Married people only and serious answers..pls help....?

Question

My newlywed husband had a history of a gambling problem. We've been together for 6 years total. Hes been working at a casino for 6 years too. My electric went out & all the bills i found hidden (and yellow-past due) under the couch. hes been keeping them from me. I give him $1000 a month in bills. if he hasnt been paying all of our bills, hes been gambling (. I confronted him about it & hes like,"There must have been some mistake." Obviously, hes lieing. He wont admit it. i cant get him to admit it no matter WHAT I say. He says hes gonna give me all his $ now so i can take over the bills. The bills were always a little past due, but never has been shut off. (electric,cable,phone..) I payed them all. Shouldnt i be mad? I havent spoken to him in 3 days.

I dont know y, but i feel bad for ignoring him.

I need people to tell me i should be mad cause i tend to forgive too fast.

At least i think hes been gambling. he is denying it up and own. I will feel bad if hes not.

Answer 1

I remember this question from a few days ago.

You need to divorce him.

Answer 2

Whether he's been gambling or not, you do have the right to be angry. Not paying the bills is just irresponsible. Having said that, it's been three days and now it's time to focus on solutions. You need to have control of the bills until you know for certain that he can be more responsible with the finances. Or even better, both of you should sit down together every week to go over the finances and pay whatever bills are due. As for his gambling, he may or may not be doing it now and there's really no way to know for sure without following him (not really recommended except as a last resort). And on that subject ~ why in the world is he working in a casino??? That's like an alcoholic working in a liquor store. He needs to find a different job if possible, or find out if there's a position available that keeps him away from the gambling action (good luck with that in a casino). Hang in there sweetie!

Answer 3

You had a right to be mad! First off you can now forgive him but do not forget, three days is actually a good cool down time.. It also allows the mind to think differently about the situation at hand. Take over the responsibility of paying the bills, he'll give you his pay check you'll take what you need for bills and a tiny bit for his own spending money that he doesn't know about b/c you know he'll be broke before you will and want to barrow from you it will just be his own money then give him a small allowance when he's spent that that is when you give him his money you held back for him - just tell him untill he can grow up and be a bit more responsible this is how it will be. This is what I had to do and I've been doing it the last 7 years... B/c he knows I'm better with money and I can make it last and pay all the bills and we both still have spending money for the week! Besides if you do not have a spending problem then think of all the money you'll now have that you didn't before. Don't pay bills late not even your Dr. bills your credit is everything in this ****** up country! Trust me I know, me and my hubby are going through it right now! While our friends file bankrupcy two and three times and can still get loans and credit cards we are the responsible ones that pay our bills pay cash for things and we can not get loans or credit cards. b/c we didn't build credit to begin with. Credit is everthing!!! It means if you get to buy a car or a house or property things normal people get to do just not the honest others... Anyway maybe he needs a different job, tell him he'd better start looking for a new one b/c when a job cost you money then it is not worth it and a new one is deffinitly needed. Maybe he needs to attend gamblers anomous... Enough is enough and the money he's spending is also yours and the credit he's ruining is also yours! Tell him no more gambling and that maybe you and he can go together once or twice a year and make a whole night of it that should be enough to make him happy and if not then he's got a problem, this everynight after work stuff has got to quit! Be strong you are the only one watching out for his and your's financial matters.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Sorry, but I’m having trouble following you. Let’s see if I have got it right… When you first got married, your husband had a gambling problem. You have been together for about six years, for which time, he has been working at a casino. Your bills add up to about $1,000 per month, and he was expected to pay them. Your electricity got cut off, and you found the bills you had given to him to pay, had been hidden. He told you there must have been a mistake, but you don’t believe him. You have tried to get him to admit that he gambled the money and lost it. He now gives you all of his money, and you pay all the bills.

I think I got that right… OK, what’s the problem? He made a mistake (two mistakes if you consider the fact that he lied) but let it go! He is trying to make amends by giving you all of his money. He perhaps accepts that he made a mistake, and that he does in fact have a problem with gambling (a career change may be in order) so to beat any further temptation, he has decided that it is best to let you be the one who pays the bills. Pay them!!!

Should you be mad? To a degree ‘yes’! Is not talking to him for three days going to solve anything? Probably not… apart from making him angry enough to stop giving you his money!!!

Look… it could be a lot worse, OK! It sounds to me like he is trying to do the right thing, so let it go, and get on with the serious business of loving each other!!!

Answer 5

Explain to him that FIRST he needs to admit he has this problem...and he works in a Casino?! THat's like having the fox collect the eggs from the chicken!!!

I'd still be mad..you have the right..BUT talk to him and tell him that he needs to seek some kind of treatment...IF my husband had this problem...I don't know if there'd be a next time!! Especially since the bills weren't getting paid..and lying about this..doesn't make the YELLOW bills vanish!! Did you talk to the companies he was supposed to be paying?! Most places allow a few months before shutting you off...BUT seeings how stuff seemed to be shut off...He's been spending more than YOU think..take over the money and SORRY TO SAY THIS...DO NOT ALLOW HIM ACCESS TO THE ACCOUNT THE MONEY IS IN!! Or one day you could come home...and have NO home because the rent/mortgage wasn't paid!!! GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 6

Your husband obviously has a gambling problem. He also has a responsility problem and on top of all that he has proven to be untrustworthy. However, it certainly doesn't help for a person with a know gambling problem to working at a casino. Here's what I suggest if you want to keep the marriage....

1) Decide if you want to keep the marriage. Then tell him your decision. If you don't want the marriage.. then get out. If you do.. tell him to keep the marriage he will have to do the following.
2) He must get counseling for his gambling problem. THere are lots of groups out there to help with this.
3) All finances must be turned over to you completely until such time as his gambling problems are gone.
4) He must quit his job at the casino and find another.
5) Explain to him how serious this is and that he will have to work very hard to save this marriage and it will only be saved by his admitting he has a problem getting help for that problem and time will be required to heal the hurt and pain caused by his untruthfulness.

If he doesn't want to make a committment to ALL of the above.. it's time to drop the loser and save your financial and emotional well being.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 7

You have very right to be angry and hurt. You also have every right to think he's been gambling again. He did make the first step though, letting you take care of the money. Give him an allowence. And also he needs to go into counseling. Gambling is a sickness, and he needs a new job! Talk to him, you aren't helping matters by not speaking to him. If he's willing to turn the money to you and seek help. HELP HIM! If he doesn't follow through with his promises, then leave. Honey, this can ruin both of you if you don't get a handle on things now! Don't stand by and do nothing. If you love him, stand by him and get help. Like I said, if he doesn't stay on the program, then leave. You need a stable home life, and gambling is not the way to reach that goal.
Please, call him and tell him you need to talk. See what he has to say, then go from there......I will be praying for you both.
God bless us all........

Answer 8

You should be mad but you need to talk to him so he can get help with his gambling problem and save the marriage.Talk to him and see if he will go to GA for help and you take care of all the bills for now on.

Answer 9

Yes, you should be mad, very very mad. It sounds like he hs taking advantage of you because he knows you will just forgive him and do nothing about it. You deserve to have a husband who supports you, is truthful and honest with you, and doesn't gamble all his money away. Part of marriage is sharing of expenses - it's what expected. You need to divorce him and also change yourself - be more assertive about what you need and want. You deserve better and you should demand better from a man. Don't settle for anything less.

Answer 10

Its good for you to take over the money, he has a problem with gambling and needs help. Not speaking makes things worse, you can be madd, but keep the lines of communication open.

Get him some help!!
Good Luck

Answer 11

You have a big reason not to trust him. Just keep talking to him in a calm manner. It will take time for him to regain your trust again. I was going to suggest you take over the bills but I see where you wrote that you are going to do that. Good for you. I hope you will be able to get it all resolved.