He walked out three months ago. Has made no effort to see his three children unless its convient. He is always late when asked to watch the kids so i can go to work. Most often he lies, to get out of his responsibilities to our kids. Its time to start the process of divorce. Where do i start? and should I change our locks to the house? I don't want to keep him from seeing his kids but I need to gain some control over our house and our personal lives. What should I do?
2006-08-18 00:06:29 · 13 answers · asked by RollMyDice 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
From an ideal and moral standpoint, I'm totally for you changing the locks on the house and creating a safe space for you and the kids.
(In terms of his commitments, he seems to have abandoned the family, so he no longer gets to act like one of the family.)
Legally, however, you need to examine the laws in the state in which you live. The sort of thing he has done would fall legally under the term "desertion," and is grounds for a "fault divorce" [i.e., someone can be blamed for the marriage failing] in some states.
However, there are criteria that must be met before you can have your spouse legally declared to have deserted you -- for example, in Illinois, your spouse must be gone for at least a year before official desertion occurs and a fault divorce can be pursued.
Technically, if the law considers the two of you married, and especially if he has his name on the deed to your house, then I'm not sure you can legally bar him from the home without an official review of your situation and a court order barring him from the premises.
If I had to figure this out, I would probably call a divorce lawyer in your state, since they have experience with situations like this, and ask their advice / go for a consultation. They can tell you your options and the best course of action to protect yourself and your family not just from physical intrusion but from the emotional harm your husband is causing all of you by his blatant violation of your personal boundaries.
Take care.
2006-08-18 02:27:37 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
changing the locks will not solve the problem, he can break in if he choose to. the only thing i will suggest is that u have a kind of arrangement were he will be coming on agreed days to see the children the court will grant him that during the divorce proceedings. U can make a fake threat of calling the police when next he comes home unannouced. Or do u still love him and wants him back?
2006-08-18 00:19:42 · answer #2 · answered by ijlafia2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should change the locks. I understand how you feel... He should know that you have your own life now. Its only the kids that you have in common, except of course the property which will be resolved once the divorce is over..
2006-08-18 00:29:55 · answer #3 · answered by Ai 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
change locks &start proceedings... He left... He has no right to be there... NONE. Court will say that too. If he comes in its trespass and he can be arrested. Start it right away get the court to settle it... that way it is in writting. He will put up a fight though.... just wait and see that.... he will get all nicey nicey cause he will not want to PAY.... DONT BE FOOLED!!!!!
He does not have the right to enter YOUR house cause he wants to see the kids . He left --YOU do NOT owe him that. You owe him a SCHEDULED visit with the kids.
Court will help with that... and you can get a temp order for that before the final divorce.
He cheated its done!
2006-08-18 00:15:33 · answer #4 · answered by DrVodka 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yeah you go girl, change the locks and YOU call the shots, don't rely on him for babysitting find someone else, be independent, get on with your life and be strong, it's not your fault if he's not going to be a good dad.The kids will see this in the long run, don't deny him though, maybe don;t tell the kids when he's coming over , so as not to disappoint the kids.
2006-08-18 01:03:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes, change the locks. set up a time for him to see the kids at a specific time and when he doesnt, his fault.
get someone else to watch the kids, so you can go to work. if you miss or late to work too often you will lose your job. they would want someone dependable.
go to local court house and ask what papers to get. and where to go.
2006-08-18 00:38:35 · answer #6 · answered by cats3inhouse 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Baby! You should have changed the locks the day he moved in with his girlfriend. File for divorce today. Good Luck
2006-08-18 00:12:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely change the locks!! If he walked out, he has no right to walk back in. He made his decision three months ago.
2006-08-18 00:22:46 · answer #8 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to contact an attorney immediately--one that specializes in divorce. If you guys jointly own that home then you need to talk to him and he will tell you now to proceed. You will need to have it established that he can not enter the home before you change the locks or else you could get in legal trouble. So contact that attorney now-do not delay.
2006-08-18 00:13:16 · answer #9 · answered by freshstart_newbeginning 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Divorce him today. If he lefted you, then he made the move and now you can make the next one. Change the locks and say ITS OVER A#$H!@%&.
2006-08-18 01:12:12 · answer #10 · answered by why?? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋