together, not against!
2006-08-18 03:25:34
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answer #6
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answered by Katz 6
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My first word was DIVORCE!! But he has a problem..spending more than he makes...and you get the fees for this?! I'd close my account at that bank...move my money to another bank and NOT let him know what bank you're at...this way HE can deal with the over draft fees...
My ex- had a company he worked for file a claim against him because THE COMPANY never filed taxes...they paid him under the table...so they seized every bank account with our last name...this other woman almost sued my ex- cause they took HER money to pay the back taxes owed...She did get it back..but even MY personal account(his name NOT attached!)was taken...I went to buy formula for our infant son..and there was NO money!! Imagine my surprise!! So..I went to another bank and set up my own account...and this worked out well...He never had access again...BUT after we separated(to divorce!) he found my check book and paid off all him back bills!! I'm just glad that marriage is over..he's a sneaky bastard!!! GOod luck and open that account in another bank...then YOU know who spends your money...YOU!!!
2006-08-18 03:20:00
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answer #7
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answered by just me 4
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People who don't want to hear the truth...don't really want to resolve their problems. If you have SELF RESPECT, and value YOUR life, then it is IMPERATIVE..you a) seperate from this person. He clearly..CLEARLY does not respect you, or whats yours. he is blatent, because he knew he could get away with it. The second thing I would do is b) file a complaint against him through the police..this way, you are documented, and you can get your money back from the bank. If you are the primary account holder..which you are because he came onto YOUR account, you have more rights than he does. Go to the police station, file a complaint with a detective, and show your husband. This should,...hopefully freak him out, and prove to him that you are not the gullable pushover he takes you for. Then, you go to the bank (actually before you confront him) and speak with a manager..and show them the police report, and go abouts getting your money bank..again, police report is VERY HUGE. THEN, go to the a$$ hole and show him what you've done. If the house/apt is in your name, tell him you want him out..if not, pack a bag and go somewhere..this is YOUR life before anyone elses, and you MUST take care of yourself. Don't be a chicken $hit, because then youre proving to NOBODY but yourself, that you have no self worth or respect...Good luck..contact me if you need more advice..tdela48@yahoo.com
2006-08-18 03:20:57
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answer #8
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answered by nowolfgang 2
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Your determination to work on this problem and fix it is admirable. You have a lot to do, though. Your marriage needs help and your husband needs help.
Your marriage needs help because your husband does not respect you as a partner or as an individual. He knows that what he did is dishonest. He did it to you anyway. This has to be worked out. And, I don't think you can do it without help. You're going to need a marriage/relationship counselor to work through it, IMHO.
Your husband needs help, because he steals. And he steals from the person closest to him. This is symptomatic of an addiction: drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, etc. (It might be something else.) When you get him in the counselor's office, he needs to come clean about why he's doing this. And, he needs to get individual help for it.
2006-08-18 03:19:06
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answer #9
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answered by Otis F 7
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It seems to me that your husband is not contributing but adding burden to you..
From what i know from my country, if its in Singapore, if an account has 2 names and if i have another account by myself..i can easily transfer the money here and there in internet. If your country do have this service, then i can tell you..one account he open with you, you hold the card and the password of the internet banking, the other account he got his own name in it..every month you transfer the appropriate amount into his account and make sure he limit himself..if he can't even limit himself, then even you do alot of things, ultimately, he's going to burn you out again and again as you wont bear to see him die of hunger right?
2006-08-18 03:19:28
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answer #10
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answered by barelyahrie 3
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