My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we have a two year old little boy together. We have lived with one another for 3 1/2 of those years. I am ready to be married, but I am not too sure about him. We talk about it sometimes. But he makes comments all the time that he doesn't know if he ever wants to get married. But, he is definately not ready now. Here is where the question comes in.....I love him, I want to marry him & I want more kids. Do I tell him within the next year or so that he either marries me or leaves me? Or is it wrong to ask that? Do i settle for being a "baby ma'ma" or do I do what I know I deserve and ask to become a wife? I need advice....thank you!
2006-08-18 02:03:14 · 10 answers · asked by blueyegurl0283 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When one poses an ultimatum, it really draws the line. There's a potential for you to receive an answer you don't want. Turning back might be difficult.
He sounds like he might not be ready for marriage. But on the other hand, he sounds like he is pretty comfortable in his current situation by not being married. As for your son, having a "solid" family structure, that would teach and provide him more than you can imagine. The love that you and your husband would display by being married, that is.
I thought about recommending to you that you should propose to him, but that might scare him off or have him potentially give you an answer that might not be genuine, even if he did say "yes."
I would have a heart to heart with him and let him know how you feel and the impact this will have on your son. If anything, you can get a good gage on his feelings about being married.
If marriage is what you are looking for, you'll get it. If it's being married to him, you need to ask the right questions of him, but steer clear of ultimatums.
Sounds like you deserve the wedding bells though!
Best of luck!
2006-08-18 02:43:53 · answer #1 · answered by Jay 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, quite honestly I don't think this guy is ready for marriage - I think the pregnancy and baby was probably a lot for him. If he was ready to marry you, he would propose. You can give him an ultimatum, but it might end the relationship. Just make sure he really wants to go through it -- don't push or force him. Give him time and space to make an honest answer. If he tells you he's not ready, then the ball is in your court as to what you want to do and how to proceed from there. Best wishes!
2006-08-18 02:22:10 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked why he never wants to get married? You guys should talk about this very seriously because there is a long term relationship on the line, not to mention a child. Maybe giving an ultimatum would give you the answers you need, just prepare your heart before hand, you might not like the outcome.
2006-08-18 02:17:25 · answer #3 · answered by Dre 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be very careful. you may want to not be prepared for the outcomes. My spouse issued an ultimatum to me some years in the past. It wasn't a "do or do not attempt this or" yet a "i am going to flow out for an on web site manager interest and can want to come again on week-ends". It wasn't an out of city interest. i did not say ok or No. She did not do it and by no ability said it back. From that day, i have not felt an analogous. i do not live on it and by no ability imagine about it. It only isn't an analogous. I wish she had carried out it or not stated something. a minimum of you're wondering about it.
2016-11-05 02:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt give him an ultimatum, then you are pressuring him to make a decision he is obviously not ready to make. Would you want to be married knowing that you pressured him into it, or that it was a decision made out of love(on his part)? From a woman about to be seperated, its easy to get married but its a b**ch to get divorced. Give it some more time, he may honestly not be ready, or he may not ever want to be married. If marriage is something you feel so strongly about, give him the year, and if he still feels the way he does, then you have to do what you feel is right. Is he good to you and your child? Loving, caring, attentive? If so, then a piece of paper isnt gonna make that much of a difference.
Best of Luck to You Sweety
2006-08-18 02:25:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If after being together for 4 years, and he does "know" if he is ready yet or not?uh, he just plain don't want to get married. I mean you have lived together now like husband and wife for 3 1/2 years and he don't know as he says. Honey the plain truth of the matter is he don't want to. Just tell him that you want to be his wife and if he doesn't want to be married, ask him why after being together for 4 years, he doesn't want to be your husband? If you want to be a wife, I think you might have picked the wrong person.
2006-08-18 02:22:41 · answer #6 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you give an ultimatum you might not like the outcome. If you do that prepare yourself for the worst. But if you feel that you need to be married then you are wasting your time hanging around waiting on him. You should make a clean break, get over him and move on. Time heals all wounds.
2006-08-18 02:11:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lyndon Johnson once said " never tell a man to go to hell unless you intend to send him there"
2006-08-18 04:16:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't have any more children or continue to live with him until I had a stronger commitment from him.
2006-08-18 02:39:30 · answer #9 · answered by Jewells 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would you have 2 kids with this man its a good idea if you want a solid future.
2006-08-18 02:31:58 · answer #10 · answered by nicole l 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋