My husband and I have been married for over a year now and he STILL has not told his ex-wife and kids about our marriage (kids are 13, 10, & 4 approx). In fact, his kids don't even know that he and his ex are divorced and it has been FOUR YEARS. They live overseas so he doesn't see them that much anyway and I guess it's easy to lie to them. I go crazy anytime that the thought of this crosses my mind and our home becomes a battlefield where I am always the insensitive, pushy one. I was not raised to lie to people, even if the lying is to "protect" someone. I hear excuse after lame excuse and I have to be silent when he talks on the phone to them and I have to deal with it [alone] when he takes "the family" to Chuck E. Cheese's when they visit. I never hid him from my family, my ex, my friends, or my four-year-old daughter. I bit the bullet although it was difficult to tell my ex-husband who still loves me, difficult to tell my parents that I was marrying again, and difficult to explain what a step-dad is. He has said that he will end the marriage before he would tell them. Should I leave? What can be done and what would you do?
2006-08-17 19:35:15 · 14 answers · asked by haneen25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would call either the wife or the oldest child and tell them myself
just say you thought the kids may be interested
2006-08-17 19:53:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He obviously has a lot less respect for you than he does his ex-wife if he would leave you before telling her that he has remarried. If it were me, I would bite my tongue until the next time he's on the phone with them - no use wasting good breath on an idiot who won't see your side - then I would LOUDLY tell him that I'm getting a divorce from him, so the ex-wife hears it loud and clear. He does not give a hoot about you if he has so little respect for you, so you should not extend him any courtesy that he has not shown to you. Leaving you completely out of the picture while he takes his "family" out to dinner is just crap. His ex-wife is just as screwed up as he is if she hasn't told the kids that they have been divorced for the past four years. There is something wrong with both of them. You need to move out and move on with someone who will treat you like a real person.
As an afterthought - are you really sure that he is divorced? It sounds extremely suspect, the way they are both in on this conniving plan to deceive the children. It seems highly implausible that they both would agree to such a bizarre arrangement.
2006-08-17 19:58:28 · answer #2 · answered by Jeannie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are in a bad situation! Nobody should be that protective over an ex marriage and the kids are old enough except the young one to understand! I know that it is hard on kids ( I have 2 step children myself) I guess the dad always wants to protect those kids the most. BUt he is going way to far! And for you to have to go through it alone is another tough battle! I would just ask him to change this or leave. You can find someone who wont hide you and your marriage!
2006-08-17 19:47:30 · answer #3 · answered by Firefly 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In your heart you already know the answer to your question if he wants to live in denial then let him but it sounds to me he's living in the past and I would take that as a threat when he says he will end it before he tells his ex and the kids hes remarried what the hell is wrong with this picture by now there would be no conversation I would talk to an attorney hes leaving you no choice and you deserve better.
2006-08-17 19:51:30 · answer #4 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe, just maybe...she's not an ex. I don't know but it seems strange that there's a hold up on his part. While I could understand not telling his kids, I just don't get why he needs to keep it from her.
If they're divorced there shouldn't be any problems whatsoever. Find out what's really going on. On another note, if they are truly divorced and the only crime here is him not telling his ex and kids, as long as it's not inconveniencing your marriage so much, why leave?
2006-08-17 19:58:39 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
is funny I'm in the same boat expect I not marry to the guy. I hate the silent phone call. to be honest I really can't tell you what to do because I don't know what to do myself but since you are marry to him he respect you that much. Ask him why they still don't know about you guys. What's he telling them that he still with them?? I can't understand my bf when he talk to his so call ex wife cause they speak tagalo I'm not pinoy. Anyway according to some of the text she asking him to let her go. I asks him why he don't just tell her and he respond cause he don't want to lose his son. I don't know what to believe. hmmm sorry wish I can help but I'm taking the lame excuses and lies as well..funny what love can make a person do...There has been a number of time I want to leave but he told me he need me and he love me that he want me in his life...I dunno..he might be telling her the same thing..who's knows
2006-08-17 19:54:00 · answer #6 · answered by Sexy C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to say, but tell him the next time they come to visit you want him to tell them the truth. Are you sure is really divorced.? Have you seen the papers?. There has to be a reason for him not telling them. Tell him , he is a good father etc, but they have a right to know.. Sure they want to know why he is there with you and your daughter. She probly calls him daddy also. ., you cannot tell her not to call him that while they are there. Not right for her either.. Telling them will not make them more distant but help to bring them closer, once they understand.. You should not leave. Tell him , you don't want to end your marriage and the truth is best for everyone. It will make his kids even worse if he don't come clean with them, they will find out some day. you did nothing wrong. . Good luck Pem
2006-08-17 20:04:43 · answer #7 · answered by Patricia M 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
unless his kids live in a cave away from civilization they know what divorce is...if you bit the bullet then he should too. I think if you stop putting up with his crap, he's gonna have plenty of time for the "family" because I can't imagine too many woman that would accept this situation
2006-08-17 20:19:05 · answer #8 · answered by Michael 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well this seems really weird maybe his so called ex wife doesn't know they are not together anymore it is very easy not to mention Fairly common for men to carry on two separate lives especially when one family is over seas I would definitely check it out
good luck
2006-08-17 19:50:37 · answer #9 · answered by SDmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave & file for divorce!
He is probably eating at both tables!
Wise up, do you want to continue feeling like this until the day comes when he leaves you!
2006-08-17 23:46:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋