what would you do if your 17 year old daughter told u she was pregnant by her ex boyfriend that use to beat her and she also quite school?!
I just need some advice?
2006-08-17 19:27:21 · 21 answers · asked by N!cky 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Support her in everyway possible, and let her know that your there for her. Check the ex-boyfriend out, and let his parents know. See if he will be willing to help with the baby, and if not then don't worry about him. lf he doesn't want to be apart of the baby's life then that's his promblem. A baby doesn't need that kind of father, who doesn't care. Do whatever it takes, and don't give up. lm 17 also, and l haven't had sex yet, and l never will till lm married. Nobodies perfect, but she can learn from this, and you can show her what to do, and the right path to take.
2006-08-18 06:37:27 · answer #1 · answered by dreamer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't pretend to be qualified to give advice, but I do know that if my daughter (at 17) said she were pregnant my first response would be to encourage her to terminate it (and that's in spite of a history of not being in favor of abortions for the most part). If she were absolutely against terminating the pregnancy I guess there would be nothing to do but watch her go through it and be there to be back-up when it comes to her caring for the baby.
With the qutting of school: There's nothing much you can do but keep talking and see if she'll get a GED once the baby is born.
If the ex-boyfriend used to beat her but is a thing of the past I don't know if she/you can still press charges; but that's something to consider. I think I would tell her to say she doesn't know who the father is should she have the baby. Yes, that means pretending to be promiscuous; but hospitals see that all the time. That baby would be better off with no father than to have someone like that "out there" and trying to get visitation and maybe even trying to get custody. (Bad behavior on the father's part DOES NOT always guarantee he wouldn't be given custody.!!!!!)
Pray for a miscarriage. I know that's not the nicest thing, but I'd do that as well.
It might be worth considering seeing if there's some school that's a little far away that she could go to once the pregnancy is over (one way or the other). Do, though, keep talking about how she needs to get some kind of education/training. Maybe she just needs some time to "get her brain ready to concentrate" (which maybe she can't do right now).
I know this must be very, very rough for you. I've been close enough to a similiar situation to know how hard it can be. I've seen, though, that once the initial stuff wears away everybody involved can get into a "system" and become a happy family again. If she has the baby you will probably find that is brings you so much happiness regardless of the ill timing.
To me, the biggest thing is to make sure that ex-boyfriend remains out of the picture forever if at all possible.
2006-08-17 19:42:01 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just got to be there for her. Talk to her about what she wants. Maybe she wants an abortion, adoption , or have the baby. You are her mother and you should love her no matter what mistakes she makes. If she wants to have the baby then your daughter, the ex-boyfriend, his parents, and you and your daughter fathers (if he in her life) should all sit down and talk about things. Make plans for the baby. Also bring up the fact that he needs to get help about his lil beating problem. Because all kids need both parents.But a child doesn't need a father who will beat his/her mother or him/her. No matter what she chooses encourage her to go back to school. She needs an education. Also don't be so fast to jump down her thoart about quiting try to talk about it to her. Figure out why she quit. Make sure you tell her that if she has the baby that she will need an education to support the child.If she gets an abortion then you need to have a talk to her about birth control and STDs. Even if she has the baby you still need to have this talk with her. Get her on the patch or pill. As a parent all you can really do is support her and love her. Most parents say they wouldn't support their child if they got pregnant at a young age. Thats a lie you will be happy to be a grandmother. But do not be the mother to the child. That is her job. Make her take care of the baby. Show her how to take of the baby also. Good Luck (Remember to support her no matter what because if you don't you will hurt her and then the cycle of abuse will start)
2006-08-17 20:35:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I can tell that you want to do the right, thing with your daughter. It is very good she has told you that she is pregnant. It is to bad she had to get involved with a boy that beats her. Under no circumstances is he to know anything about the baby. My wife first relationship was with a woman beater and he nearly killed her four different times.
She has either choosen or been corhersed into sex. But right now that is not the problem. How are you going to react to her. If you are as loving as I think you are, you will have a calm and adult discussion with her. You have to talk about what to do for her now. If it is early, she has the right to abort. That is a decission that she has to make. She can decide to keep the baby and raise it, but with her out of school and no job it is twice as hard. If you are willing to help her raise your grandchild and love it without malice toward the baby, that is your choice also. The other choice is to give it up for adoption.
These are hard choices to make on her part and yours. But I will tell you this, if she and you decide to keep this lovely joy of life, and she is willing to work hard, i mean hard than she hs ever thought about, and go back to school or get her GED like many other young ladies have, you will find that this young bundle of joy if loved and raised with love will be one of the great miricles in your life.
I understand it will not be easy and you and her have many hard times ahead of you. Think hard an long about it. She has choosen a harder path but not impossible.
Good luck
2006-08-17 20:36:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thankfully I haven't had to deal with this one yet. But keep in mind she is probably in a crazy state of mind right now and she needs you even if you disapprove of the situation. If you try to force her into abortion, adoption or keeping the baby for that matter there's a big chance you will be pushing her away. I say make her get back into school, she's almost done at 17 there are classes that she can attend to continue her education while she is pregnant and they will allow the baby to come with her after he/she is born. Inform her of her options but don't force her to do one or the other. Best of luck to you.
2006-08-17 19:38:47 · answer #5 · answered by sunspot_whispers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down with her and go over the options she has. The first being abortion, which I don't always agree with but at 17 she would not be "good" mother material for her baby. The second choice would be adoption, this would be the one I would rather her choose. The third would be up to her if she decided to keep the baby. I would explain to her that I will not raise this baby for her nor will I be able to help her financially.
2006-08-18 00:11:34 · answer #6 · answered by goldengirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will be hard for her as a young mother but it would be alot harder being a young mother with a man that beats her be glad he is gone. she will need you more. at 17 she is still a baby herself and will need lots of advice and make sure he stays away the baby can't defined it's self from him. give her a chance she made the best decission by kicking him to the crub
2006-08-17 19:55:36 · answer #7 · answered by THINKER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would talk to her see what she wanted to do about the baby (adopt, or keep i wouldn't let her abort i would want her to have the experience first) and i would support her decision. i would get the father for child support but w/ no visits or supervised visits. and i would encourage her to go back to school even if she was gonna keep the baby i know of teen moms who have done it and its a big a accomplishment... good luck to you and your daughter
2006-08-17 20:45:30 · answer #8 · answered by Tawny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK
First talk to her and tell her that you'll support her in anything. (no abortions please) tell her that you love her and that you'll listen to her and let her tell you. BE CALM Tell her that dropping out of school isn't going to help any but if she has too that's her education and that you hope she'd go back to high school, ask her what she thinks is the best choice. Go to the doctor with her and always be motherly and Calm!!! be open!
2006-08-17 19:41:28 · answer #9 · answered by just love poms(it's a dog) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
handle this gently and dont fly off the handle... i know its a lot but think of all of the things that she will have to do for her baby... and all the things she will have to give up... just be there for her and support her... even if you want to kill her... and especially if her boyfriend used to beat her then she needs someone just to be there for her and not against... and think of all the things she has to go through and all of the decisions she has to make... just love her and be supportive...
2006-08-17 20:47:26 · answer #10 · answered by seths_hot_mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋