I am married just over a year and everyone keeps asking when we are going to have kids.?

Question

I find this so annoying. I don't know the answer myself, and I hate saying I don't know, or whatever. The response I usually get is, well you should have some, you would be a great mom. Well I appreciate the words, it is still akward and very annoying being asked this at least 8 times in an average week.
I am not sure that I want to actually carry a child. I love kids, and would love to have some one day, but the horror stories I have heard of pregnancies scares me off. I know this is not a decision that I/we have to make today, but I am not getting any younger.
So what I want to know is, first, how can I respond to people who constantly ask when we are going to be parents, or tell me that I would be a great mom, or basically when I am going to have kids?
Second, for those of you who have had a child, please tell me what the whole pregnancy experience was like.
Thanks

Answer 1

Oh, Honey.
My hubby and I went through the same thing. And you know what? We had just celebrated 10 years together when I went into labor with our first baby. You have kids when it's right for the both of you. It IS annoying when people say that to you.
If you both want kids eventually, then you probably will have them. They are God's gift. When you're pregnant, you're closer to God that ever in your life. Not even the Angels have the honor to bear children. Only a human mother is given this precious opprotunity to help create a life.
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. You get to feel every little nudge your baby offers. Yes, it does have a few throw backs like being tired during your 1st trimester, and your feet and low back hurting during your last trimester. I'm telling you though, that middle trimester you're on top of the world!
Then comes the baby. Whoa! What a change. Your political values change, your driving habits change, things you never dreamed of change. You're holding a gift from God in the palm of you hand, and you begin to realise what TRUE LOVE is. You gain a maternal instinct you never knew you had. When you look into your own child's eyes, you're looking into Heaven, because they were just there.
Good luck to you, and don't let anyone sway what you and your husband feel comfortable with doing. Not even ME! ;)
Best of luck, and I hope this might shed a little bit of light on your question.

Answer 2

Tell them that you're not planning kids right now, but maybe in the future. I am 19. I had my daughter 2 days after my 18 b-day. I was scared. Throughout my whole pregnancy I was scared. I wasn't sure what to expect. My mom had 6 kids naturally. She kept telling me that it would be ok and that it wasn't so bad. If it was that bad..do you think she'd have 6..naturally. The whole 9 months was a lil hard due to the mood swings and body changes, but it was a great experience. When my water broke, everything happened really fast. I didn't have my naturally cause I was afraid that it would hurt too bad, so I was drugged up pretty good and didn't really feel much. The stories you hear make it sound real bad, but it's not. Everyone has different experience, so you can't judge it on others. It has to do with you, your health, your pain tolerance, your body. Carrying you're child and giving birth gives you a special bond. Really, it's a great experience. There's nothing to be scared of!
oh yeah..the worse thing is going to the doctor ...lol!

Answer 3

Well as for the people asking you when you are going to have children your reply should be "When are you (them) going to get a job to support them?" It is no ones business what goes on in your marriage. When you and your husband decide to get pregnant that is your decision. Everyone else should mind their own business. Yes it is nice to be complimented with someone saying you would be a great mom but being a mom is also a big responsiblity and you will be an even better mom for waiting until you KNOW you are ready for that responsibility.

As for your second question: I have three children (Christopher, Jasmine, and Aaron [5, 3, and 1]) and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I will also not lie and say being pregnant is totally awesome because sometimes it has its downfalls. However, there is not one time that I was pregnant (even when I gained 80 lbs with my youngest) that I could say I wish I had never done it. You will gain weight, you could be uncomfortable (especially the last couple of months), and there could also be complications here and there. BUT after all that and possibly 12 hours of labor (my first two), it is definately going to pay off when you see the beautiful face of the life you just created.

Even if you decide that you do not want to have children of your own and decide to adopt that is not going to make you any less of a women or a mother.

Answer 4

For the first question..... just tell people "when WE'RE ready" It's your decision not anyone elses.

Second, You need to understand, you are going to hear ALOT more bad than good when it comes to pregnancy, mostly bevause if it was good..... you usually don't remember it. We live in a society that dwells on the negative, so that's what we remember. Honestly I had twins in 2002 and although prgnancy is definatelt not the most comfortable state (especially toward the end), it's also completely amazing I'll never forget sitting bare bellied watching the girls kick and seeing it on the outside. I had a scary delivery, because my girls were so big they were born 9 weeks early. It ended up in an emergency c-section, but honestly, I really think the only really horrible part was the nurse in the OR yelling at me that "We can't find any scrubs to fit him, so your husband may not be coming in"...... and that's because she was grumpy because we were the 6th c-section that night, another nurse taped him into a gown and in retrospect it was actually funny. Just realize..... the horror stories are what you're going to hear, becasue they are interesting, no one is interested in a by the book pregnancy and delivery. Women have been having children for thousands of years, you'd think we would have quit by now if it was THAT bad.

Answer 5

People can be so flippin' nosey. Seriously, the next time someone asks you this, make your eyes tear up and say, "I'm sorry...we're not able to have kids. Thanks for reminding me..." and hang your head down and walk away.

The whole pregnancy experience was wonderful. The only complaint I had was the constant need to pee. I have two sons, and during each of their pregnancies, I carried them very low practically from the beginning, so they were always pressing on my bladder. Have you ever had a bladder infection? You know how you have the constant urge to pee, even though you've just gone to the bathroom and you KNOW your bladder is empty? That's what it was like. The closer I got to my due date, the bigger the boys got, the worse this got.

Other than that, no complaints really. I didn't have morning sickness, no swollen feet, nothing horrible really. The first trimester was incredibly rough because I was SO tired. It's not a tired like it's bed time and you have to go to sleep...this was more of an exhausted tired. I used to wake up after sleeping 9 or 10 hours at night and immediately be exhausted, lol. This passes though, and I felt wonderful during my second trimester.

Labor and delivery was OK. Contractions are horrible (the worse menstrual cramps you can imagine X 50. The epidural took care of that, and after my son was born, all pain was forgotten. :)) My second son was born via emergency c-section. I felt sort of cheated that I wasn't able to deliver him vaginally (It was SO cool to watch my first son be born in the mirror!), but he was healthy and fine. Recuperation was a b*tch though...first few weeks are very painful and you can't do anything. It even hurts to sit on the toilet. It's amazing how we take our abdominal muscles for granted. You'd be surprised what you use them for, lol!) I loved being pregnant.

Answer 6

Tell them when I'm pregnant you'll be the first to know. That usually shocks them.
When I was pregnant I actually enjoyed it. It was a good experience for me and knowing that I was carrying something so precious made me more aware of things I did to keep myself safe. Also, I didn't find out the sex of my baby so the surprise was awesome at the end. Not everyone has a bad experience. It's all in your attitude and if you maintain a positive one during pregnancy it makes it better for the baby because the child feels everything you feel.

Answer 7

I've been married ten years and STILL get asked at least once a week. My response is, "If it's meant to be, it will happen." And then I change the subject. I can't have kids and I get SO annoyed when people pry and need to ask questions that are none of their business. Don't feel like you're being rude; it's the others who are rude for being so nebby and insensitive!

Answer 8

I totally understand! I have family members that do that to me too...and I'm only married 4 months! Anyway, there's this great book called "Where to Draw the Line" by Anne Katherine, M.A.(pps 48-50) that addresses your issue of people asking uncomfortable questions. She recommends that you could:

1. Ask THEM the question.
2. Turn the topic to them.
3. Take their question to its extreme.
4. Answer in a way that doesn't reveal any tender or intimate information.
5. Ask them why they are asking.
6. Acknowledge that you don't know them well enough to reveal the answer.
7. End the conversation.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

To the compliment of "You'd be a good parent"; just say "Thank you" and change the subject.

As to the other questions; they are personal, and private. Anyone who would ask something like that is being RUDE. and they qualify for just as rude an answer.

I CHOSE not to have children; and I run into this all the time. I give them just as rude and nosy a question...and they shut up .

" When are you going to have kids?"
"Did you have sex this morning ?"

Answer 10

Oh, I hated that! The worst was when people asked us when we were going to have kids at our wedding reception. I pretty much would just turn the question back to them and eventually people stopped asking. Three years later when we announced that we were expecting, people were happy. Pregnancy was fine, but I got sick of people asking "How do you feel? Are you ready?"