I am home for the summer and I just got back from my boyfriend's house. He said I could stay over whenever I wanted, but I know my parents wouldn't approve, but whenever I come home they are arguing anyways. How can I let them know that I don't feel welcome into their home when whenever I come home they are always fighting? I have tried to tell them before, but they say that their fighting isn't that bad or that they don't fight that much. It makes me want to run right back in the direction I came from, to my boyfriend. It really stresses me out and bother me when they are fighting, what can I say or do to let my parents know that this is really affecting me?
2006-08-17 16:59:01 · 47 answers · asked by cutie pie 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've gotten so many answers you will maybe miss this one. Any way: Yes. Been there! My parents loved each other, but it appeared that the only way they showed it was by argueing! They weren't happy unless they argued. That is their thing, do your own. If they feel like expressing their "love" for each other, be glad that you can get away and go do something else! No one ever has the perfect home life/childhood, you're able to drive and just let'em have at it. If you think it's dangerous for either one then leave...but be sure to call police abt. danger. If you do that they'll probably both be really mad at you & maybe disown you// at best It will It grab their attention!!! They may go through a time when "you" do not exist. Sounds like they've already done that; however it might make them slow down enough to realize there's a broken heart of their own creation that needs loving, not yelling. I would'nt hold my breath. They are so involved in each other It would appear that you are not there: funny thing , if you complain their next arguement is going to be about you. Do yourself the biggest favor you can, find out the best things about yourself, LITERALLY write down the things you/others like about you! When you feel bad read the list of good things about you and don't feel like you're exagerating/ you care abt parent's you're a nice person . Keep true to the values you hold dear you'll come out on top! I think you're a very caring sensitive person. GOOD LUCK
2006-08-25 04:38:23 · answer #1 · answered by diane b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure how old you are, because it will depend on the answer that I give.
However I am leaving a relationship for the sake of the kids and reading how you feel really hits home, however my kids are three years and seven months big difference.
I think that if you do not feel safe and secure being in that house that you should make other arrangements with your boyfriend, Do you live with your boyfriend, or on your own?
sometime in the morning maybe you should have a sit down with your parents and have a serious talk, make sure the you let them know where you stand. They shouldn't be fighting like that where you can hear every word they are saying, nor anything else for that matter if you are in your room.
good luck
I know what you are going threw, I went threw it from birth till I was like ten years old and then they divorced and I didn't have to deal with the fighting.
It was pleasent not being woken up in the middle of the night crying wishing they would just stop. If not for themselves for their children.
And these days I find myself trying to break away from doing the same thing to my children.
2006-08-23 14:37:21 · answer #2 · answered by Not a Daddys Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're in college so it's time to start making some moves. Find other outlets to make them notice that your uncomfortable. Next break, don't come home go with another friend or stay at school to work. If you walk in the house and they're arguing go right back outside and slam the door. Even if you just sit on the front porch, you wouldn't be inside. Give them the silent treatment, they ask you a question respond with as few words as possible. Eventually this will drive them crazy and when they ask you what's going on just let them know when you're there it's uneasy for you due to all the disagreements in the air, that way that can't tap out with the same lame responses that they've been giving you. To be seen and not heard is more effective than people know. Next holiday is Labor day, start making plans.
2006-08-17 17:17:15 · answer #3 · answered by ksfinney17 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there and done a similar thing with my parents except I still live at home. One piece of advice don't do what I did .. If at all possible stay out of their arguements and most definetly do not choose sides .. if you do if will make your life hell. I did the same thing and ran in the direction of my boyfriend but it doesn't solve the issue at hand because at the end of the day your parents are still argueing. Could always go the angle I went and tell them they might as well get a divorce .. but that as well is not a good idea. All I can say is try and tolerate it because no one can live without their family and if its that bad tell them to go to marriage councelling or simply sit down and talk to them or write them a letter expressing your feelings.
2006-08-17 17:14:13 · answer #4 · answered by Tamarra 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, you need to sit both of your parents down, and just tell them everything that is bothing you, and why you feel un welcomed in their home. And let them know that they need to grow up and quit fighting, and tell them if they don't get a handle on it, that you would just prefer not to be home.
My parents, like yours, fight all the time. It gets on my nerves soo bad. But my cousin, and my brother, are usually all together, and we kind of just laugh it off. But if you are an only child, than it may be harder for you. I actuall approch my parents when they are fighting, and tell them to just shut up, and that I am trying to sleep. Or I pack a bag, and leave for a while, and tell them when they want to act mature, give me a call. It really works, they don't fight nearly as often as they used to. Im sure you can find a friend to go to, or maybe a relative until your parents cool it down. Maybe suggest marriage counseling to them. Good Luck, and I hope things soon get better for you!!
2006-08-17 17:12:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting out is not a bad idea. But don't run straight to your boyfriend. That could create another kind of mess for you in the future. Is there a help center nearby or a group home. I lived in one and my life is what it is today because i was allowed to grow away from troubles. I am so sorry that they do now realise how much they are hurting you. And thank you for posting this question because you have made me think about how i act around my own children and I will be much better because of you. You deserve a good life,I just don't think running to a man for shelter and comfort would be best for you.You need your own time and space to grow and to figure out the future. There are many agencies out there able to help.
2006-08-24 08:12:14 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, are you sure that's why you want to go back to your boyfriends? Some times when we want to do some thing (spend time with the boyfriend) we tend to look for reasons to justify are actions. If this is not the case, then try to stay out of your parents business and let them work it out. This is some thing that can only be handled by your parents. If violence is involved then step in and call for help etc. But if not , let your parents work it out.
Good luck
2006-08-24 20:57:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go in the room and tell them to "Shut the h*** up, that they are giving you a headache with this arguing". Remind them that they are adults and they should be able to disagree without screaming and yelling like two year olds and if they are having trouble communicating maybe they should go get some help with that, but "Shut the h*** up!" Make sure YOU are yelling this when you say it, because they are going actually wonder why it is you are yelling and they are going to look at you like you lost your mind, and when the shock wears off they will actually think about what you said. Oh, make sure you leave right after you say it.
2006-08-24 14:04:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that it's affecting you and there's no doubt in that, but you also have to come into reality. If you're parents have always fought and it hasn't changed since then it's not going to change. I know it's not fair. If you're not living with you're parents and you come to visit, they are proud to see you. Trust me that I know. I'm 23 years old. I'm married. Ever since I know my parents have always fought. Every time we get a weekend to visit there are still times that I hear them fighting. And how embarrasing is that for my husband to hear. So don't let your boyfriend be an escuse for staying with him. Turn on the radio or do something to get your mind off for a while. Maybe the next day you can talk to both of your parents, but seperately so you know they are listening. It worked out for my friends parents, maybe you'll luck with yours.
2006-08-24 07:45:26 · answer #9 · answered by shy_gal2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are grown now and you should be able to tell your parents what it is that is bothering you, if you can't then write them a letter to let them know how the arguing affects you, even though you are all grown up now. If they can't respect that and continue to argue then next year make different living arrangements. Let them know that your boyfriend has already opened the doors for you and if they don't like that idea hopefully they'll make a conscious effort to change.
2006-08-24 06:42:26 · answer #10 · answered by LaToya L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋