If you were raped when you were 13, should that count when you tell someone how many people you have been wit?

Question

My husband thinks I lied to him because when I told him how many people I had been with, I didn't tell him about being raped.

Answer 1

WHAT? I think not. I have to say that falls under the "unwanted sexual attention" category. I mean does it count when you are forced to do something you don't want? Yes, it is part of your gynecological sexual history but it NOT EVER a part of your romantic sexual history. He is making this about his need to know and not about your feelings of shame, anger, hurt, and humiliation that you suffered. Would he still say that if it was his mom or his little sister or his daughter? He needs to get over himself. I think that is an excuse but he will have to understand. most Guys are funny, since they have no concept of what rape is: IT IS NOT ABOUT sex it's AN ACT OF VIOLENCE.

Answer 2

In my opinion, having been raped is not necessarily a future husband's business EXCEPT that if you are going to tell him, ever, then tell him before you are married.

There are only three reasons you would need to tell a future husband you had been raped.

1. If the rape affected your life so you are taking issues into the marriage that could affect your marriage, he should know about those issues, just as women might want to know a man is divorced and is paying child support. If you wake up screaming every night with nightmares, that would be something he needs to know. If you spend 30 hours a week at the Rape Crisis Center, that is also something that affects a husband.

2. If you got a disease such as herpes that could come back and thus affect him.

3. the rape gave you a child.

Otherwise, I don't necessarily believe you need to tell him. But, if you are going to, do it before the marriage. If he's a jerk about it, you dump him then -- or he dumps you. Either way, you are free from a stupid jerk and now it looks like you are not.

In your case, it looks like you had mixed feelings, and chose not to tell him before the marriage, which should imply it is merely an unpleasant memory, so it is not obvious why you messed up and told him later.

So, he may not be as stupid as we think but might be responding to your own confusion about it. (Not sure, just suggesting a possibility.)

Answer 3

No it should not count. But you should have told your husband, still he should also understand that something like that is very hard to tell people. Harder when you love someone because the fear is they will stop loving you if they know. And you can bet if it happened to him He would not have told you no matter what he says.

Answer 4

You were not "with" a person who raped you. You were violated. Your husband really needs to work on being sensitive to your emotional needs. Him getting pissed is extreme. Confused or upset because that had to happen to you is a better response. I think I'd be pretty pissed at him for being so callous.

Answer 5

I wouldn't count rape as a 'relationship'. Someone violated you and you were a completely unwilling participant. It's not lying---but hopefully your husband will be supportive of you.

Answer 6

well ur husband is an idiot i dont think i would be happy with a guy that called me a liar if i was raped i would not want to talk about it

Answer 7

No, it does not count! Your husband sounds like an extremely insensitive , uncaring person. His position on this sends bad vibes about your relationship.

Answer 8

Take your husbands head in your hands & shake some sense into it.

Ofcourse it doesn't count but I suppose thats the difference between the way men & women think. (I know, not all men.)

Answer 9

I've never counted it. It shouldn't because it was not your decision. Your husband doesn't seem very sensitive to that.

Answer 10

Put your husband on here right now and I'll give him a piece of my mind :-) He's being an insensitive FOOL!!!!!