My closest friend is in an abusive relationship and I don't know how to help her because she says she loves the guy and refuses to leave him.
She is in the position where she could have him thrown in jail with a phone call, yet she is helping him pay for solicitors to get him out of the s#*t.
He has hospitalised her on the last occassion and I truly fear for her safety. More than that she has two children (not his) who are being exposed to this violent behaviour. I am more concerned for their welfare than hers!
How do I make her see what she is allowing to happen to her? I spent hours with her and she cried and said she was leaving, then went straight to his place!
I have offered her a safe place to stay, support and frienship, but it's not enough. Do I just sit back and let her destroy her life and that of her children? What can I do?
2006-08-17 14:14:57 · 42 answers · asked by Kat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
the previous posters have given you much guidance as to ideas for things you should do. pick and choose among them as many as seem to fit.
You must be strong and do what needs to be done even if that means short term extra stress...
use your best judgment and my prayers and those of others who read this will be with you helping you know you are not alone in this.
2006-08-24 15:19:06 · answer #1 · answered by surfnsfree 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Boy, this is a tough question.
You have offered her a safe place for her and her kids but she doesn't want to take advantage of it.
She may have such a low self-esteem that she feels that she deserves what she gets and if that is the case, she will not be strong enough to leave without some mental help.
I too fear that she is in danger. I don't know if the law in the tate you live in will allow you to try to step in and do something or not. You may just have to be there for her and maybe with time. she will see how dangerous a situation she is in. Not only is she in danger, but the rage could be transferred to the kids,
I pray that she will get out before something really bad happens to her or one of the kids. Give her my love and tell her I am supporting her from afar.
2006-08-17 14:32:08 · answer #2 · answered by Linda L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you will just have to get tough and refuse to spend time listening to all her complaints. She feels she is deserving of the beatings, else why would be put up with this jail bird. She just keeps asking for it. I would tell her "no more, I am not going to hang around listening to you about this creep." Then don't.
Maybe she will get the message...maybe she won't. She is putting her children at risk with him on the scene and that makes her an ignorant neglectful mother. It is up to her to make the first move...does she choose him or her children?. Is she willing to lose the children for that turkey? There is only one answer and she is not listening....not yet. These things end tragically.
Good luck, hang tough...
2006-08-23 06:51:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that you fear for your friends life. You have talked to her till you cried and told her how you feel. You are a true friend. However sad but true.....you can talk till your voice gets hoarse, your friend is not going to leave the situation until she make up her on mind and follows through with this decision. If not for her sake at least for the sake of her children lets hope that she does this before anything permanent happens to her.
2006-08-25 12:57:00 · answer #4 · answered by Lady D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately, until a person is ready to get away from the abuse and leave it, it will continue. some people need to hit the bottom before they give up on an abusive relationship, seek help and become healthy, my best advise is to be there, be supportive, gently attempt to direct the eyes to be open, very gently i suggest. my daughter is in a similar situation, i let her know that all she needs to do is call and i will come. it is very hard, pushing too hard and you may loose your friend. it is a fine line, it seems that you know where it is already, love and support her, there are hot lines that can also give you direction and let you know what support systems are available in your area or should i say her area. bless you for caring, don't abandon your Friend, regardless of what she says, let her know that you love her and care.
2006-08-25 05:57:09 · answer #5 · answered by mhp_wizo_93_418 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW hold on if there are children involved than you need to do something about it. If your friend is not gonna help her own children than you should. Even though you might put her against you i think i would go to the police and tell them myself just be careful becuase you would be putting yourself into this also. I heard this news on TV that a priest knew about this child being abused and he didnt say nothing to the police so he was taken to jail also because he was a part of it. Think about wouldnt you want to help her or the kids before its too late, things could happen and before she knows it, it might be too late. I think that if you have the chance to help her you should go ahead, BE careful. and good luck . You are a gr8t friend...
2006-08-25 03:30:07 · answer #6 · answered by La fresa04 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have done everything that can be done,its up to her now from this point,you need to take a step behind,and give her some time,she know all that but she could't let it go just like that,she have high hopes in him,she just could't believe that this man wasn't for her.Don't push her,help her slowly and make sure she make the decision by herself,you don't want her to blame you at the end of the day,cheer up,give yourself a pat on the back!
2006-08-23 13:30:38 · answer #7 · answered by Janet Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a shame but, it's not a whole lot you can do. If the safety of her children has not been incentive for her to leave, I don't know what will. I know its hard to watch someone you care for being used as a personal punching bag. Until she makes up in her mind enough is enough, she will keep staying for more.
Just let her know that you are there for her. Although, I would continue to remind her the damage all of this is doing to her children. I would try to appeal to the love I know she has to have for her kids, even if the love for herself has been lost.
2006-08-22 08:46:51 · answer #8 · answered by SpittinThaReal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can keep offering her the help. But she won't leave him. Trust me, I've known several people who have been in very horrific relationships and still haven't left the guy/gal. Sometimes just letting her know that your there and at anytime that she needs you is all you can do. Throw his ass in jail. And help her be brave enough to press charges. Take her to a counselor...a safe house...a doctor...a police officer. Take her to the morgue and have her see what happens to women who get beat up by their boyfriends/husbands. It will wake her up sooner or later...but for now, just stay by her side. Either that shoot the m'fer...nah don't do that...you'll end up in jail, and likely not kill him. And she'll end up still with him and hating you. Just give her time...I hope someday she will come to her senses....My ex boyfriend after my kids' dad, took a knife to my throat and I was bleeding when the cops were on their way he told them that I tried to commit suicide. If it wasn't for my kids' dad and my sisters I probably would've lost my kids and ended up in a psyche ward. I left him after several years of abuse...thanx to my best friend. I probably would've ended up dead if I didn't leave. What woke me up was the look on my kids face along with the help and support from family and my best friend. Let her know that she's got more support than he does...and not to be afraid...sometimes it really don't seem like it, and don't look like you really have many people that really care or love you....GET OUT!
2006-08-25 08:34:52 · answer #9 · answered by missbehave252002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have done everything you can without actually calling the police yourself. I know its hard but you have to let her finally wake up...herself. You are obviously the only one she can turn to so just be there for her but keep reminding her what it is doing to her kids and that there is a better life out there for them and her. If you have to use some tough love. Tell her that you wont be there for her unless she does something about the situation and hopefully she will get the message, but also let her know that you will be there when she comes out at the other side.
2006-08-17 15:05:06 · answer #10 · answered by megs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can only watch, u say so urself that she love him. The only thing u can do is lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on. Things like this u just got to let them fall and help them bounce back and to ease the pain..where love is concern the word like 'cant','no' or 'stop' will not work...let her learn her mistake and have u to help her to wake up from the pain. Dont be the type of friend to tell that ' i told u so'...just be there for like ur doing right now...gud luck dear
2006-08-24 18:49:21 · answer #11 · answered by ctmaryam_83 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋