I know this will sound somewhat or just downright cruel?

Question

On a recent trip to our local mall I happened on a somewhat field trip for a group of severely handicapped (both physically and mentally) people and could not help asking myself what emotional much less financial burden ( for lack of a better term) must this be for the parents of these people of various ages. You would think that with all the technological advances these days in the area reproduction and pregnancy, a doctor should be able , at a very early stage, detect a high probability of retardation or a mental handicap, and would give the parents the option of aborting. Again, it seems cruel , but these people I had seen, I am sure hadnt a clue as to their whereabouts or anything that was going on about them. I am not a believer in abortion, as most times I think it is simply a means of birth control for the irresponsible, but I am not totally ignorant to the cases of rape or health issues for the mother, but I am interested in what you might think.

Most answers I have gotten on this question seems to be related people who know of someone who have one sort of handicap or another but are able to fully function otherwise re: the children who are out enjoying sports, the girl who although confined to a wheelchair carries on as a top notch accountant etc. I guess I didnt explain well enough that these peopl are not who I asked about, rather the people who are unable to do anything for themselves much less run and play and work. From feeding to cleaning to going to taking care of their bathroom needs and on and on.And by the way,this was simply a question for debate or opinion. I have no idea how I would handle this situation,hence the question I put forward.I dont think that makes me cruel, heartless, cold and so on. But thanks for answering.

Answer 1

Docs do scan for obvious birth defects, assuming the parents go to the doctor like they should (many don't)

Many pregnancies are accidents and people have a hard enough time figuring out what to do with the unwanted pregnancy much less screening for health & making sure their own diet/genetics aren't causing the defects

Some problems are not obvious until after birth. Sometimes a hard birth will starve the brain for oxygen. Some babies look normal but never develop quite right, so the problems don't show up for a year or more. You can't exacty euthanize the less-than-perfect 1 year olds.

Also consider how many people in the US let their church tell them how to live. Some people would never consider an abortion even if there's no doubt the baby would be in extreme agony its whole short life. Some people have a hard enough time letting a teen daughter get access to an abortion when the poor girl is raped (even worse when it's family who did it!)

Some married couples in some rare cases both carry the gene for a rare birth defect. It means they've got to take a chance if they every want a kid of their own. IMHO they should not be gambling with a baby's health -- there is always adoption -- but wanting a baby is a very selfish urge.

You do raise an interesting point. But what of all the kids who aren't Short-Bus but who have serious defects in other ways, like severe ADHA or bipolar problems which make the kids not functional? Or the parents who have serious genetic health problems.... many adults do have one health ailment or another.

The bigger picture is that (1) humans are never 100% perfectly healthy and any ailment/weakness could be passed on (2) sometimes with the best planning parents can be suprised with a kid who isnt quite right at age 1-2. Also remember people rarely plan how to afford the child or how to hold the family together (look at the divorce rate!) much less plan pregnancy health, diet, etc

Answer 2

i use to work with handicapped children and they are wonderful human beings just because they may not be able to communicate with you it doesnt mean that they cant understand what is going on around them. i have great respect for the parents who look after them 24/7 its tiring both physically and emotionally . even though i enjoy looking after them and i loved my job i dont think i could have a child like that.i wouldnt be mentally and physically strong enough and there would always b e the worry of 'what will happen to them when i am gone'. its not being cruel. sometimes, doctors get it wrong when it comes to annalysing the foetus sometimes there is nothing wrong with it but parents go ahead with abortions because they think there is. also i think the need for a perfect world is becoming to great people are having abortions just because the child has a cleft palate, this is crazy, unfortunately theses childtren are born with disabilities for a reason, its gods wish and while we can help both them and the parents i think we have to be careful that we are not trying to create a master race otherwise we are no better than hitler.

Answer 3

My best friend in the whole world is physically handicapped. She has cerebral palsy and spinal bifida. Her legs are smaller than the rest of her and aren't strong enough to support the weight of her body. She doesn't have much strength in her arms either. She'll never walk and has lived her whole life in a wheelchair. She had developmental problems and they thought she would be retarded. She has a Masters Degree in accounting and works for one of the top companies in this area. She was once Miss GA representing Handicapped Professional Women. She plays the piano like you wouldn't believe and when she sings, God himself must pause to listen. I love her and am thankful every day that her mother didn't think to kill her before she was born or abandon her to an institution. Having her as my friend has changed my life. She does require some care and assistance but she never complains. She doesn't feel sorry for herself and wants to treated like everyone else. And I treat her the same as I do my other friends. When she starts feeling down, I go to her house and I don't pat her head and tell her it's okay. It's "***** don't start that sh_t today, get your _ss up and get dressed and let's go." And she loves me for it. I couldn't imagine never knowing her. She is loved by everyone who knows her. She isn't a burden or a tragedy. Her name is Jeanine and she is the most beautiful person I've ever known, handicap and all.

Answer 4

First I want to clarify that your perception about abortion is incorrect. The big myth in society is that the vast majority of abortions are capricious procedures performed on the irresponsible. This is not the case. The vast majority of women and their spouses take this matter very seriously.

I my personal situation, my wife's cousin had cystic fibrosis, which commonly kills people by their early twenties and can be very trying for both the child and their family. We decided to get genetic counseling before the birth of who turned out to be our son. A couple of days after the meeting with the doctors, my wife and I were driving somewhere and I said to her, "I'm not sure that even if the doctors told us that they were 100% certain that our child would have CF that I would want to abort it." She turned to me and said, "I'm so glad you said that. I've been thinking the same thing for two days and didn't know how to tell you."

Even having made that decision for ourselves, we would never think of telling another couple that they should make the same one. Each situation is unique. Each woman has a right to choose for herself. Hopefully, if she is married she and her spouse will work together on the decision, but it is the woman's body and I respect that.

As for the quality of life of the people you saw, we can't really know. We can't get into their minds and hearts. We can only imagine and we are limited by our own experience. Some of the developmentally challenged people that I have met have been some of the most joyous and loving. There are some things we can learn from them if we just pay attention: the joy of simple things, the rewards of accomplishment after hard work, and openess and acceptance of others to name a few. Sometimes, we're just too wrapped up in our own stuff to see that big picture.

Answer 5

Some people live long, happy lives. Others get the shaft. Some people might say that those people "missed out on so much". Others could argue that those people "got to retire the day they were born". It is truly in the eye of the beholder. In the end, we will all become a burden on society and our families at some point. The question is whether or not this will be viewed as good or bad.

Answer 6

Well, cruel or not, these children were born for a reason, too, and sometimes it is called tolerance of another, this is why we have "special education", "mall trips" to get them out, can you imagine what they must feel deep down inside, maybe you might not think they know what is going on, but I feel that some if not all might know, a "special" kid if in the right environment could grow up to be a very wonderful person, even if they are in a wheel chair. It saddens me to see these people myself, because there is nothing I can do for them, except smile and let them see there are people in the world that care. That is just my thoughts on this sensitive subject.

Answer 7

I can certainly understand the sentiments behind this question and observations. There was a time when I had similar thoughts. However, as "fate" would have it I now serve as the director of an organization that serves adults with all levels of mental retardation and other physical disabilities. Being around such folks on a regular basis enriches my life, causes me to reflect on how well I have it, and to be grateful for life and not want to waste a minute complaining about my minor problems and stressors. I think we're the ones who are really "served" by their presence in our world.

Others have given some great answers to this question, so I'll just add my "amen" to several of them by saying that, once you really get to know them personally, you'll see that life is real and meaningful to them, just as it is to the rest of us. Perhaps there are exceptions to that, but that's no different than the rest of us, no?

Answer 8

That is a difficult problem with no easy solution. I personally would choose to abort if I knew that a child I was carrying would be burdened by some horrible disorder because I have seen the struggle that day to day life is. However, I do feel that life is precious and if someone has the patience and the love to be able to care for that person for probably their entire life then bless them.

Answer 9

I coach Special Olympic athletes and I assist with an ARC day camp. All of these individuals (even the severely disabled) are able to show emotions. They laugh when I race against them. They smile when they're handed a metal for competing. They cry when swim time is over. Most of their parents don't see them as a burden, but as a blessing. I am inspired by their will and determination. I am lifted by their compassion for others. My life is better because of these children and adults.

Answer 10

I work in the health care industry and kinda thought the same way until I realized we needed them as badly as they needed us. I would feel good because I made someone happy and I watched other people work with this man and their mood was better leaving than it was to start with. We need to be able to give and so therefore someone has to need what the rest of us have to offer. I doubt that I could ever do as much for the world as that one man with spina bifida, mental retardation, and half a dozen other problems. He was awesome and kind and old enough to be my grandfather. I would be proud to have a child just like him.