It is an odd way to ask, but I heard it said once and it sems to fit. I had to take long leave and wanted my partner Gwen to come with me. She could not get her leave at the same time, so we planned my trip. She asked me to bring back nice photos as she was feeling "a bit tired". When I returned I found that she had died with a virulent cancer. Given her hateful family's treatment of her, even after death, I became ill and needed treatmant for a mental disorder. That was some time ago but I still have times when I think of the comfort I might have given. Will this "Last Forever"?
Rose P.
2006-08-17 15:57:51 · 12 answers · asked by rose p 7 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It shouldn't last forever and how long this guilt stays with you is actually up to you. Guilt is a condition we impose upon ourselves due to regret. Your guilt is that here you were on a trip enjoying yourself while your partner was dying and now you've imposed this guilt on yourself. I'm sure had you known that she had cancer you would have stayed with her. Perhaps you think she must think awful of you-but be assured she doesn't. Had she wanted you not to go on your leave trip then she would have told you,asked you to stay .Think instead that perhaps you were blessed(if she already knew) by having this wonderful,selfless person as your partner and were loved by her. If she didn't know herself then how could you know-you did not abandon her for think perhaps that's what you think and why you feel guilty. I see no cause for guilt. Did you treat her well when you were together,were you loving when you were together-then that's all that matters. Perhaps you were her refuge from the discord with her family. And also think of her as being home-for she's in a very loving and safe place-read some books by people who have had near death experiences. Even if you feel somehow that you failed at the end-forgive yourself and not really her end but a wonderful beginning for all of her eternity and all of her hurts are gone from her. Give yourself a hug for I know were she able she'd reach for you and hold you and tell you to love yourself-again. I feel for you. With my spirit I reach and hold you and will ask God to send the strength and comfort of the Holy Spirit to lighten your spirit so you can live in love again.
2006-08-17 16:25:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guilt should be reserved only for the guilty. What I mean is this; if you have done something intentionallly to hurt someone or abuse their trust, then, yes, guilt may be warranted. I don't see that in this case.
From what I can glean from this letter, you were a great friend to Gwen, and she to you. Cherish the memories you've shared with the realization that nothing that happened to her is your fault, and she would NEVER want you to wallow in such a deep pit of guilt and despair.
No, guilt doesn't have to last forever. Look at the good, remember the great and and go out there and try to create it all again with someone else. You obviously have a lot of love to give.
2006-08-17 16:32:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
To go on a guilt trip, you need to buy a ticket--it sounds like you sold it to yourself and bought it. You somehow think (unconsciously) that you should have known Gwen was gravely ill and that knowledge should have alerted you to stay home. Of course you couldn't know that and you simply went where you had to go. You may also be confusing your grief with guilt--be clear what you feel. Challenge guilt feelings because there's no rational reason to feel guilty. If you do this, you will be guiltless but still grieving as any person would.
I wish you well and my sincere sympathy is with you.
Rob
2006-08-17 16:07:51 · answer #3 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life happens and so does death.This has happened to me and the pain was so great,almost like actual shock trauma ,that I elected to simply not react.I went to the funeral and did not cry.Why because I could feel my dear friend Tony standing next to me and whispering it's OK,I am at peace.Don't morn me,get busy and make the most of the life you have while here.And that is what I am doing.I do not wallow in the guilt.God Bless and get busy LIVING!!!
2006-08-17 16:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to forgive your self. Obviously you and your friend cared deeply for one another, and she had a great time helping you plan your trip, and she was excited for you and wanted to see pictures upon your return.
You need to forgive yourself. You didn't know what was going to happen, you are not a mind reader or a future reader.
You can forgive your self, and you should.
Be happy. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Good luck in finding your inner peace again.
2006-08-17 16:03:58 · answer #5 · answered by Night Train 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My kin became into precisely a similar the two father and mom alcoholics and one nevertheless is, I cut back all ties on the age of 13 and stayed on the streets with associates etc... My life replaced at sixteen as quickly as I met my husband and even have our third newborn on the way and function been married for almost 10 years. On my kin component I on no account see my father as a results of fact he continues to be an alcoholic and that i'm afraid for my little ones. My sister and brother went themselves off in the international and have not bothered with me as a results of fact the day I left and that i communicate with my mom on occasion on the telephone. i'm hoping I helped fairly. stay satisfied. it is amazingly no longer common on the commencing up i'm no longer likely to lie, yet as time is going on you sense diverse, would you opt for to maintain on watching your father and mom slip extra faraway from you? NO then bypass away and stay a satisfied life they'll touch you in the event that they desire you yet be warned do no longer below any circumstances enable them to be on my own with your infants or do no longer lend them money ever.
2016-10-02 05:39:38 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"As many as are involved in misery of their own choosing, such as you, for them there is no forgiveness nor pity."
It is a shame that people can so readily forgive others but are unable to forgive themselves. Guilt only last until it is forgiven.
2006-08-17 16:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by JReb_67 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love is a funny feeling. Maybe she already knew and wanted to spare you the suffering.
2006-08-17 16:09:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
:(
I sure hope not. Sometimes it seems like it will. Maybe it lasts forever but you think about it less?
2006-08-17 16:02:38 · answer #9 · answered by flour 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
guilt is no gift of mine, but it lasts forever
2006-08-17 16:01:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋