Is this wrong of me?

Question

Well my baby has just started solids. When my boyfriend's mom found out she bought some baby food for my daughter for when she's at her house. The thing is that I dont feel that that was necessary. I think that I should be able to send what I want my daughter to eat and how much whens she's there. Im basically concerned that she will be getting too many fruits because I dont plan on giving her much....at least not yet. Im concerned that they will be giving her alot of baby food instead of her milk.

yes she is the first baby and grandchild

Answer 1

You have true concerns as solids are something you dont want to go full on into, but gradually. Emphasise this to grandma and ask her what foods exactly has she got for her so that you can plan the baby's diet. If there are some that you dont want her to have yet, tell her what you want her to have for now and that you'll let her know when you have started the other foods.

I have a simular situation where someone who cares for my 5mth old did the same. You do need to allow her as a grandparent to enjoy the 'fun' of buying baby food (its exciting for her too) and enjoy the feeding side of it too. All you need to do is get communication going. If you have given her fruit for the day; when you arrive tell grandma 'she's had fruit today'. If you would like to feed her something later other than her bottle, then please feed her vegetables'. Grandma is sure to oblidge with you allowing her to still feed her something.

I also implement the rule that the baby must not be fed solids unless she drinks her whole bottle beforehand so that she still gets the milk she needs. At pickup time you can ask again 'what has she eaten/had to drink today etc'. Enjoy the exciting time of solids!

Answer 2

I'm going through this with my mom right now, and it's not fun. She watches my two boys during the day while I work. They LOVE the Quaker instant oatmeal (the flavored kind). She's taking Apples and Cinnamon flavor and adding brown sugar and half and half to it!!! I'm like, Mother...you're taking something relatively healthy and making it horrible! If it was the plain, unflavored kind sure...a little brown sugar and MILK would be fine, but not this... She's finally stopped doing this.

As for your baby's grandparents... Check out their stock of food and see what they've purchased. Make out a food list...what food, how much food, and how often. Tell them that this is your baby and you only want what's best for her, and ask them to please follow your wishes and feed her what you ask, and make sure she gets enough formula. If you have to, make a list of everything they have and when you pick her up, look to see what's missing. If it's obvious they gave her an entire jar of Stage 2 fruits and nothing else, and not much formula was gone, ask them why they didn't respect your wishes when it came to YOUR child.

My two boys are the first grandkids on my side of the family, and my mom is HORRIBLE about spoiling them. You just have to stand your ground, be firm, and let them know that she is your baby. They had their children and raised them, and now it's time to let you do your thing.

I finally asked my mom one day, "You didn't have your mom standing over your back going against your wishes when we were growing up, did you?" She proceeded to tell me "yes". I responded with, "Doesn't feel to great, does it?" I think at that point it finally sank in and she started respecting us and our wishes.

Granparents (especially first time ones) usually think that their way is best. ("But I gave you mashed potatoes when you were only a month old, and you're fine!" or "I know I put her to sleep on her stomach...that's how you slept when you were a baby, and you lived to tell about it!" etc.) While I do believe some of the "old fashioned ways" of doing things with babies IS sometimes better, it's not always so. You have to remember that it's been a LONG time since grandparents have had an infant to take care of, and they're only doing it because they want to help and they think their way might be better than yours. :)

Answer 3

Perhaps your boyfriend's mom thought that having some baby food on standby might be helpful?

I think you should discuss it with her. Tell her that if she doesn't mind, you'd prefer to supply the food for your baby while she's there... just so you know exactly how much she is getting.

Naturally you need to be tactful and word it carefully to avoid disputes, but hopefully she will understand your point of view and respect your wishes, or at least, if you discuss it properly you will get a good idea of each other's point of view.

There is always the problem of grandparents wanting to be part of the child's upbringing and having different views that unwittingly going against the wishes of the parent/s of the child... It's just one of those things in life you have to get around as best as you can. Hopefully in a civil way.

Answer 4

Next time your daughter goes over there without you, call her and ask if she can feed her the food you gave her. If you feel bad, say she can have some of the baby food, but specify an amount. As the mother, you make the ultimate decisions about your daughter. Everyone has to respect what you want for your baby.

Answer 5

Let grandma know that you are keeping close track of what your baby eats b/c it's important when introducing new foods to watch for allergies. If you introduce too many at once, and she has a reaction, then you don't know what caused it. State plainly, "it's okay to give her peaches this week b/c that's what I'm starting her on, and I'll let you know what food you can use as I start her on it. Please don't give her anything other than that."

That's tactful, and surely she'll understand. If it'll help, tell her that your pediatrician emphasized the importance of giving them only one new food at a time. Grandma will have to get the point. It's also important now that you set the grounds that YOU are the parent. If you let little things go like this, before you know it they are doing a lot of things that you aren't okay with, and you don't even know where to begin. Don't be afraid to put your foot down. This is your daughter.

Answer 6

hi there by any chance is this a first baby and 1st grandchild ?? as it sounds like this to me she must be so excited at the thought of youre beautiful daughter going to her house that she only wanted to make sure that there is stuff there for her ,why dont you both go shopping together and get stuff that you want youre daughter to eat,or take a few nappies round to her house and explain to her that you want to leave it there just in case she needs to get changed i know you are more than capable mum and i bet youre a good one but i have experience of this as my mother-in-law was the exact same and when i did these few things ........life suddenly got a lot easier for me ,and with looking after 2 babies i needed all the help i could get on making things easier ,good luck with youre problem hope my idea helps take care x

Answer 7

I'd also be concerned about them offering a new food without your permission.

Talk to them. Let them know that you are following your doctor's advice about how to start solids slowly to help watch for allergies, etc. (Our doctor has ALWAYS told us that "it's OK to make me the bad guy" in situations like these.) If they watch the baby for you, write out the instructions about what you want her fed and how much/when she should be fed. Ask that they respect your wishes. If you feel that they cannot be trusted to do what you want (because YOU are the parent) then personally, I would not leave my child there.

Answer 8

when i started my child on solids, i always kept on giving milk, but also the fruit was really good for him. if your baby doesnt want the solids, they wont have it, they will spit it out, or cry. so, if she isnt complaining too much, i wouldnt worry. at least you arent paying for the extra food your mum buys. ;)
and also, fruit will help your baby stay regular, and her nappies wont smell as eggy/milky. its good to start a baby on fruit as a good solid meal.. i would think apple, peaches and banana is a fun and nice fruit. [obviously the apple would be puree] but give your child a chance to chew on the bananas themselves [edit: just reviewing my answer... if you dont trust your baby with a banana, just squash it up and make it all gooey, and they will love you for it]. thats good fun too.. and also, perhaps those tough teething rusks are a good idea too, my child loved them. they help strengthen gums and help the teeth come through so that they can handle harder food later on. dont stress too much.

and like i said earlier.. if they arent complaining too loudly about the solids, then its probably fine. [psst.. my mum did the exact same thing]

Answer 9

Oh, good question. My mom hired a nanny for my little brother right after he was born with the instructions of not too many fruits(it turns them off more nutritious foods and onto sweets.) But the nanny ignored it and gave him what she wanted to and he's a grown child now with MAJOR eating problems(won't eat anything healthy ever; it's a miracle he's still alive.) I suggest politely telling her you appriciate the gesture but you'd feel bad for her to try to find the foods you prefer your child to eat as their very specific. I hope it works!

Answer 10

It's entirely up to you. You should tell her that you only want your baby eating certain foods, and that you will send what you want her to eat when she's at your bf's mom's house. You're the mom here. You have every right to say what you want for your baby.