Can you still love.....?

Question

I was with this person 10 years ago and the reason for the split was becasue of people. Stupid right? Well now 10 years later that person is married, I am to be married but we still love each other very much. I can't seem to stop thinking about this other person and they state the same thing. We have had one "get together" a few weeks ago and it was wonderful. It really rekindled everything. We love each other even more now. The problem is their spouse and my soon to be. We don't want them to be hurt and it is weird..we love them very much too. The other person doesn't want to leave their spouse and I don't want to call off my upcoming wedding. Are we just sick or just stupid? What should we do?

One minor detail...I never said it was a "He". Yes I am marrying a man and SHE is married..Does this change any of your answers??

Answer 1

Been there....doing that.....only it's 30 years not 10. You're not sick or stupid. You never forget past love if it was true love. And it doesn't matter that your love was female. Only both of you can decide if it's worth the risk to stay married to others and continue your affair. And yes that's what it is....an affair! The risk is that a lot of people could be hurt. I'm taking the risk.....I wish you lol with your decision!

Answer 2

Yes, you can still love. But can you be together?

That's a tricky situation and the temptation seems very large. As much as you don't want them to be hurt, both of your relationships will be hurt by the strain of this situation (even if the others do not know).

As a married man, I would suggest that you take your wedding vows very seriously...but you aren't married yet.

In theory, this other person is the only one dishonoring a vow that was made to a spouse...that person has the harder decision to make.

It's a big risk...but if the other person does not want to leave the spouse then I would suggest that you go through with your wedding...otherwise you'll end up with neither.

Answer 3

I feel for you. Love can hurt. Thing is, you had your chance 10 years ago and you both need to cut all ties and realize you aren't the same people anymore. Being that he is married and you are engaged. Before this goes further, you need to stop. The grass is never greener on the other side. It only appears that way for the first little while. Then later down the road you'll wonder why you made such a horrible mistake. Trust me.

Answer 4

You're both holding on to the past. Remember that 10 years changes people drastically; neither of you will be the same person that you were in love with 10 years ago. And when you find that out, you both will be devastated and have hurt 2 people and the kids, if there are any.

Answer 5

Well, I see three choices:
1 - don't get married and tell your love to get a divorce (why live a lie, especially a miserable one).
2 - don't get married and sneak around with your love while they're cheating on their spouse.
3 - don't get married, but get everyone together and lay it all out on the line. Maybe your lover's spouse falls in love with your spouse-to-be, divorces your lover, leaving them free to be with you.
So it seems to me that you're in a situation where you shouldn't get married and complicate this een more than it already is. Keep it simple, babe. It don't need help to be complicated.

Answer 6

You should both realize that you can't be together and need to move on. The other person is married and you are engaged - that should be reason enough for you both to say goodbye and get on with your lives. You had your chance and it didn't work out. Now, put all your energy into your upcoming marriage and forget about this other person.

Answer 7

I'm kind of in the same boat. I loved a Russian woman 5 years ago. Saw her recently. Now she is married. We are both in love.

All I can say is: follow your heart. Don't deny your heart. Be true to yourselves, and, if this means each other, so be it. Better this hurt to the others than giving them only some of yourselves. A life of inattention. Humans cannot allow themselves to be slaves to others desires or emotions. The kids will feel it if your heart's not 100% in the marriage, it will be wrong for you, for your spouse to be, for all concerned. So: follow your heart. Think logically. Be true to yourself!

Answer 8

Both...sick and stupid. Unless you want to devastate your life(not to mention your future spouse) then you have to be responsible and let that other thing(whatever you want to call it) go. He's married and you're getting married...what is the future in it? What do you want? That is your past...let it stay that way. You should never see each other or communicate again. Come on..step up and have some class and be worthy to the one whom you've promised yourself to.

Answer 9

You love many different kinds of people in your life, whether its friends or lovers! I think you should love this old boyfriend as a friend because you entering a committed relationship. Rethink what you want to do, but its OK to love a lot of people. Just don't be too selfish and lead the other one on. How would you feel if your fiancee did that to you? Think about it & good luck!

Answer 10

Here's the deal...I would not CONSIDER getting married to anyone if I wasn't sure of my love...which of COURSE includes honesty,faithfulness and maturity. You cheated on your soon to be husband...is that what you are saying? How old are you? This is ridiculous, to say the VERY least. You would do yourself and EVERYONE a favor and see a good counselor. I will leave you with one thought...if you like the thrill of forbidden love, you should let your unsuspecting fiance know this. If you are a rational adult, you MUST know that what you are describing sounds like one of these depraved YAhoo teens talking about THEIR life. Please speak to a counselor before you make any big decisions.