I have been married for 5 years and have two wonderful kids, and a great job in denver. All thats missing is the picket fence. Problem is, is that i am in a marraige with no soul. Id say we are closer to roomates then lovers. She says that its all my fault and that i dont do this, i dont do that and everytime we "talk" about things, she turn into angry girl where im always to blame. Sex seams to be the one major problem in the relationship. And i do "want" her. But when she wants, all she has to do is say boo and she gets what she wants. Has such a dominant personality that she should have "its my way or the highway" written on her chest. But when i want, i have to jump through so many hoops, its far from worth it. Over the last few months she has thrown the bid D word my way several times. I feel more lonely now then ever before. As if my only purpose in life is to get a paycheck, hand it over, help with the kids. Repeat. I stay for the kids. But how long can one do that and live?
2006-08-18 02:28:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Somewhere she is unhappy, but just really don't know where. You are providing for her in a lot of ways, but in some ways are not.
The best thing to do is to try to sit down and have a civil conversation. Try this as many times as you feel you should. If she won't open up, try counseling. If she refuses, the best thing to do is to honor her wish.
You deserve to be in a loving relationship that you are appreciated in. Let her go and find her happiness elsewhere.
As far as the children, yes this will be detrimental to them, but they will adjust. I believe that they will be effected more if you two stay in an unhealthy relationship.
2006-08-18 03:53:41 · answer #1 · answered by WANDERER 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage sounds exactly like mine. We live like brother and sister, like two ships passing in the night. I am very lonely as well. We've been together for 15 yrs, but I've been lonely for the last 4 yrs. I've tried to 'talk' about it as well. but I might as well be talking to the wall. I have considered the 'D' word, but it's not easy. You can keep up with the work, then go home, then repeat for only so long ~something will happen. For example, you might get along with a great coworker and decide 'What the heck, I am not happy anyway, I'll give her a try.' OR you will completely lose your self worth. Sometimes, I feel like no one loves me -besides my kids. And that I'll never feel loved again. I am trapped, like you are. I know how hard it is. In the long run, I know my man is not going to change. So I really know what I must do....I must find another man that will show me love and compassion. I will wait until I find him though.
Sorry, I don't have any advice for you. I just wanted to let you know that their are people out there in the same boat as you.
2006-08-18 06:25:30 · answer #2 · answered by dtammyus♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, my heart goes out to you. The D-word shouldn't be thrown around like that. Is she just tired from watching the kids? I don't understand. The best thing to do would be to talk to a marriage counselor (which, based on your description of your wife, might be a problem). Maybe by taking the initiative to research a professional and make an appointment, she'll see that you really want to save your marriage. What else can you possible do if she throws a fit everytime you talk about it? If that doesn't work, maybe plan an entire daylong date for her. Schedule things that you know she's interested in, and end it with a visit to the spa so she's nice and relaxed (maybe a couples massage..). Good luck..
2006-08-18 02:40:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering if she was a "dominant personality" when you were dating. If so, my guess is you were attracted to her because of it.
While I am sympathetic to your problem, I am wondering if the responsibilities of career and 2 children have taken their toll on the marriage. Her anger is a sign of frustration and you are feeling boxed in.
Why not (if you can afford it) surprise her with a short 2 or 3 day cruise somewhere without the kids? This would be an intimate little getaway where you both can relax and rediscover the romance that real life has interrupted.
2006-08-18 02:33:41 · answer #4 · answered by Angela 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't stay in a marriage just for the kids---because children can sense things that go on--i don't know how old your children are but, if they are young it is easier to brake away and you can still be there for them--but, don't put yourself though hell and be unhappy--my situation was different, my husband then was abusive and a alcoholic, couldn't let my children think it was alright for a women to get beaten up by a man---but i still let their father be apart of the kids life--just cause we couldn't get along, doesn't mean he was a bad dad...i still had him as a part of there lifes.....but, a marriage can't be a one sided relationship--it won't last..both have to give in and not dangle things over one another for something that should just come naturally with each other. hope this helped some...
2006-08-18 02:50:38 · answer #5 · answered by tabby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think u have to either go to a counsellor to discuss, need mediator here especially as she is threatening using the divorce. My advice... dont stay in an unhappy marriage for the kids if u cant resolve issues.... unhappiness will rub on to them also life is TOO SHORT. Its hard but by the sounds of it your relationship is spiralling down. Been there and now free & very happy & child also happier as dosnt see parents arguing
2006-08-18 02:36:32 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel terrible that you feel that way. My mother is going through the same thing as well. Here is a little question for you. Are you affectionate with your wife. That doesn't mean grabbin all over her and throwing yourself at her. That mean do you kiss her just to kiss her (not expecting it to lead to sex). Do you hold her, do you tell you love her (other than when she is mad or because she says it). For most women that is all we really want. We want to know that you want us. We want you to tell us that we are sexy. But, we don't want you to say these things so that you can get in our pants. Sit down with your wife and tell her that YOU want to talk. You would really like her to just listen and let you get through your whole speech and then she can talk after you are done. tell her how you feel. Don't play this big huge blame game....because as you know it is just frustrating as well as it puts people on the defense. I hope things work out for you. i will keep you in my prayers!
2006-08-18 02:41:23 · answer #7 · answered by blueyegurl0283 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I stayed for 17 years. The dynamics sound similar. Before you throw in the towel go and get some counseling. If she doesn't want to... go alone. That is the one step I wish I had done. I begged her to go to counseling for a long time and she wouldn't, so I let that scare me off from doing it myself. I wish I had done it. Perhaps I would have had more tools to cope with my own feelings and lived more happily during the time I chose to stay.
2006-08-18 02:54:13 · answer #8 · answered by Brent 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not happy in the marriage and I think it is time for you to move on. You can still enjoy your kids and NOT be married anymore. She will still get her money, she just won't have you to push around and grip at any more. Why don't you just go ahead and give her what she wants, a divorce.I think you both will be a lot happier.
2006-08-18 02:44:09 · answer #9 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you really need to sit down and tell her how you feel. Atleast if things don't work out you can say that you tried. Marriage is hard but you can't be miserable the rest of your life. She needs to realize that a big part of having a great marriage is sex.
2006-08-18 02:38:33 · answer #10 · answered by Renee25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋