My husband hit me...?

Question

my husband hits me and is aggresive when he gets mad. today my puppy pooped and started to eat some of it when he told me that I was a stupid idiot for not watching him. I told him to leave the house because I had enough and we got into it. he then went and shook my puppy's kennel with him in it and started agrresively swating and triing to hit the kennel, that is when I told him he better leave the house he said no that i should leave and we started yelling at eachother. When he could not take it anymore he threw a plastic container that hit my arm and welted and bruised it, he then started looking for other things to throw at me I could not try to stop him. I went into the bathroom and he went outside to smoke, I locked him out of the house and called his mom, she says that he is wrong and that we should get therapy... but Ive had enough. I do not have the power to get up and leave since we have everything together; we are buying my dads house, he wants me to go instead of him. help

Answer 1

Take a picture of the bruise/welt on your arm. Make a police report and press charges. Get a restraining order. Immediately file for divorce. The abuse will expedite things. He sounds dangerous and you shouldn't stay because you're worried about losing everything. With a police report and a restraining order, a divorce will benefit you. Abusers don't tend to do so well in the division of property. I say that you should go for a divorce b/c therapy doesn't usually work on abusers b/c a person has to want to change in order for therapy to have any impact and he hasn't acknowledged that abusing you and an innocent puppy is wrong, so he's not going to think he has anything to change. I was a counselor for battered women and children and I can't remember a single abusive husband who managed to reform. The few guys who said they'd change and went to therapy voluntarily always went back to their old ways, usually within 3-6 months after getting their wives back. Cut your losses and stay safe. Good luck!

Answer 2

Domestic abuse can be looked at metaphorically in this way....please excuse the barnyard humor but it is a good metaphor...if you have a dog that eats chickens, it will never quit until something tragic happens. I am a man and I know how these types behave, I deal with them on a day to day basis. A man that abuses a woman is first off, not a real man. It is a power factor to him. He has control over you and it makes him feel superior, the more control and chance to use discipline, the better he feels. He may tell you that he is sorry and he loves you, but a real man that loves his wife would NEVER hurt them in this way. Sure I have hurt my wife through emotional channels, such as forgetting an anniversary, birthday, etc., but never have I hurt her physically or have been emotionally and mentally abusive. For the most part, counseling does not help because the need is not satisfied for him. His control has been stripped away and eventually the need becomes too great and the abuse starts again. If you want out, then there is legal protection for you if you choose to seek it, i.e. protective and restraining orders and criminal charges. Think of it this way, I see people sent to prison all the time for cruelty to animals. Why should you feel less that this. It should be a more penalized offense for hurting your spouse. It's easier said that done, but gather all of your will and rise up. Enlist the help of your parents if they are willing. I'm sure they don't like seeing their daughter in pain. You have to help yourself before you will ever be able to help anyone else, and if you have kids together, all the more reason to take care of yourself and not let them see the abuse. Most abusers started off as children of abusers, they mimic the behavior they grow up around. Life is too short to be unhappy, you deserve to be happy. God Bless.

Answer 3

Help? I don't understand, what are you asking for help with? It's pretty clear you already know what you need to do- You need to leave. Clearly, he's not going to, so if you respect yourself and are not going to put up with it, then the logical thing would be to leave. You have everything together, I understand, but you're not safe with him. Therapy will do nothing- I guarantee it. He may be nicer to you at first, but he'll return to the exact same habits before long. Go stay with a relative- If your story is true, and you have a welt and a bruise, they'll believe you and be happy to share their home. Don't tell me you don't have the power to leave, because that's a blatant lie. You have the power to do whatever you want, and if you choose to stay in this relationship, it's your concious choice, and I have no sympathy for you. You may be one of those women who remains in denial about the situation and believes that he's going to change, but the facts are that he's not.

Answer 4

Naomi, it's time to get professional help like counseling. If he refuses, then you need to file a restraining order to keep him away from the house and get a divorce. A man that hits a woman and takes out his anger on an innocent little puppy has a serious problem. If you don't get out, you can end up seriously hurt. Talk to your dad and tell him what is going on and try to work it out with your dad so you can stay in the house but without your husband. Get out before it is too late.This is from someone who has been through the same thing. Listen to me--get help and get out of that marriage or get professional counseling now....

Answer 5

No one and I repeat - NO ONE should ever be treated the way he has treated you. You must get help somehow. It sounds like there may be relatives around who could help you through this, but the man should not be allowed back into the house until he has had therapy for his aggressive behavior. You will also need therapy for your enabling behavior. You have allowed him to get away with this for some reason, and you need to understand how to handle this in the future. Right now he needs to stay out. Let him go home to his mom. Make sure you are safe. Ask someone to stay with you if you think you need the support.

Answer 6

Leave him. Now. And take the puppy with you.

You don't deserve to be treated that way, and the puppy sure as hell doesn't deserve to be treated that way.

You do have the power to get up and leave. You just have to decide whether the physical possessions you have together are more important to you than being hit, yelled at, and having things thrown at you. You have to decide whether the physicall possessions you have together are more important than your puppy being abused (shaking the kennel is abuse).

If the physical possessions you have together are more important to you than your self-worth, please find a new home for the puppy before your husband injures or kills it.

You can leave on your own. The puppy can't - it relies on you for protection.

Answer 7

Take it from me-been there done that.

He has absolutely no regard for your property, your things, or you.
Forget buying anything with him.

If you have family, go live with them and dump this loser. It will only get worse, and you may be leaving him only when you're six feet under.

You do not need this kind of problem in your life. You have a bad self-esteem and you need to leave him in order to get a good one.
Get out now before it's too late. I was pushed, slapped, shoved, threatened, and beat up. Finally, the last straw was when he tried to kill me twice. I

Needless to say, I learned my lesson and found someone who is great and treats me wonderfully. You can find the same thing, too.

Answer 8

There should be a hotline in your area..CALL IT NOW!! Check for Women Against Abuse. They can help you get shelter. Call the cops! It's the law if you have visible marks, they must keep the abuser in custody for 24 hours.
He is a controller. He is controlling you by guilting you in to thinking you need him b/c of the house situation. You need peace of mind-happiness! You do not deserve this. I have been in abusive relationships, and did resort to calling for help, and calling 911, as well as filing a protection order. Your husband needs help. Don't worry about what the family says. Call the hotline, find at least one family member or friend who can go with you when you get help, and if you don't have that, don't worry. You were strong enopugh to ask for help on here, so you're strong enough to get help yourself.
Good luck..remember..the most important person in your relationship is you.

Answer 9

It's not his choice at this point for "u to go" all state womens groups would help you get restraining order free and he would be forced to leave and not return or come within 100 feet of you. So you have time to do what you need to do to move on without him. but please don't go back after a restraining order he'll only get worst because he got away with it and u will look like a fool to the authorities. So be sure and d it even though it's hard. I know because i had to but i don't regret it now this guy sounds like a loser Godbless you.

Answer 10

You have will power to get up and go you need to go because you don't then he is gonna continue on hitting you and he is going to think yea i got you where i want you now!! Hey then again you can throw all his **** out on the lawn he can get his **** go some place else and then he wont bother you no more if he do call the law or have some tough guys whoop his *** he will then be like okay i am gonna leave you a lone !!!!