Help me please?

Question

im a married woman who has been separated for over a year. Im dating a man who is older than i am. Hes 55 and im 33 hes been there for me since my husband and i broked up i told him that i dont want him to get caught up with me cause im not ready for a realationship im just dating. I dont need for anything with him he makes sure that all my financial need are meet and we really have a good time together,my problem is he has told me that he loves me but i dont feel the same way hes been so good to me and i tried to develope feelings for him but nothings happening its been a year now. The sex is not good at all sometimes i want to tell him but dont know how to tell him he dont please me i dont want to hurt his feelings. Everyone close to me knows the heartache ive been through with my husband and they see how good this guy is treating me and tells me dont leave him i feel so preasured should i stay with him be treated like a lady and deny my happiness or build up the nerves to leave help

Answer 1

Maybe try expressing to him that you've greatly appreciated the help he has given in your life, don't at all tell him about your real feelings before expressing appreciation for what he has contributed to your life. Just tell him that you've tried to love him as much as he loves you and that it pains you to say that you don't have and can't have feelings as strong back. It will hurt him, there's no way of avoiding that, but a relationship with no real emotional satisfaction for you isn't something you should submit to for the rest of your life, you'll end up regretting it and wishing that you'd expressed your true feelings. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

You have enough to deal with at this time without being pressured into another relationship. Separated is not the same thing as divorce and that is what you need to focus on first, (weather to do it or not) The age difference between the two of you makes me wonder if you or he has a "daddy complex" and it also makes me wonder by what you have said if you feel obligated to him because of his financial help for other "favors" why would you have sex with someone and not enjoy it? Believe me at his age it is not uncommon to feel they are owed sex for taking care of women in need. It doesn't sound to me like he is treating you like a lady only a "kept one" I am a little older than you are but I fell into this same trap, it doesn't get any better. I am breaking free of it because I don't like the way I feel about myself.Your happiness is more important than what others think so you need to decide what is best for you.

Answer 3

You need to be strong. Please don't mind me being straight-forward.... You're already in a marriage that you don't want to be in, and now you're with another man that's not the right man for you. It's hard because we all fall into the same vicious cycles. Reach out to other people who can give you moral support without bias. Please don't live the rest of your life saying "what-if" just because you don't have to worry right now about money and because he's a decent guy. You've been through enough and you owe it to yourself to do what you know will make you happy in the end, even if it means going through hard times right now. He's a good guy but he's not the man for you. Be honest and respect yourself. Is it everyone else's happiness at stake when they pressure you tro stay with him? No, it's your life and only you have the power to change it. The right person is out there, but you'll never find him if you stay where you are.

Answer 4

Here's what I think I know for sure:

1. Dating a man who is making sure your financial needs are met is not "dating." It's a crutch.
2. He's so much older than you are. You may just be looking for someone to take care of you because you feel so wounded.
3. You don't need to stay with someone because you feel guilty that he loves you more than you care for him. It happens.

4. Having said that, it IS possible to change the type of man you're attracted to... but I don't think that's the issue here.

5. If you stay with this guy, even though you don't love him and you're not physically attracted to him, you're not denying yourself happiness... you're living in denial.

6. All you have to say to leave is, "I think the world of you... and I appreciate all you have done for me. But, I've got to be honest with myself. It was unfair for me to get involved with you when I barely know who I am just coming out of this marriage. Please know that I will always honor you and our time together. But, it's time for me to move on and find out who I am."

Be brave. Divorce the first guy. Learn more about yourself and learn to love who you are.

The right guy will be along just as soon as you are ready.

That's just the way the universe works.

Answer 5

You shouldn't be with anyone that you don't love, or have sex with someone you don't either. No matter how much you don't want to hurt his feelings you have to be honest with him and yourself. Staying with him, having sex with him, accepting his money, but no love? Tell me is this a relationship or prostitution? If you don't love him you are using him and fooling yourself. Why after a year of being separated are you still married? I think its time that you got a divorce and move on with your life with someone that you can appreciate.

Answer 6

Slow down, your answer is in your own question. You have allowed so many other things to crowd you in and your life is a mess. You stand on your own two feet and bring honesty out to everyone that needs to hear the truth and girl start with yourself, once you get the facts gathered on you then step by step face people you need to and speak what you may, it won't come out ugly and it won't be bad it will be the truth and all will know it, dismiss yourself from all that is not giving you peace, slow down and start with you, somewhere down the line, you will see that you had to do the right thing...time to get alone and put yourself in order..today.

Answer 7

Ahem... You don't love him but you are having sex with him and he is paying your bills?

If you don't love him then you are either a prostitute or a scammer.

Apparently as soon as you left your husband you started going to bed with this old guy for his money and sweet talk.

Here's an idea - stand on your own two feet for awhile. Get a job and don't sleep with anybody.

If you can't do that, then thank your lucky stars that you've got the old guy you don't love to take care of you.

Answer 8

If you respect him as a person, then it is best to let him know where he stands with you. I know you don't want to hurt his feelings cause he's so good to you but you will only end up hurting him later anyway if you choose to "pretend" you're happy with the relationship even though you're not. Not only is this unfair to you, it's unfair to him. It's a tough situation but either way, he will end up getting hurt. You have to decide which is more important: His feelings or your happiness. It's your choice.

Answer 9

Don't get yourself into this relationship feeling as though you're being pressured into it. Be in it because YOU want to be in it. Just sit down with this guy and tell him, thank you for being there for me when I needed you, but now I want my space. Tell him you want to be alone. You should NEVER feel pressured into a relationship!! It'll only make you unhappy and mislead him. And that isn't fair to either of you!! Good luck!

Answer 10

money does not by happiness, and you should be happy, but remember he seams by what you say happy, and gave you money, so if it is not right for you you should leave, but tell him the truth, and why don't just leave. that would not be fair to you or to him. and who know if you are honest you might at least keep a good friend. even if it takes a little time.