Is there something wrong with someone who doesn't like the idea of having children?

Question

This person is a 19 yr. old girl that at a young age would talk about wanting twins as all little girls seem to. But when she grew older the thought of having a baby inside of her seemed sick. She doesn't like how so many woman want kids and doesn't understand why they want them. She thinks that these woman who want kids are selfish. Because why bring a kid into the word when you have such little control of what will happen. You are forcing a being into life just so you can have a little friend??

Answer 1

No, there is nothing wrong with someone not wanting children. I congratulate them for having the strength of their convictions. There are certainly enough people around who have had them and then basically proceed to ignore them (this includes both parents with wealth and those without). Children are not an accessory for the home or your life style, they are a responsibility.

Some people certainly have children for the wrong reason, primarily that seems to come down to wanting someone who will love them, but there are other poor ones: trying to save a marriage; trying to force someone to marry them; hoping it will stabilize their chaotic life. However, the vast majority of parents are not being selfish, far from it. Proper parenting takes a great amount of money, time and attention, all of which you could be spending on yourself, but they choose to spend it on rearing children.

Having children is a personal choice. It needs to be considered carefully. Some have their own. Some open their hearts to children available for adoption. Some take in foster children. Not meaning any disrespect to those who choose not to have them, good parents are special people, who've been entrusted with our future. They are raising the next generation.

Answer 2

I read what you wrote...that women who wanted children were selfish. As a mother, I thought about it....in some respects it is probably a little true. I always wanted kids and I adore mine. They do bring me so much love and pleasure. Getting to see that first smile...first step. The hugs and messy little kisses...sometimes chocolately :) little faces. You never know what they will do next.

But along with this tremendous gift comes a lot of responsibility. Whenever you want to go somewhere, you can't just go. You have to consider what is best for the kids, They do make travel much more difficult. I would love to go on a cruise or go somewhere exciting but that is not possible right now with our income. Children are very expensive. Doctor's bills, food, clothing, housing, school expenses,weddings etc.

It is a choice. I chose to give up much of my freedom, money, and sometimes sanity :) to have children. Although there are times I wish for some freedom or the perfect house etc., I would not trade my kids for anything in the world. They are worth everything to me.

You are right that there are many things that I can't control in their lives, But I try to give them tools to be successful and happy in life. I know I am not the perfect mother...I'm not really sure if such a thing exists but I believe my kids know how much I love them and that they can come to me.

Don't think there is something wrong with your friend for not wanting a baby. She is young. She may or may not change her mind. That is ok. She doesn't need to make that decision right now anyway. It is probably good that she doesn't want a baby now anyway! 19 is too young to take on that responibility. Children change your life in many ways.

Btw having a life inside of you is the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Answer 3

I am a 57 year old married woman. I made the decision at 14 that I did not want any children. I have never regretted the decision. My husband felt the same way. If you feel in your heart that children are not for you don't let anyone talk you into having them. Children require an incredible commitment. It is possible to have a full life without them. When I was taking a nursing class that dealt with issues like this, a professor asked the class for reasons why they wanted to have children. There were many reasons given, but the one that sticks out to me was the girl that said she wanted them to take care of her in her old age. The professor stopped everything and said that is the worst reason. The prof talked about the huge job it is raising kids. She talked on and on about the responsibilities. After this class I knew that I had made the right decision. I did not have the patience to raise children. Don't get me wrong, I love children.........as long as they go home with their mother.

Answer 4

There are many reasons people have for not wanting kids and there is nothing wrong with it. Children should be brought into the world by parents who love and want them.

On a personal note I got married at 18 and my husband wanted kids right away. I felt I was too young at the time but over the years I just never really wanted kids even though we were married nearly 10 years. I didn't dislike kids I just wasn't interested in having them. This all changed with my second marriage. After about a year of marriage we both decided we wanted kids. Well he had wanted them from the beginning but I decided that that was what I really wanted too.

I think a lot has to do with where you are in your life and who you are with. Who knows, she may meet the right guy and change her mind. If not respect her decision.

Answer 5

No dear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this, I am 39 , married only once (In year 2000) and I have never really felt the urge to have children of my own, and I refuse to beat myself up about it. My reasons, as well as those of the 19 yr. old , are Very Personal and Very Complex. This is afterall a life-altering decision, not one too be made without serious thought of the consequences and implications for myself and all those directly involved and affected.

Is there ever a "perfect" time to know 'when' is the right time? Probably not, as it does involve a certain faith in the destiny of the universe's plans for you, (which , by the way, is not good for those who like to have supreme control over everything in their lives)

As the saying goes; "Different strokes for different folks"

My own personal saying is "Monkey see......monkey doo", which means that I'm NOT going to do something because I think or see everyone else is doing it . In the end, I must only answer to myself for what is the right choice for me. I do not have the right to judge others by my own personal criteria, and would expect the same in return.

Answer 6

Many people don't want kids, and many have them for no good reasons. I don't have any,and I have no plans to do so. I have several lovers, and they go along with me in this. I know a man who just wanted kids to be like the other guys at work. He spent little time with his wife or son. He should just buy a photo of a woman and a kid or two and show it to his coworkers. My coworkers often sat at coffee breaks and discussed their wives and kids. One of them said to me, "Well, I guess you'll soon join us in having a family." I retorted, "I don't need that %?!!$#/+, guys! All you men do is complain about your wives and kids. I have enough problems without that." Dad once had an almost tape recorded lecture. When I visited, we'd take a drive. When we reached a certain place 1.2 miles from home, he'd always say, "Son, the finest thing a man can do is to get married and... blah,blah,blah." I didn't tell him I had six lovers and couldn't settle for just one.

Answer 7

Wonderful! You know how overpopulated this earth is? Main reason NASA is funded by a Republican administration. So we can establish colonies on moon, Mars, and wherever.

No use brining a child to the world when you are not sure you can provide for them. So many orphans there are in the world.

Women who want children are NOT selfish. They are following the biological imperative, or if you will the Old Testament mandate to "Be fruitful and multiply."

Look, if you don't like it, go join the Air Force and be a baby killer.

Answer 8

Some people weren't meant to have kids. I don't think that everyone should have kids. I don't think that have kids is selfish, actually it is alot of hard work. They are not "little friends"; if you are lucky when they are older they will think of you as a friend and parent. As for little control of what will happen, that is life in general. Unfortunately living life means taking risks and chances, because nothing is ever for sure.

Answer 9

Actually I think you are very wise to not make a decision of bringing another life into this world when you already know that you don't want it. The responsibility of having a child is BIG. The overpopulation of this Earth is a growing concern that I think more people should take into consideration when having kids because it's normal.

Answer 10

I have a brother who had a visectomy at a young age because he didn't want to bring a kid into the world and "take a chance on them having a childhood as screwed up as his was."
Meaning, our parents were drunks and the old man was violent as hell. Beat us with a belt alot. Mom sobered up and left him and he died drinking pretty young. Two of my siblings liked to blame most of their problems on them. I did not think that was right for most of my life but now that I'm older, I see where I was influenced in some negative ways. I still prefer not to hold a grudge and do the best I can with what I have. I'm fortunate to have two sons who mean the world to me and my brother has commented that he often wishes he'd had kids after all. My sister lives with terrible guilt feelings over the way she treated Mom, who passed away from cancer two years ago. So, that's part of my story and experience. I had my share of substance abuse problems starting at a very early age and fighting it off and on my whole life. I broke the cycle of violence though, other than "spankings" occaisionally 'til they were about 10 and 6 and felt myself losing control one time and stopped altogether. After that all it took was "the look" and they usually came around. We're all cool now. Divorced, but even cool with her. What a life!!