2006-08-17 22:41:42 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
there's obviously a bit of resentment going on, which they wont possibly readily admit to, so, in order to be loyal to their biological dad, whether he's an arsewipe or not, they are putting this in place so that they can assert boundaries for themselves and in this way retain *some* amount of 'empowerment' in the relationship between you, their mum and themselves. Obviously, it was not their decision for you to marry their mum, perhaps openly, or covertly, they dont like the idea, perhaps they are happy for their mum, but still want to remain 'empowered' to make decisions in what was once their family before you entered the scene.
The only tools you have left is to prove that you love them as your own, you obviously do by the fact that you're not too happy about being left out as 'the grandad'. Which is endearing and noble of you, however, make sure you 'earn' what they expect you to, their trust, and this title of 'grandad' where scientifically speaking, your sperm had not earnt that title. (hehe) Have fun, and just woo them with love, it usually works. Best wishes, Wisdom.
2006-08-17 22:51:13 · answer #1 · answered by Wisdom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could discuss with them whether an appropriate nickname may be more suitable and if they would be happier with that.Unless they don`t really get on with you ,it seems a bit of a shame not to call you grandad,but it may be because they have other grandparents and they think the children might be confused,there are alternative names.My own children had different names for both their grandfathers,one was pop-pop and one was gralan(because my dad`s name was Alan).See if they have any objections to another name or make one up.
2006-08-18 01:16:30 · answer #2 · answered by AMANDA G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong to want it but you have to remember that they wouldn't be your "step grand children" if you hadn't met your new wife. Let things ride for now ... maybe the kids will call you Grandad when they're old enough to decide for themselves.
2006-08-17 23:19:59 · answer #3 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My three children (and all my brother's and sister's children) call my step dad Grandad even tho we have always called him by his name. Its not wrong to want them to, it shows you want to be a part of their life..... is their dad still around? It might be that they don't want to hurt his feelings. Talk to them
2006-08-17 22:48:06 · answer #4 · answered by bexik 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, give them time and don't try too hard to influence them one way or the other. My stepsons call me "Pa" (as opposed to "Dad" their dad), but my parents prefer them using their first names to saying Grandad and Grandma. So be it. It's not wrong at all by the way, re your question..
Chris.
2006-08-18 03:54:40 · answer #5 · answered by CT 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is always a potential for tension when entering into a relationship with strings attatched. Many children, even adult ones, will have loyalties to their natural fathers.
Take it slowly and try to prove your love and devotion for the 'grandchildren'. You may well gradually win your stepchildren over in time but don't try to force the name or the situation.
Good luck
2006-08-17 22:56:41 · answer #6 · answered by »»» seagull ««« 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not wrong of you, but if their father is still alive, he's grandad. They have to be comfortable with how their children address you.
2006-08-17 22:48:06 · answer #7 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The key here is the word "future". They're not your stepchildren yet. Give it time. If you marry their mother and prove yourself, they will want you to.
Saying that, I did't want my children to call their stepfather "Daddy". I felt they had a father, whom by then I loathed, and didn't want to be reminded of it all the time. Unfortunately my mother didn't agree with me and against my wishes, influenced my children. I've never accepted it and always resented it. So it might be a backhanded compliment, if you get my drift.
2006-08-17 23:32:09 · answer #8 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its not wrong for you to want it but then it is also their choice ... as the 'new addition' to the family unit you need to be sensitive to their feelings and let things develop .. your partner is your key relationship and as such that is what is most important...
if you are worried by this then maybe you should talk to your partner about it and see if she can determine the reasons / a way forward.
2006-08-17 22:52:12 · answer #9 · answered by enzuigiriuk 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
not wrong at all...
its who you are, isnt it? unless there's more to the situation than what you've told us, you have the right to be called granddad...
if the situation is like you have been a really bad parent, and your step children feel you have lost the right to be called a dad, then its different... and complicated.
as of now, you should demand to be called granddad
2006-08-17 23:12:39 · answer #10 · answered by Hammy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋