And also, is it worth it to be hostile towards the person they cheated with?
2006-08-17 20:24:57 · 27 answers · asked by no_um_4_u 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If both people still love eachother and the one who cheated is sorry and wants to make things right, I think it might be well worth the time to try to work things out. However, if the person who cheated has done it before (this time being the 2nd or 3rd time), I would start to think that they would always be a cheater. If someone proves to you over and over that they can't be trusted, you need to get them out of your life. Relationships don't work without trust on both sides.
It's completely understandable to be hostile to the person they cheated with. It's human nature. If you weren't, then something might be wrong with you. I'm not saying you should confront that person, but it's normal to feel like you want to kick them off the face of the earth. haha
If you love this person and you honestly think that they would never cheat on you again, then I'd say try to work it out. If your gut feeling says they'll do it again, it'd probably be best to move on to better things. There are guys that don't cheat on their girlfriends and spouses. I'm sure you deserve someone like that. Go with you gut feeling.
Good luck to you. I'll say a prayer for you. :)
2006-08-17 20:33:39 · answer #1 · answered by ☼ lovethesun11 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex-husband cheated. He agreed to counseling but he was late for the first two sessions then stopped going at all. It was obvious he had no intention of saving our 13 1/2 year marriage. We divorced and he proceeded to marry the woman he cheated with. They now have 4 children.
It is normal to feel hostility towards the other person but it is a waste of your time and energy. It won't change a damn thing. I was angry and resented her for the longest time until I realized, my anger was directed at the wrong person. My ex and I haven't talked in 8 years and I never intend to talk to him again even though we do occasionally do still see each other at certain functions.
I am now very happily re-married and I couldn't be more in love!!
2006-08-17 20:33:58 · answer #2 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything worth saving is worth saving.
The real issue is why the spouse has cheated. Sometimes, people haven't " gone through" parts of their lives that they needed to complete, and this causes them to go outside the lines to go through it.
Unfortunately, it is at the risk of the relationship and the other person.
Marriage counselling is great if both parties are open to the idea. If both of you want it to work, it can, and will.
But you must ask, why did this person cheat? Do they find you insufficient in some area, and must look elsewhere for it? If so, then that could be grounds of not bothering to fix it.
If this claims to "have slipped" in cheating, then you must look at the possibility of it happening again. If so, there's your answer.
If this person is simply an easily-influenced person, and can't say no to the guiles of the opposite sex, then you must be ready to teach him/her what he/she needs to do to be 'worthy' of being in a close relationship.
In the end, both of you MUST be honest about the grounds on what it means to be in relationship with each other. The other person might genuinely think it's ok to cheat once in a while, and if that isn't what you agree on, then something has to change, or it has to end.
It takes two to tango, but one to ask the other to dance.
2006-08-17 20:33:51 · answer #3 · answered by Scott Rinke 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After a spouse cheats its very rough to answer your question about worth it i would say that it all depends you have to look at alot of things like how much you love him, how important he is in your life, if you can handle the long hard struggle of trusting him again, if you can bare to be without him, how sorry he is about it, it you both are willing to give 100% with counseling and communicating how every thing that has happened is affecting both of you. Love is hard and very trying at time but that is life and sometimes going though this will make you both stronger people. and about being hostle with the other person I think u should just try your best to avoid them all together and try not to think about them i know its hards but you have enough to work out with your spouse i think u should not concern yourself with the other person. hope all this helps
2006-08-17 20:37:03 · answer #4 · answered by Mary P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you really love this person that cheated on you. I say give it a shot and go through the counseling. You have nothing to lose at this point. If you cant cope or he cant try to be honest then at least you gave it all you had. Never, waste to much time on a cheating heart.
2006-08-17 20:29:36 · answer #5 · answered by clark_lt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you love your spouse, its probably worth giving another shot. But its never a good thing to hate anyone. Hating gives out too much negative energy that it will consume you til nothing more is left. You wouldn't want that. Whats worse, the person to whom the hostility is directed at probably couldn't care less.
2006-08-17 20:50:16 · answer #6 · answered by ladyluck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope.. you should go get you some too. Then the "spouse" will know what it feels like to be cheated on, and you can both decide what you want to do for the future. All counselling does is make some 3rd person a little wealthier while they get to listen to your dirty laundry.
2006-08-17 20:29:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it probably worth trying to save the marriage. because it seems though after your spouse has cheated you cant feel any worse, yes you can and you will. when two people split up it actually feels that way mentally and even fiscally at times, and if their are children then the problem of divorce could have a much greater effect.
2006-08-17 20:38:19 · answer #8 · answered by lacey a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 Do you love them
2 why did they cheat
3 do you have kids
some people cheat just to cheat some because they no its wrong and for the thrill
Ask yourself these Q the answer is inside of you.
2006-08-17 20:30:51 · answer #9 · answered by badbad_80 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
most of the time, people do get over it, especially if the one who cheated is the male, god knows why. and yeah baby, i won't only just be hostile towards the person they cheated with, it will be more than hostile. but of course, i will 'punish' my partner first.
2006-08-17 20:29:15 · answer #10 · answered by (coco) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋