what do you think please tell me
with out you i cry
salty bloody tears
fall to my knees
and pick up my broken heart
fallen to the floor in a mess
i'm drawn to a blackend
sky as i turn blue
i want you to know
how it hunts me
but you don't care
as you left me
to fall and die
there are no flowers
know at this time
so now i let you see
a fallen girl
with a broken heart
a broken life
now how frage; di i sound
with a dieing silents
now on my side
now i dont care
2006-08-17 18:43:12 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
wonderful
2006-08-17 18:49:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
the idea is really very good but i feel like the beginning and the ending are quite contradicting to each other....'without u i cry' and 'now i dont care'---tears shld be meaningful and its not even the tears that matter, its just the FEELING that matters, the feeling at the end is totally different from the feeling u had through out the poem...throughout the poem, ure trying to convey how much u miss that person being in ur life and suddenly, u end it by saying u dont care which makes one wonder if the feeling u put in throughout the poem was true...
the poem was awesome all through except for the last line..iam so sorry, iam not trying to criticize ur writing but i just feel that the feeling shld've been the same all the way....
2006-08-17 18:56:06 · answer #2 · answered by teddybear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its excellent, the use of the first person narrative actually brings the reader closer to the poet so that we understand how he or she feels and its filled with so much hurt and anger especially from the line "how it hunts me but you don't care" and i like the use of imagery and the tone is extremely superb
2006-08-20 20:58:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
doesnt appear as if a poem.. lack of assonance, consonance, imagery, oh properly wadevr as long as ur not planning to develop right into a poet... a minimum of this sounds unhappy so i guess you carried out your required result :)
2016-11-05 01:54:16 · answer #4 · answered by mcthay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have generous heart
That poem was Beautiful
and i like your new avatar its cute
2006-08-18 13:39:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a little cliche and a bit too dramatic for my liking.
2006-08-17 18:47:41 · answer #6 · answered by kellywithay23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a bit to Morbid..... and a bit dramatic
2006-08-17 18:55:38 · answer #7 · answered by ImSpoilednLoveit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋