Love after marriage is not really love, am I right?

Question

I am facing this issue, I think that the relationship between two non-committed male and female is much better than married couples. When there is commitment, there are fights, fights over misunderstandings, fights over incompatibility issues, everyday seems painful. Why do we get married then? I mean when there is no commitment, you are free, you feel freedom, you are happy, when you are married, it is like being in a jail, punished, can't talk, can't say, can't do what you like but what both like and stuff like that.

Is it possible to live happily with true love when you are married or is it never possible after marriage. Or am I just unlucky?

Answer 1

You're unlucky.

Answer 2

I think that people get married as it offers some sort of security,I am in the same situation.
I have been in a relationship for 5yrs and have 2 children and it is one big nightmare with me staying put mainly because I'm so dependent on my partner.

I still can't stop thinking that the grass is always greener on the side, but before I had kids one lady told me it wasn't and that has stuck in my mind. Another reason I haven't looked on the other side yet.

I think there is a better chance of finding true love after a failed marriage as you have survived something that will only make you stronger so obstacles in the future will seem a lot more manageable and you have probably come out of the relationship a better person so you can now learn from your mistakes.

Answer 3

You must be unlucky. True love stands the tests of time and if you truely love someone, it's as good as ever, no matter what. Marriage is a commitment between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. No marriage is perfect and you have to work at it, to keep it in tact, but if you go through the changes and stick to your commitment, the marriage will work.
I know because I've been married over 36 years and I'm 53.

Answer 4

Having arguments, fighting, etc isn't a result of marriage, it's the result of being in a relationship with someone. I've known unmarried couples who fought just as much as married couples.

If you are in a relationship with no fighting, disagreements, etc you are either extremely lucky, not being open w/each other or haven't been together long.

You can have true love in marriage. Main thing is don't jump into marriage too soon (like before you ever get into fights or disagreements). Fights and disagreements (to some degree) are inevitable in any relationship (marriage, dating, family, etc). You can't blame marraige for fighting and disagreements.

Answer 5

Wow that's a heck of an assumption, that all married couples fight and cause each other pain everyday. Sure marriage is hard and it takes work, has its ups and down. But I can assure you if you find the right person and you really love each other its worth it. Also a complete marriage full of trust allows the other person to say what they feel and lets them pursue their own interests.

I think marriage affords me freedoms single people don't have. I have combined income resources. I don't sit around wondering about other peoples possible sexual motives towards me. I have a partner to share my deepest fears, thoughts, joys, and pleasures.

Its taken a long time to build this united front, but its all been worth it.

PS. The few fights we do have, has the best part making-up

Answer 6

In the first place, you are obviously do not understand what marriage really mean. It is clearly indicate that you are totally not prepare to face the married life. You only stated your side of the story and we do not know the other side of the story. Marriage is commitment, understanding, compromising with one common objective; to build a family and carry on generation. marriage simply not just sex and love. In the case your spouse too do not understand the real marriage, you both have a big problem indeed. Another common roots of the problem is conception; you should not compare unmarried life and legal married life. Both are TOTALLY different. If you choose to have unmarried life, you are not being fair to your partner and religiously wrong. You may start the "unmarried" generation because your 'illegal' children will follow suit and it goes on and on. In any cultures of the mankind, civilised or not civilised it is misleading. Perhaps, you should analyse your spouse in more critical manner, try to fit yourself into her heart. She needs you to care for her and as a man or husband; this is your basic responsibility.

Answer 7

It is impossible for two people to be absolutely non-committed. When you truly love someone, you want to connect with them. Once you feel you connected, you want to connect deeper. Even though two "non-committed" people don't talk about differences, wants and desires (which leads to fights according to you), that doesn't mean these feelings don't exist; they are just held back. When you hold back, it becomes harder to connect deeper.

People have hugh misconceptions about marriage. Romantic weddings don't help either. You are right about one thing, life after marriage is harder than dating. You know that because you know people are far from perfect and people's ideals are very different. However, you are only focusing on the work and not the fulfillment after this work. I went through hell-like moments with my husband. But coming out of that, I feel our love is stronger than I imagined it could be.

This is not to encourage you to get marry or not get marry. You just have to realize there are pros and cons to each. Don't expect to have the best of both worlds. It doesn't work like that. Nothing is free in this world, so is love. It takes work. That is what marriage is all about. If you don't want to do the work, hey, that's okay. Just don't expect deeper understanding of love.

This is only my thoughts. Not here to offend anyone.

Answer 8

hello, Al Bundy.


Actually, the true purpose of marriage is to force both parents to take care of any children that they make, usually to keep the father from abandoning the children, as is often the case with children born out of wedlock.

I am technically not married, but I have a contract with my woman that requires that we both take care of the children that we make, and we do have children. Fights result from impossible desires. When the man and woman want to do everything together, agree on everything, and know all of eachother's secrets, then conflict is inevitable. What my woman and I do, is do most things separately and not talk to eachother much. We even have separate beds in separate rooms, that we can use whenever we want. We don't even have to reciprocate eachother's affections, just so long as we do not resist. It has therefore been nothing but clear sailing for us. It appears that logic conquers all.

Answer 9

I think you can be happy in a committed relationship but I also think it's really important that you do stuff on your own and not just as a couple. My boyfriend and I have just bought a house (no we're not getting married) but we also want to keep doing things on our own. I really need that and luckily so does he.

Answer 10

There is someone that I love so much that all the fights would be worth it if I could be with him for the rest of my life.

If you don't feel the same way about the person you are considering marrying, then perhaps you shouldn't marry.

Answer 11

gene simmon's isn't married..he and his g/f have been together for 20 some years, they have two kids, and live in a HUGE house together. they are happily unmarried...he has a tv show a/b his life. goldie hawn and her b/f have been together for ages too, but they aren't married. i think if you are in love, you are in love, marriage shouldn't change the way you feel about someone or change your happiness. its just a ceremony you go through. some people do it, some don't. it works either way