i am married and need help honest answers please?

Question

i am married and me and my husband have been fighting , he is always mad and he shows alot of anger around our 4 kids he gos to the store for a drink or something and don't come back for like 4 hours he is gone all the time all hours of the night, he says he stays gone because i ask him if on his day off he would help me clean, so any way i thought we needed some time apart and i went to my moms for awhile and now he don't want me back he don't want nothing to do with me or his kids , i told him his kids need a father in there life and he said well go find them one. should i do anything i can to get him back or should i say to hell with him? please help me

Answer 1

WOW! Your marriage is in crisis mode. First of all you two need to sit down when he's sober and decide whether or not this marriage is going to move forward or not. If it is going to continue, you guys need counseling immediately. Check with your local church to see if they have an established counseling program (not a half hour sit down with a priest or pastor). Dedicated counseling professionals are required in your situation.

Answer 2

It sounds as if a separation would be the best thing for you and your children. I know you may be apprehensive to set out on your own but do you want your children to think that explosive anger is acceptable? You need to make your way without your husband since it seems he is only bringing you down. And, please don't beg him to come back...yes the kids need a father but he is not being the father they need right now.
Take some time away and do not attempt to contact him. You'll see he will start contacting you. BUT....once he does, I would insist he join Alchoholics Anonymous, and start counseling before you live in the same house with him. The abusiveness needs to stop for your and the children's sake. Do you have a daughter? A son? Would you like your daughter to be with an absentee alcoholic husband? Would you like your son to be just like his dad?
I grew up in an abusive home and it's taken me years to realize the patterns I have repeated but are now stopping. Please know that you are worthy of a caring, respectful relationship and your children deserve a peaceful, safe, and loving home.
I know it will be difficult but stay strong!

Answer 3

Say the hell with him.. realize he is not a good man, nor a good father, and that although he is "blood related" that doesnt mean they are the right person for the job.. anyone can be a father takes a special man to be a daddy.. and if he can easily cast them aside like that then he doesnt deserve to be their dad, and forcing the issue only hurts ur children worse because he'll more then likely never be the father u want him to be or the father they need him to be, and the pain of that will last along time if not a life time (Fact from my own expirence) Dont cry over someone that isnt worth crying over, he wants out let him go.. u and ur kids deserve better and theres alot better out there.. they need a good male role model and from the sounds of it, their father isnt it.. Go after him for all that u can legally get from him , then just let him fade away, if he wants to be a part of their life, Great.. but if not, dont force the issue, only causes alot of pain and grief in the long run for ur kids, much easier if they just go through the pain and learn to deal and get over it, if he doesnt want to be there, instead of prolonging the pain for years in hopes he will change his immature ways.. There are plenty of men out there, that will be a good husband to u and a good father figure to your kids, u just have to have faith and be very picky of who u bring around ur kids.. but it can happen.. my now husband is a great father to my 3 children by my x .. he's been a better dad to them in the last 3 years then their father has in the last 10 .. my youngest can care less if he see's his father again.. but my oldest still longs for his dad to step up to the plate, and because i basically forced my x to be a dad when he didnt want to be, he only is one when its convient for him and ive made up a million excuses for him in hopes he would change as he got older, 10 years later and in the last 6 years he's only seen his kids 3 times even though i let him see them any time he wants and i alwayd put out all the effort to make it possible for him to see them , and they are lucky if he calls once every 3 to 6 months.. So if he's that cold of a man to turn his back on his children then let him go.. that way ur children can hurt, yet heal.. and go on with their lives instead of constantly wishing their dad will be what they want him to be.. something he's more then likely incapable of ever being...

Answer 4

I hate when things like this happen, you didn`t if you work or not, but if you do, then he should help with the house work, but if your home all day why can`t you have the house work done, I watch kids for a living right now, and I do my own house cleaning, you didn`t mention the ages of the kids either, maybe they are old enough to help with cleaning, but if he is working to pay the bills, and he is the only one working outside the home, maybe he has a right to be mad. I don`t believe in divorce, but there are times when the choice isn`t yours, and it looks like the balls in his court now. sorry I couldn`t be more help.

Answer 5

You already know the answer I think. Stay as far away from him as you can. See if you can get child support and find someone who will treat you and your children with respect. I have a sister whose husband is an alcoholic and it's not pretty. You deserve better. Good luck.

Answer 6

Don't ever try to make a man be a father that doesn't want to. you are cheating your children because by his words his heart would never be in it for them. If you got him back and he played dad it would only be for his selfish reasons. You can tell the kind of person he is by his words as mean as they are they are honest listen to him clearly he doesn't want to be their dad! don't set them and yourself up for heartache if you get him you won't keep him because he doesn't want to be there u deserve so much better your kids to make him eat his words go out and find a better man! you will never give yourself or your kids a chance at happiness tied to this loser! Please do it for them Godbless you and them. ps i think he is cheating let him have his whore he don't deserve you.

Answer 7

Say to hell with him. He's a lousy husband and he's a lousy father. Be glad your rid of him. I would file for divorce. You need to focus on taking care of your children and yourself. You will be better off without this pitiful excuse of a man in your life. God Bless You.

Answer 8

marriage is suppose to be a lifetime commitment. YOu shouldn't walk away unless all avenues has been tried. I honestly think that both of you are at fault, and both of you need to find some kind of counseling either separately or together or both. I think both of you feel that your space has been invaded, and it's hard. believe me i know. But in a marriage, one of you has to play stupid to bring peace in the house. If both of you play hard, no one is gonna win. So b4 you walk out, both of you should get help. take care.

Answer 9

You need to start to consider your children. You don't want them to have issues like mental statement of minds do you. It sounds like you are emotionally, mentally abused ! Hopefully not physically. You need to get out of this situation now. Best of luck to you . Now go hug these kids for me !

Answer 10

I would say the second option, to hell with him...Obviously he doesn't want anything to do wit you... But what if very bad is that he doesn't want to do anything with the kids.. this man is a complete jerk