why are men so hard to please?why can't men appreciate the good woman they have?

Question

im a hard working well educated black woman in my late 30's i have been with my mate for 3yrs now,we live together so we do everything as a married couple,I know it's wrong but i really care for him.he say he loves me i believe him but the things that he does makes me feel he's not ready for commitment and i am.for example he lookes at other women when i am around,and swears up and down he wasn't.it seems like he doesn't appreciate what he has at home.he comes home to a home cooked meal every evening,a clean home,and a beautifful woman every night.i just don't understand what he wants from me,i ask him he gets upset..so im asking someone anyone that knows what im going through to please reply back.

Answer 1

I really and truly believe that when the end of the world comes, that woman will still be asking this question!
As far as why they are hard to please, let me just say this, I know from first hand experience that he may be too comfortable in the relationship and you need to do something to give him a wake up call! The reason that he gets upset is because he does not want to have to communicate with you, men HATE to talk about relationships, even if theirs is going down the tubes full speed ahead!
They would rather break off their own arm and beat themselves to death than have to have a conversation about feelings and their relationship!
He may also be taking you for granted, he knows that you are going to do all those nice things for him so he can keep acting any way he wants and will still wash his clothes and cook his meals, he expects it and if one day he came home and it was not there, he would seriously notice!
You may just have to show him where the door is, but not to get rid of him, just to show him what it would be like to without you for a while! Believe me once he realizes how much you do for him, he will come running back to your door a changed man!
Don't ask him any more what he wants from you tell him that if he is not happy, then he knows where the door is and walk off!
I think you are a very smart and strong woman and you might be able to do better, but if you love him and want to work this out, then you have to get his attention! Good luck and God bless, hope this helps!

Answer 2

Women everywhere seem to have this problem... anything that a man does to make them feel less than what they are actually makes them believe it too! It makes them questions their own self-worth, which it seems that logically you have a good grip on. You are a competent, educated, great woman, so don't let anything he does make you think you are anything less.

Now onto his problem. He might not be ready to commit. He also might not want to break up with you, but just not go anywhere from here. You cannot make him ready to commit, he has to get there on his own. You, however, can decide what you want for yourself. You can either wait around with him while he treats you less than what you deserve until he is ready to commit or move on, or you can make the decision to move on and find what you are looking for. I know it's hard, I've actually been there and found someone much better for me eventually, after being alone for a bit. When it is right you will KNOW... and I know you are 30, so it's not like you want to wait around forever, so I suggest you try to fix this relationship if you are serious about it, but if he's not willing to put the work in, then that is your cue to leave and finally get what you deserve.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Men are stupid sometimes. They don't always appreciate what they have until they don't anymore. You can love someone with everything you are and it is just not always enough. They might have a fear of commitment b/c they think that there might be something better than what they have out there. Then most of the time when they don't find it they try to come back.

Trust me no matter how much you love someone, you cannot change them. They have to learn what they will on their own. I'm sure it's not what you want to hear, but it the truth. Just hang in there or move on and find someone who will appreciate you for the wonderful lady you are.

Answer 4

Why do you think it is wrong to care for him? He's been with you for 3 years-that's fairly committed, don't you think? Do you want marriage? As for looking at other women, I think perhaps 99% of men do! It's their nature. Maybe he already gets everything he wants from you but you seem to be so lacking in confidence you can't believe it. Trust him, love him - and TELL him you love him! Stop thinking its wrong to care for him. He may get the idea that you don't. If you think he's looking at another woman, make a joke of it - you know, say something like 'she's almost as pretty as me, isn't she?' When you stop being so uptight, he'll calm down and be happy to be with you. Keep smiling; I'm sure he does appreciate you deep down. Maybe he just doesn't know how to show it, so it's up to you to lead the way. Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

He don't commit because he don't have too.. ..
You gave him everything before you requested a commitment. I noticed with men you have to start out with exactly what you want. What ever it is you don't want to except, don't except it in the beginning. Men don't like too much change. If we are looking for a commitment, you can't say I am just looking for a friend when we meet them. You are in a situation now where you need security, but he don't because he's secure....If you were to get paid before you actually do the job, how many people do you think will show up for work?

Answer 6

Not all men are hard to please (for instance, I'm finding it hard to please my girlfriend at the moment!)

Anyhow, your prediciment reminds me of a film I recently saw - "The Break-Up". The situation sounds exactly similiar to the opening of the film, in which Brooke (Jennifer Aniston) explains to Gary (Vince Vaughn) that he doesn't take any notice of how lucky he is. She cooks him a meal every night, cleans and tidies the apartment for when he comes home and foremost, he doesn't really seem to respect her anymore.

The film also sees them breaking-up when she explains it to him. Gary doesn't really understand what she is saying, though... because he's a man. After she explains it properly, at the end of the movie, he realises what she wanted and tries to get back together (when he "does" understand her needs).

The most important thing for you to do is explain exactly how you feel. Tell your boyfriend what is bugging you and give him a choice - give you some respect or prepare to end it. There is, seriously, no point in being with somebody who doesn't show you that he cares.

You want him to appreciate you? Tell him.

Answer 7

Can't speak for the rest of the question, but men will look.
It is instinctive. They may be subtle about it, but then you
are subtle about it when you check out the guy with
the magnificent abs out there working with the jack hammer.

Looking at the menu and buying another dinner are two
different issues.

Generally marriages where either party (or both) are spending
a lot of time trying to please the other generally end up falling
flat on their faces. That doesn't mean they can't be fixed, but
you're in for a crash.

He needs to love you for who you are - not what you are trying
to be - and visa versa.

Relax - be realistic about both of yourselves.

Do you like what you see?

Answer 8

Men are like lions, trying to mate with as many females as they can. Women, are like robins, they make a nest, and guard one or two eggs, and try to keep the nest clean, and the babies happy.

Even someone as good looking as Jennifer Aniston lost when it comes to relationships, all it took was a slut to break up her happy home. Because men are never satisfied. I hope Brad is getting tired of dragging the kids around...he sure looks awful!

I'm sorry you are having problems, and I hope you find your happiness.

Answer 9

I am a married man and I, too, look at lovely women as I see them.

It's not a logical response or a rational response. Being an overly analytical introvert who meditates, I've come to the conclusion that it is instinctive to be attracted to women even when a man is in a committed relationship. My wife understands this (and, yes, she looks, too...she even comments to me about the men she sees).

What is more shamefull is his lieing to you about it. That makes it worse for both of you.

I do know of a few men who have the will power to focus on their mates exclusively. One friend had been questioned by his fiance about his being gay because he ignored other women except her. This may be another issue: looking at other women confirms heterosexual identiy.

Answer 10

Well for one thing, you shouldn't feel threatened by other woman. As long as you have confidence, you are fine. On the other hand, beautiful women are everywhere in the media and on the street. The image of true beauty is fake and is very unrealistic. So as long as a woman looks like a model, she will get the attention that YOU deserve.