For rap fans only ~ What do you think of my lyrics?

Question

I am trying to get some stage experience so I asked a friend if I could rap at his club. He asked if I rapped "real" raps or Dr. Suess rhymes. Tell me what you think of my lyrics---

I heard he a player
Heard he got game
That a Basketball Jones
Will be his claim to fame.
He got a Wilson Jordan
Got some Nike Air's
Got a cut so close
He must use Nair.
I saw him on the court
Ad he too tough bad
But when it comes to the ladies
He's driving them mad!
It's two points for the dunk one time for the funk.
He put the all in ball and that's no bunk.
He's a player cause he got game.
He's a player. Yeah! He got game.



So that just the beginning of one...but is it cool or is it Dr. Suess?


I submitted this question earlier and got scolded by the "Moral Majority" who hated rap and failed to comment on MY rap!

I am a girl and I wrote it about my ex-boyfriend. His mama told me some girl was flirting with him on the basketball court and THIS is where my imagination went!

Answer 1

its cool depends on who you rapping for it sound like you should sing it in a chorus for a rap.....i like the part when you say cut so close he must use nair now thats sweet....keep it up!!!!next time try writing poetry and then turning that to rap and let me hear and dont let no body on here knock your hustle

Answer 2

This is ok for a beginner, nowhere near great though...It's sort of on the Dr. Suess side of things...

Someone said that you shouldn't compliment the guy in the verse, they were right...If this is supposed to be a dis of any sort, you shouldn't point out the person's strengths to the listener...Only their weaknesses.

If you keep going on, I'm sure you'll improve...As long as you put effort into it and never lose the drive to get better...

Judging soely by this, you're not ready for the club yet...

Peace...

Also, since we're in the business of letting each other know what we think, you should check out some of my music and give me some feedback...You can get the address by clicking my name and reading my little "about me" on here...

Answer 3

Honestly? It's kinda lame honey. It's tight, it rhymes but it lacks something. It's easy to create simple rhymes. You need to think about not only what you want to say but what will grab the audience. Your personal experience might not cut it. Use a bit of poetic liscence sweetie. Most importantly, don't forget, the music drives the lyrics.

Answer 4

It wuz good but u have to diss the guy a little bit more than u did. But i think with da sound it will be tight. Just add more to it, be creative on ur song. But its better than what i can come up with. Keep up the good work!

Answer 5

Kinda Dr.Seuss. I wouldn't concentrate on basketball. Don't compliment a guy in your rap. Wait, are you a guy or a girl? Your avatar is a girl. If so make fun of the guy.

Answer 6

They are great. I have no talent in writing songs, but i won't compare you to me. This is really good start. I bet if you fixed up some stuff here and there it would be really great. cool lyrics.

Answer 7

little bit doctor suess. you defenitly have skillz and you are brave to come on here and ask our opinions. Keep it up you will get better.

Answer 8

I don't kno bout every one else but i love dat rap i was realli into it and erry thing i love the whole thing fo reall

Answer 9

it is hard to tell what is should sound like with out knowing what the beat sounds like and it don't quite sound right u need to change a couple things

Answer 10

Its cool i like it and its a ton better than i could do, definitley not dr. seuss