Best dodgy rhyming couplets in songs?

Question

I've just been reminded of this whilst hearing Billy Bragg on the radio.
He managed:
I've got an uncle who once played
For Red Star Belgrade
and
I look like Robert De Niro
I drive a Mitsubishi Zero

In one song. Neither of which served any purpose other than to fill a gap.
I know there are far, far better than that.

ComradeLouise. That was on QI I believe?
Top show!

Answer 1

Why can't bands be more honest about filling gaps in songs like Camper Van Beethoven:

'Some people say that bowling alleys got big lanes,
Some people say that bowling alleys all look the same,
There's not a line that goes here that rhymes with anything'
(not a couplet but good nonetheless)

Best off the top of me head:

Take up tai chi now your favourite pet has died,
We had crazy fuckin' times 'till her visa card expired.

It used to be form to be warned about robots,
And alien life-forms on your way to the toilets.

Try agrophobic, schizophrenic,
paranoid attacks of panic.

Answer 2

As soon as I saw this question I remembered a lyric from an ABC song in the mid 1980's

- ah well, mustn't grumble
have another piece of apple crumble

It was a shite line then, and it still is now. Can't remember the song though.

But the best dodgy rhyming couplet ever though has got to be-

I am an antichrist
I am an anarchist

A very dodgy rhyme, that. Top song though.

Another good one is by Kraftwek -

Radioactivity
Invented by Madame Curie

Answer 3

Hey I will offer a different kind of answer .. rather than picking one .. I will give you a song that is a total cornucopia of such .. have fun picking your favourite line out of this (the breasts / mountains is my personal favourite)

"Whenever, Wherever" by Shakira

Lucky you were born that far away so
We could both make fun of distance
Lucky that I love a foreign land for
The lucky fact of your existence

Baby I would climb the Andes solely
To count the freckles on your body
Never could imagine there were only
Ten Million ways to love somebody

Le ro lo le lo le, Le ro lo le lo le
Can't you see
I'm at your feet

Whenever, wherever
We're meant to be together
I'll be there and you'll be near
And that's the deal my dear

Thereover, hereunder
You'll never have to wonder
We can always play by ear
But that's the deal my dear

Lucky that my lips not only mumble
They spill kisses like a fountain
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains
Lucky I have strong legs like my mother
To run for cover when I need it
And these two eyes that for no other
The day you leave will cry a river

Le ro le le lo le, Le ro le le lo le
At your feet
I'm at your feet

Whenever, wherever
We're meant to be together
I'll be there and you'll be near
And that's the deal my dear

Thereover, hereunder
You'll never have to wonder
We can always play by ear
But that's the deal my dear

Le ro le le lo le, Le ro le le lo le
Think out loud
Say it again

Le ro lo le lo le lo le
Tell me one more time
That you'll live
Lost in my eyes

Whenever, wherever
We're meant to be together
I'll be there and you'll be near
And that's the deal my dear

Thereover, hereunder
You've got me head over heels
There's nothing left to fear
If you really feel the way I feel

Answer 4

An old country an western song I remember bugging me as a kid 'El Passo', by Marty Robins I think;

'I picked a good one

it looked like it could run'

One/ run ?? Not really, Marty!


oooh, I've just remembered another one;
Big yellow taxi;

Dig up all the trees and put 'em in a tree museum
and charge all the people a dollar and a half
just to see 'em

A real MacGonigalism!

Answer 5

Alan Davies came up with a cracker, that an indie band living near him came up with:

"Peter Cushing lives in Whitstable
I have seen him buying vegetables!

Based on a true autobiographical experience of the lead singer, it goes to the tune "dee-dee-da-da-dee-dee-da-da-da" and repeats up to a crescendo. Everyone on board? Altogether now...

It was indeed! Apparently a new series coming soon. Can't wait. Just finished Moab is my Washpot and getting the old jimmy leg waiting for a new fix

Answer 6

Joni Mitchell, The Last Time I Saw Richard

Richard got married to a figure skater
And he brought her a dishwasher and a coffee peculator.

Answer 7

I am leaving my wife
for a better life

Am putting a sign up in the sky
to tell her she lived a lie

And before she gets my dollars
I'll put diamonds on dogs collars

And give the collars to strangers
and inform them of the dangers

of having a wife who has an affair
it leaves me angry like a bear

and also...it's got to beeeeee perfect, it's got to beeeeee worth it

Answer 8

I've been listening to The Young Knives a lot recently, and in one of their songs is the lines
"A cup of tea a cup of sake,
A virgin Mary with a mark-ee"

I haven't got a clue what he's on about.

Answer 9

You CANNOT beat this- Black Sabbath, 'War Pigs'.

Generals gathered in their masses
Just like Witches at Black Masses

Ozzy, lyrical feckin' genius!

Oh and Gene Simmons wrote the worst song ever, on of the lines is-

You've got a personali-teeee
Just like a bucket of peeee

Ozzy and Gene, seperated at birth?

Answer 10

Dodgiest I heard was on the Beastie boys song "Negotiation Limerick File" where they managed

"So here we come
Like dum ditty dum"

and later on, also gave

"We're giving you soul power
I like it sweet and sour"

The entire song (like many beastie boys songs) have very dodgy lyrics, yet they are very enjoyable to listen too