will take care of me and the children but he likes to f... around. of course everything is my fault. My problem is I still love him. I know I dont have any dignity and my head says that I have to send him away. schould I do that or wait for the sake of my family till he is over his crisis (he is 50 years old). To be honest I am so hurt I really would like to die
2006-08-17 20:08:18 · 12 answers · asked by su2b4 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would assume that the other woman is younger. He would either stop the affair now or he would be out the door, he wants his cake and wants to eat it too...he is 50 years old, and should know better, does he expect you to stand by until this affair end? The grass isn't any greener on the other side of the fence even though he may think it is. Men and women always put the blame on the spouse to cover their guilt for what they are doing so they don't feel guilty.
Sounds like you two need to spend more time away from home and perhaps the kids and get to know each other again and rekindle the spark you once had if you want this to work out, you may also seek counseling if you really want this to work out, and if you seriously want it to work out you will have to forgive him and that will be hard to do, but he will have to renew your trust in him as well.
2006-08-17 20:17:18 · answer #1 · answered by judy_derr38565 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Only you know if you're willing to put up with this for the sake of your family.
Remember, though, if he's out having an affair he could bring a disease to you if you have anything to do with him that way. Then there's the issue of this: If you don't have anything to do with him while he's having this affair, are you going to feel safe from disease if and when its over? Are you going to feel sure there won't be another affair?
If he's making it all your fault is he right, or is he just making it all your fault? If he sees it that way, can he ever love you again?
I don't really think the guy who "likes to _____around" makes the best husband. He has had the nerve to tell you he's enjoyed the affair but doesn't want to lose his family? Boo Hoo.
If what you want is to hang onto that husband I guess you have to accept the bad stuff about him, the relationship and whatever other consequences you end up paying. That's your right, but how long are you willing to be made to feel rotten and like it is your fault he has been "driven" to some other woman?
Maybe wait a little while. I suspect any love you have for him may eventually die.
2006-08-18 03:25:43 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do u even ask, u know u are going to stay even if he leaves her or not. Women can be so stupid they will put up with anything. oh because I love him or what about the children. Came on now ladies get a back bone. This is 2006 not the 1800's,when will u start standing up for your self's. That is why guys do with u what they want...and u put up with it .
2006-08-18 05:51:37 · answer #3 · answered by popo dean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having been cheated on I can say that for me I wish I'd kicked him out and been done with it. Instead I kept trying to change him and trust him that he wasn't cheating. I spent 3 years doing that with the pain, worry and insecurity a daily reminder. I say get out now and just deal with the pain and get on with life. Otherwise your children will not know the woman you really are. They'll only know the one who is insecure and miserable in her life until she breaks free of this. Sorry if this sounds harsh, and it may not be right for everyone, but it's truly the advice I would give to my sister if it happened to her.
2006-08-18 03:45:51 · answer #4 · answered by nlh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem with waiting is...he may never get over his crisis. Ask yourself what is the most important to you. If keeping your family unit together means staying with him, your happiness will surely suffer and you will always be hurting. It's up to you. I wish you luck and I'm sorry for your situation.
2006-08-18 03:19:01 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Although it is really important to consider the children you also have to consider how this is affecting your self esteem and dignity. Betrayal is a dagger straight through the heart.
If you leave him...He'll still have to take care of you and the kids too. It's called alimony and child support. He can't have his cake and eat it too.
2006-08-18 03:18:42 · answer #6 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why keep a man who does not make you happy i mean how can he make you happy by seeing other women and not careless how you feel or how it is hurting you....
you can do soo much better then a man who wants to cheat on you all the time...
yeah he might change but why wait he might change then again he might not so what you going to stay unhappy just to keep your family together thats not healthy for you to do that just let him know that your not having it and if he don't change that your leaving...
2006-08-18 03:22:31 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. Rockstar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can see your realy torn about this all choices having thier pros and cons.so i figure youll live with regret of whatever you dicide to do. so what would be worse .what will you be able to live with .or learn to accept in time.id like to think when my son grows up hell understand mom and dad love him but as a couple just wouldnt work.stay or go peaple do both every day.good luck .i know i ts a tough decision
2006-08-18 04:22:14 · answer #8 · answered by the last fartbender 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can't have his cake and eat it to. You know for a fact that he is cheating on you, so it is time for you to get a lawyer and divorce him. You don't know what he is going to bring home to you. He can't live in two worlds at the same time like he is trying to do. He made his choice and now it's time for you to do what you have to do.
2006-08-18 03:17:42 · answer #9 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you weren't so hurt, I would say ignore it let him do his thing and you can do yours. If he doesn't want to lose his family put him to the test. Tell him to stop screwing around or he's out and mean it. Good Luck.
2006-08-18 03:17:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋