Is this cruel?

Question

My husband is having heart trouble and was told he is high risk for a stroke. He was told he must quit smoking. He has tried many times before and failed. I want to be supportive, but I know this has to stop. So I took his cigs away and he as to ask permission (which was his idea). But when he wants one I make him recite "I don't care about my health. I dont' care about my daughter's health. I don't care about my family or the future of my family" ( my idea) is this the wrong approach or tough love?

Answer 1

This sounds like a good idea. It's not like you're making him sing 'I'm a little teapot' at the top of his voice, but it's enough to make it so he thinks twice before smoking.

Answer 2

I don't know, really, if (1) you're being cruel for practicing "tough love", or (2) if it is effective in the long run. I smoke and I would love to quit. The longest I've lasted is 6 months, then one crisis or another gave me the excuse to start up again. Funny, you think nothing of the carbon monoxide you suck up daily breathing automobile exhaust. What room would you rather be in for 24 hours -- a closed room with 6 chain-smoking poker players, or that same room with an automobile with the engine running? While one may be unpleasant, the other is fataI. I believe you can live a long life, even with a husband that smokes. Now the heart trouble, while smoking may not exactly help it any, I'm guessing the heart trouble is not because he smokes, but perhaps because his family has a history of heart trouble. My goldfish, by the way, is over 14 years old and he has breathed a lot of secondary smoke. Yeah, like you're going to give me 10 points for this contrarian answer. Sorry. It's a nasty habit, I'll be the first to agree with you on that.

Answer 3

Unfortunately you are caught between the proverbial rock and hard place.

Since he must stop smoking, you need to be tough with him, unfortunately the problem is nicotine is a very powerful physical and psychological addiction.

The problem with your approach is that he may very well end up deflecting his weakness and begin blaming and resenting you and his family for the way he feels. Guilt can be a very powerful weapon but it's a dangerous one as well.

Ultimately, only time will tell if your approach will truly help or not.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't know that it is cruel but it is definitely an agrument waiting to happen. There is no way to make someone quit until they are ready. There are currently some drugs they are prescribing that when used with the patch can help some what. The desire has to be there tho. I would not recommend what you are doing because it is really going to piss him off sooner or later. Ask one of your doctors for help.

Answer 5

Tough love. My dad ended up gett 4 bypass surgeries on his heart. If he doesn't want this, he must stop. They had to take a vain from my dad's leg, and replace it with the vain in his heart, it wasn't working. BAD. Why doesn't he go to a 12 step program? It helps.

Answer 6

Tough love. I hope you NEVER give him permission to smoke.

Answer 7

You are just doing this to protect him, and it is tough love, and I think that is just what he needs.

Answer 8

it is difficult for him to quit smoking.try to minimize the number of sticks he smoke per day and i am sure gradual method will help.

Answer 9

i dont think it is. u get across the point that ur mad that hes smoking and he learns he shouldnt smoke. i think that all works out. i hope he doesnt die though.

Answer 10

tough love (cuz u care)