how about this story what would yo rate froma scale of 1-10?

Question

in a town where their is a huge gap between rich and poor.
a town called Lake river uptown lives the rich class who live like royalty meanwhile downtown the poor class live like animals.
The mayor of the town Slyvian Garcia, the richest man in the town has everything from expensive cars to expensives clothing
he was a very powerful man and very evil as well one time news spreaded that an inspector was coming to visit the town, every year a inspector vists a city to see the conditions and later he and a group vote on the best place to live in, Gracia knows of course this will do good for the economy which is low and other economic deals such as exports and imports trading deals.
But for that to be able to happen garcia knows he can't let the inspector see the lower class of the town (downtown that is) so one day he decides that he will rebuild the lower part of River Lake
and that meant destroying homes for the people who already live their, but the poor class will not go down.

Answer 1

First of all, before you can ask someone to judge your story honestly, someone who does that professionally, you need to be able to discern the difference between good and bad grammar, spelling and punctuation. No one can grasp or wants to grasp the contents of your writing until you can write cleanly, crisply, clearly, neatly and correctly. For example: in your story, your main character, Garcia, you've spelled his name Garcia, Gracia and garcia. Then, your tense changes from present to past and back again. If you're going to write in the past tense, stay in the past throughout your story.

This all shows that you haven't taken the time to proof read your own work, which means you haven't taken the time to really think about what it is you are writing.

You have an idea in your head and you want to put it down on paper. It takes many, many drafts before you come up with a finished product. Very few people can actually type something first time around and get it right. Practice writing on Word. Print it. Proof read it for errors. Print it again. Read it out loud. Then, let someone else read it. Then, post that draft and let us read that. That is how you write. There are no short cuts. There are no magic editors who do this for you. This is the craft of writing.

In a college writing course, you'd get a 1 or 2.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

3

it sounds a little boring. It could however be made into an interesting social commentary if you develop the idea a bit and go into less detail about the inspector. Just make him an inspector, the part about the best town sounds stupid. Have him be from like health Services or something, an unpaid start-up who isn't rich enough to sympathize with the uptown people. You could make the town a bit like pleasantville- the roads all go in circles and you can't leave it.
Just a few suggestions here.

Answer 4

I think you're going in the right direction. It has a good plot for a beginning. You need to proofread your work. You have alot of grammar and spelling mistakes in your story.

But you need to use more descriptive words. It makes the difference between reading a story and feeling like you'e there.

For example:
The mayor of the town Slyvian Garcia, the richest man in the town has everything from expensive cars to expensives clothing

I would rewrite it like this:
Slyvian Garcia was not only the mayor of Lake River, but the richest man in town as well. His political obligations and responsibilities did not hinder his taste for Armani suits and fast cars.

But it's your story. Just be more descriptive.

Answer 5

You're definitely going in the right direction. I would recommend that you use more descriptive words and phrases, and to pay maybe a little more attention to grammar/punctuation. Not big things though. Such as in the 2nd paragraph: is that meant to be one long sentence? Just focus in on things like that. Otherwise, your story is good. Trust me, punctuation and grammar are REALLY annoying (I write a bit as well), but it does make a difference to the reader for professionalism and for level of interest. Good luck!

Answer 6

Your story is not yet complete! Let's have the full story and then we'll decide about rating!!!!