Do You Think I Can Get Him To Ever Forgive Me...?

Question

We were together since I was 16 and he was 21, for two and a half years, but no one knew. Then one day he decided to tell everyone he was gay. Seeing my family and our group of friends reaction I panicked and started to ignore him, he got the hint and left me alone, in fact he even left this town... Now I am 23 and still no one knows I am gay...

The other day I met him again, he was getting picked on by our old friends, who I stopped talking to last year. I helped him out, then we each went our own way. He is still in town now...

I still love him with all my heart. He mentioned that he has not been with anyone in 4 years, so he is not taken... So I think I might have a chance... But I am not sure...

Should I just leave him alone? Should I try to patch up what I messed up? I do not know what to do, or how to do it!

Answer 1

If you love him then yes I think you should try to patch it up. You will regret it if you don't..

Answer 2

I would have panicked too if I were you, being inexperienced and all so I see it as something totally understandable.
No one should " come out" (of their closet) until they are ready to. There might not be a day when you'd be ready, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't or won't find someone who loves you the way you are, whether you are "out" or not.
All that said, I think that you should approach him and express how you (still) feel. If his answer is No, do accept the NOW and move on. At least give yourself a pat on the back that you were brave enough to try patch things back.
:) Good Luck.

Answer 3

Is there a possibility that this "could" happen again? I mean; are you out yet?
Is he "geographically" close enough to substantiate dating again? If he lives several hundred miles away, then I'd say things would certainly be a LOT tougher!
Have you approached him and "point-blanked" him on your feelings? Did he / has he mentioned anything on how you broke it off the first time? I guess is what I'm gettin' at can all be summed-up into one word: communication! Talk to him :)
Wouldn't it be nice to have a "real" crystal ball to help us in lifes little problems? Well my friend, this "is" (believe it or not) a good problem to have! You'll make the right choice, follow your heart, think things through and execute an action plan. Oh yeah, did I mention: communication?
Best of Luck!
Cheers, Drew

Answer 4

For the sake of all divine powers -- what is wrong with people? What the **** is this angst everyone has. I never had angst like this is my life.

Yes, yes, yes. Go AT ONCE before he leaves. Apologize for your incredibly boorish behavior and insensitivity -- and tell him you haven't been with anyone either and still love him. Maybe he will take you back -- although I must tell you -- I wouldn't, and I'm one of (this will sound terribly arrogant) the most forgiving people that any of my friends know.

Furthermore, whether he does or not, grow a backbone. Go to your bigoted, hateful family and tell them you are gay. If they don't like it -- LEAVE. You are old enough to make it on your own, and you will end up happier.

I'm sorry to scream but by the blood of St. Bartholomew -- what were you thinking?????

Regards,

Reynolds Jones
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 5

If you really love some one, then nothing else should matter! It is obvious he still loves you so, that the bull by the horns as it were.
Ask your self one question. Are you happy, truely happy without him? If the answer is NO, then you know what you have to do. And another thing. You are not being true to who you really are by denying him. You are hiding from yourself. It can be a very liberating feeling to stand up and say I am in love with him and if you don't like it tough! This is ME deal with it! Follow your heart!

In short, do you want him? Well go get him! Follow your heart! The 2 of you are who are important! So do what you feel you need to do!

In light and love
Namatse'

Answer 6

THEN you were 16. NOW you're 23, dude. You're not a kid any more. It's so obvious you still care about him. Sounds like he's very understanding. Seriously dude ... think about coming out.

Come out, come out, wherever you are. Stop running from the truth, and from the fear.

You're honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Do that FOR YOURSELF, as well as them.

Yeh, you might lose some friends. But it's SOOOO liberating. No more running, no more hiding, no more pretending. Those days are over with. Face the SOBs and say NO MORE>

Answer 7

First, I think you should quit feeling guilty for not coming out when he did. It was his choice to come out when he did and you will have to if and when the time is right for you. I think he was the one putting you on the spot, especially as he was 5 years older at the time you were only 16. He could have been arrested had people known about your relationship as you were under age.

Now, if you have feelings for him, the only way to know if you both share the feelings you had before is to contact him and find out. You did not mess anything up. Just be honest and safe. Make sure he is still healthy from the 4 years apart. Good Luck

Answer 8

you couldent ave been ecpected to com out when you wasnt ready
you should talk to him and say that you are sorry for ignoringing him
let him no that you are still in love and that you think it would be worth a nother go
you will regreat it if you don
if he has not been with any one then he probly still loves you
DO NOT LET HIM LEAVE TOWN other wse there is no noing when you will see him again and by then if will be too late

give it a try
and if it dont work then you know you tryed and can get on with it
if it does then well done and good luck*

Answer 9

I think he wants to get back with you and just waiting for you to make the first move. He probably already forgave you because he knows it isn't easy to come out especially if you're young and living in a town where most people still make sexual orientation a big deal. He'll understand better than anyone why you did what you did. You were young and not quite ready to take the step he took.

Go to him.

Answer 10

Don't listen to all these bible thumpers on here...they're sent here by Satan to frighten you into thinking that God hates you...

anyway...on to the question...you were 16, a kid, confused, and can't really be held accountable for your actions...the important thing is that you NOW realize that you made a mistake and have the opportunity to do something about it. Even if you don't ever date this guy again...he at least deserves an apology...let him know that you sincerely cared for him but you just didn't know what to do. Re-establish your friendship with him and see where it goes...take it slow...no need to rush into a relationship...you're still young...but...if you're meant to be together...than you will be!....Good Luck!!

Answer 11

Hi Adrian,
Coming out is a very personal choice, and it is not nearly as important as everyone seems to think that it is. If you never come out, who cares? Why do you think that it's necessary for you to shout to the world that you want to have sex with men?
Now for the ex, I agree with Laura, he probably mentioned that he was still single to give you the clue that he's still interested in you... IN gay slang this is called dropping bobby pins... don't ask me why, I didn't make it up.... But what I would do in your situation, would be to ask him out to dinner, someplace romantic, and spill your beans to him. Tell him how much that you admire him for coming out, but it was not the right thing for you. Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong, it just wasn't the right time for you. Tell him that you really miss him in all ways possible, and that you are vey much interested in picking up where you left off. If you drink, have some champagne with your dinner... tell him that you are celebrating... when he asks why, you tell him the first day of the rest of your lives together. By this time he should be putty in your hands. After you are finished, be sure that you pay for the dinner, and tip, and go for a little walk before getting in the car. Hopefully you can walk someplace semi-private. Kiss him in the moonlight. Tell him that you want to spend the rest of your days with him, sweep him off his feet. I know all of this sounds corny, but it will go along way in showing that you really want him back, and you've kept control of the evening.
Now to recap... you've complimented his decision to come out, you have not apologized for you not coming out, you've let him know what you want and where you stand, given him a plan for the future, and set the stage for an evening of mad passionate love-making. And if he turns you down, remember that you haven't lost anything because you didn't have him at the beginning of the evening, but you've given him the chance to make all of his dreams come true with you.... Good Luck and have fun....,..