can this marriage be saved?

Question

i recently discovered my husband having e-mails back and forth very explicity with men and women and actually wanting to set up meetings. he travels and some messages were from where he travels and even some guy in my town. he also mentioned to the guy in town he has three kids in the house and cant "host" but once in awhile they could come over..... ive suspected for awhile there was something going on esp with the traveling for work but i never expected these messages from esp men, is my husband a true bisexual engaging in affairs because he tells me that it is just chat fantasy and he has never physically met anyone anywhere, i think hes lying, too much info on hotels each was staying at etc. he says i am the only person he has truly loved and that he got a problem but hes never acted on it just to the point of conquering the other person lol. my second marriage, no kids with him, i do love him but is counseling enough to save our marriage given the circumst. please help.

Answer 1

Counseling would be nice, but the primary step is to actually confront him about your qualms. Don't accuse him of cheating on you or hurting your feelings. Simply state that you want an open, honest and serious discussion to release the stress and concern. The most important step is to assure him that you aren't afraid to tell him your suspicions. If your relationship, especially regarding marriage, is questionable, then you definitely need to set everything in alignment even if it's just for your own well-being.

If he tells the truth, and it's one that you suspected for a while, then please get counselling. Honestly, emotions can blind one's own perception and logic. Even if you love this man, you have to prioritize sense over your feelings. It is very important that you two are truthful and trustworthy to each other; if not, then you have some steps to take into consideration and inform him of those if he cannot be truthful.

Good luck in your efforts.

Answer 2

You don't must "teach" her as if she is a dog!!! Initially, your present problem need to me the final result of whatever... What has been going down between you two?? Have not you tried to do not forget that she have got to be even much less satisfied than you are?? You're considering practically "fingering" and stuff like that after possibly the source of the quandary is verbal exchange?, empathy? And working out??? Some thing else beyond the mere sexual act? And don't even attempt to take this predicament as an excuse and cheat on your spouse now!! That may very egocentric and even immature for a person of your age... Try to pay attention what she has to claim and don't judge her of having typical ideas... Im definite there is a lot to save in in your marriage, much more after 22 years!!!!! Good good fortune and sorry If I spoke strongly but guys frequently are so thoughtless....

Answer 3

The sad thing is that you had to find out this way ! Instead of him being honest first and telling you he had this problem. It sounds like he's not an honest person.
If he is truly sorry, then it MIGHT be able to be saved and if he wants to go to therapy. He maybe should try the SA or Sex Anonymous, for sex addicts too (i've seen on tv, that it is out there).
But if he is not incredibly sorry and jumping on his own free will into therapy, then forget it. Sadly, the odds are against you in this situation.
I disagree with some people in saying that if you love someone, you won't cheat on them. This may be true for most women, but men can have sex easily without any further feelings involved.
You have to ask him the truth, and if he is preferring men or still cheating on you, then leave...you don't need him!

Answer 4

You do not have to "coach" her as though she is a puppy!!! to begin with, your present problem ought to me the end result of anything... what has been going down among you 2?? have not you attempted to bear in mind that she ought to be even much less convinced than you're?? you're pondering close to "fingering" and stuff like that after perhaps the supply of the trouble is conversation?, empathy? and expertise??? something else Beyond the mere sexual act? And do not even attempt to take this problem as an excuse and cheat in your spouse now!! That might very egocentric or even immature for a person of your age... Try to concentrate what she has to mention and DON'T JUDGE her of getting conventional ideas... im definite there is plenty to save lots of in on your marriage, much more after 22 years!!!!! Good good fortune and sorry If I spoke strongly however guys mostly are so inconsiderate....

Answer 5

Interesting predicament to be in. I read all of the other responses and a lot of people feel like I feel. My first concern would be my health. Next is the trust issue. It doesn't sound purely innocent. Has he admitted that he is bi-sexual or gay? Men don't conquer other men. There is a lot of this going on right now with men not considering themselves gay because they occasionally have sex with men, often times not using protection because if they did it would be premeditated/planned. Hmmm...., will you be able to look at him in the same light or have intimate relations with him without wondering where he was on his last business trip, doing what, with whom? That's the ultimate question here and only you can answer that.

Answer 6

There seem to be so much going on.

Personally, I prefer therapy to counselling. It deals more on your emotional issues rather than issues that caused the break up.

When your emotions are in placed and you are more anchored, you will be able to make a better decision, be it to save or let go your marriage. With therapy, you will not regret the decision you made at the end of the day.

I am going through it right now and I can feel the difference in the way I feel, think, react, respond and act. I too am making the decision whether to save or let go of my marriage due to his cheatings. My main objective is to allow myself to make a decision that I will not regret for the rest of my life. At the end of the therapy sessions, I hope to be able to live and be happy with my decision.

Answer 7

Report: Griffey's parents have cancer
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FOXSports.com
Posted: 14 hours ago



Both of Ken Griffey Jr.'s parents were recently diagnosed with cancer, according to a report in the Cincinnati Enquirer.

Griffey's mother, Birdie, was scheduled to undergo colon cancer surgery Thursday in Orlando, Fla.
And according to the Enquirer Junior nearly opted out of the lineup for Thursday's series finale vs. St. Louis to be with his mother.

Griffey, however is in the lineup and batting third for the Reds.

Obviously, this is one of the most trying times in Griffey's life as he reportedly learned about his mother's cancer shortly after learning that his father, Ken Sr., was suffering from prostate cancer.

"Not one parent but both your parents," he said. "It's been tough."

Griffey, according to the Enquirer, has known about his father's cancer for about a week and a half. He found out about his mother's a few days later.

Ken Sr., 57, and Birdie are divorced.

Not being with them has made things difficult.

"You want to be able to look into their eyes and see if they're bending the truth," Griffey said.

Answer 8

My recently ex-boyfriend said the same to me that it was just harmless stuff on the computer. Then a week ago he told me that our 2 year relationship was a lie and that he never loved me and was using me and has since met someone online. So take my advice and get out before he brings home a disease to you. Good luck!!

Answer 9

The greatest question is trust.

Would you be able to trust him again, with our without counseling? None of the counseling in the world is going to save your marriage if you can't find yourself trusting him.

If you can't, you'll find youself spending your days doubting everything, and questioning every move and making the both of you miserable. It might not be worth it if you know yourself well enough to answer that question.

Answer 10

What a shock it must be to find that out! but Hey, that's NOT normal. He's just into sex, not into marriage. Why stay with him if he can't be trusted. And diseases... AAAHHHH just imagine getting AIDS, thanks to your pervert husband. Love is built on trust and respect, among other things. He just proofed he can't be respectful nor trusted.