What is a step-dad to do when the kids are not showing any respect and consistently making fun of me?

Question

Situation: 3 kids, all different ages. The oldest 2 daughters are now showing me any respect, are making jokes about me, are quick to point out & laugh at my own character defects, and are consistently belittling me. My wife intervenes sometimes, but other times she seems to promote this behavior by laughing at the kids jokes or not talking to her own kids about showing me respect or by just general statements that promote this behavior. What is a first time step-dad to do in this situation?

Answer 1

In the first place...your wife is showing them that this kind of behavior is ok by laughing along with them and not putting a stop to it. You ned to talk to her and make sure she understands how this makes you feel. If she respected you then she would not let this go on. My husband is also a step parent, He has never had children of his own..and children will learn how to manipulate if they can. We let them know from the beginning......He has the same authoriy I do when it come to our household and the rules. He has never tried to be the "boss"....but he won't let them walk all over him either. I would never allow my children to disrespect him in any way. He took on a role most men either won't or can't handle. And he is doing what thier dad chose not to do...so for him stepping up to the plate and taking on that position..they respect him more. If anyone should step up in your situation..it should be your wife. ....She is being childish and taking on the "my kids" role instead of "our kids".......If the children are old enough to know that what they are doing is wrong...then sit them down and talk to them. Let them know that you don't appreciate it, and it makes you want to pull away rom them a little....that your not going to tolerate it very much longer and that they can control whether you all have a good relationship or one that is diminished because of thier behavior. There will come a time when they want you to do something for them and you just may not be around. let them know you love them....but a person can only handle so much......You will have to put your foot down on this I'm afraid...or it won't change. And sooner or later you will start resenting your wife for it....I wish you luck.

Answer 2

Knowing the kid's ages would be helpful, but they say taking on a disciplinarian role is just about impossible if you are introduced to the relationship after they are around 5 years old. My oldest was five when I met my wife and I have still got the "You are not my dad!" response 12 years later.
Having said that, all people within the house must show respect for each other. Your wife must show she has zero tolerance for such behaviour and punish it accordingly. Instead of saying 'Don't talk to Fletcher like that" She should try "Don't talk to MY husband like that". This shows more unity between the two of you.
Although it is sometimes hard, don't belittle or allow others to belittle their natural father. He is still their father and there is a natural bond there, even if he is a useless git. You will only further damage your relationship with the kids. If you take the high road they will see and respect that.
Watch Dr. Phil.

Answer 3

They don't like having you around because they feel you're threatening their family (this is just a guess, I don't know all the details so I could be wrong). You should try to show a lot of respect for them, too, and that is the first step towards having a respectful relationship. The respect has to be mutual.

Answer 4

You've got the toughest job in the whole wide world under the best of circumstances. Your wife is not making it any easier and, in fact, is teaching her children very bad things. Being disrespectful of anyone, let alone an adult is serious--very serious. Try to get her to see that by talking with her, counseling with a therapist, or doing research on step-parenting.

Answer 5

Well being the step-dad to 6 kids. Maybe they joke and pick at you because they like you and do not know it offends you. Are you there first step-dad. They could be doing it for all kinds of reasons, but you need to sit them down and talk to them about it. Not your wife, you have to do it.

Answer 6

Maybe you should have a family meeting about this situation,see if this is about the kids having a new man in their lives.If that doesn't work, try and find out what is bothering them so much.Trust me my mom does this kind of stuff every time someone has a problem in the family.

Answer 7

There's nothing you can do, those are not your kids and they will always hate and disrespect you because you are not the man that created them, take my word for it! They will work day and night until you'll get kick out of the house, they will blame everything on you and it will always be a point of discussion between you and your? woman...
15 years I lived with a woman and two male monsters, giving them all of my money and tenderness... what for?
They did every possible effort to destroy my relation with her... and looks like they got it..., forget about raising someone Else's kids, it dosn't work is a dead end road..

Answer 8

Learn to have a sense of humor, if you show it bothers you, they will eat you alive.

Play along, when they make fun of you, agree to it, and then find something they are sefl conscious about and pick on them. Find any fears they have, like insects, animals etc, and use it to your advantage. Your wife, may laugh along, but it's her hids and maybe she's impressed by their whit, I'm sure she thinks is wrong, but sometimes a person can't hold back.

If the kids didn't care for you, they wouldn't waste their time picking on you.

Answer 9

Rise above them.
This is a situation and you must rise to it or be forever downtrodden. When they realise that your world will not crumble without their respect for you, that's when you will get some respect.

Answer 10

Seems you did not know what you were getting yourself into...I have no pity for you.