I married someone I feel uncomfortable with? what to do?

Question

My wife doesn't seem to be compatible with me. This was an arranged marriage and I wasn't mature enough to understand that understanding is more important than sexy life partner. And made the decision to marry her. It's now 2 months now, and me and my wife have tensions and problems from each other. I feel she's rude and is a bit outspoken, which makes me upset, and when i get upset over what she says, I get angry and in return she gets upset to see me angry. So this a a chain reaction I go through every week atleast. This is due to misunderstandings ofcourse, which has created communicational gaps between us, because she fears of my getting angry at her and I get upset of what and/or how she talks, and what she talks about. So we rather not talk to each other most of the times

In her heart, she loves me, she trusts me, but the way of her expression, her communication, he way to talk faster than my pace and all these things hurt me a lot. Is this relationship every going to work out

Answer 1

Punch out, Maverick! Get a divorce

Answer 2

Let's see.... you are both apparently young, the marriage was arranged, you have only been married two months.....

Of course you are both uncomfortable. You are just starting to get to know each other.

Being married does not mean that you both have to agree with one another on everything. She is just as entitled to an opinion as you are. The secret is to learn to communicate with one another. Being able to respect the fact that you are both individual in your own right is a good start. Sometimes it is best to agree to disagree about some things. Pick your battles. Some things are just not worth arguing over.

If she says something to you that you consider rude and hurtful, then let her know that her words hurt you and why. You are not less of a man simply because you are human and words do hurt you.

Anger is the by-product of being hurt usually because on feels slighted in some way. Subconsciously, we presume that if someone does not agree with us that they are calling our intelligence into question. Frequently, what we perceive as a slight is certainly not intended to be one... but we react before we analyze where, what the other person is saying, is coming from.

I would recommend the two of you making a list of all the things you each like doing. Find the common things, and do them together. Find a hobby that both of you can do together so that you have things in common to talk about.

Right now, you are both a little on the defensive with one another. Neither of you are quite sure what the other thinks of you. People react and say things that they don't mean when they are nervous and on the defensive.

Take a little time to get to know one another before you start feeling like you need to end your marriage.

Answer 3

Think about what you really want, until there are children you can dissolve the marriage. After there are children you can divorce, but never really escape each other. Many people have personal problems that show up in a close relationship, make sure that is not it. You might want to try counseling while making sure you do not have children and if that does not work divorce. You need to be happy with yourself and understand what you want in a life partner.

Answer 4

Of course it can work out, however you have to learn to accept that you are both different, at the moment in these very early stages of your marriage you are both testing the water. Please try not to get annoyed with each other, you need to laugh together, give her plenty of hugs, hold her hand, talk to her, make sure she is involved in your life and that she feels important. Tell her you love her, help her around the house, try doing a few small things which mean so much to us ladies, like making her a cup of tea or making the bed.
I am sure you can get through this but you will both have to work at it, no happy marriage comes easily. I wish you lots of best wishes.

Answer 5

While I am not trying to say that you are guilty for what is happening between you and your wife, I have to tell you that you seem to be talking only about what YOU expect from your wife and care mostly about yourself in this relationship. For instance, you say that she loves you, but you don't say anything about you loving her, or you say that you want her not to talk so fast, but you don't ask yourself why should she change her ways only to suit yours? I agree with you that understanding is very important in a relationship, but that understanding doesn't mean that only she should understand you, but also that you should try to understand her as well. Which means you will have to sit down and talk calmly about the way you want your relationship to be in the future: what do you expect of her, what does she expect of you? Are you both willing to make sacrifices to make it work? Is she going to be less rude and are you going to control your anger? That sort of things. I think this is the only way to get over it. Good luck!

Answer 6

As it was an arranged marriage I take it you didn't get time to know your wife and her likes and dislikes she is probley feeling as bad as you are right now and her defences are up.

Try sitting down and saying to your wife I expect this of you and what do you expect of me? Go from there set down some ground rules and most importantly when you feel you are getting angry at each other walk away and calm down then come back when calm and address the issue at hand.

Getting counselling is an option as well.

Answer 7

so she loves you and so on but it was an arranged marriage? if she cares so deeply for you then you should've had time to develop positive feelings for her...
if you know that she gets worse when you get upset then control your temper. you can't expect to change her or wait for her to do something different. just sit down and try to TALK to her. if there are communicational gaps then this should help. before you talk to her think about what upsets you the most and try to understand why it upsets you when she does this. that way when you talk to her and tell her what makes you mad and she doesn't understand why it makes you mad then you can explain it to her. help her understand you. this time in your marriage should be spent getting to know and understand each other. getting angry won't help. try to remember that when she pisses you off.

-also listen if she tries to tell you what upsets her.- that's important

Answer 8

Have you two ever really sat down very calmly and talked about what is troubling you? If you haven't, maybe you want to try there. Is she unhappy that this was an arranged marriage? If so, seeking one's freedom may actually be an option. If you don't love one another and aren't compatible, then life is way too short. The best gift of love you could give is her freedom...and yours too...the freedom to choose to be with someone you do relate to and do love.

Answer 9

this sounds corny but it helps:
1. sit down and talk with her about how you are feeling, she may try to change bad habits or rudeness
2.find a marriage counsler and set up an appointment, just to see if it might help.
3. everyone has a stage where they feel they made the wrong decisions, the successful relationships work through them.
4. man... people give up to easy now, its just so simple for someone to say "Not working i wanna be divorced.
last: if you got a kid, try to make it work, otherwise it is just another generation being ruined by pain, and hate.
think about what im saying man... everyone just needs love, not sex.. thats like a want... everyone needs love

Answer 10

If you have noticed after talking with her about the problems in the marriage and you still don't notice an improvement,then you need to get out of that situation as soon as possible. It's not like you chose her,you said yourself that the marriage was arranged,why be unhappy if you don't have to be?

Answer 11

As a women I feel the need to answer this question with intelligence, please first try together counseling help. But if for some reason you still feel unconfortable, its better to keep your
way on your own. You're right and goodlooking is not the only thing that matter in this world. It is important to find the right person that gives you respect, care and LOVE.