I've been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months. I have a 9 year old daughter and 1 year old son. He is very close to my children especially my son. My stepmom (who since my mom passed away almost 5 years ago, is very close to me) and my dad divorced last year. My stepmom moved to Oklahoma with 2 of my sisters (I live in Southern Cali). She wants me to come out there for christmas but my boyfriend who will not be able to get anytime off for christmas cant go. He wants me to stay here so he can have christmas with me and my children. I want to be with him for christmas as well. My sister and stepmom are mad because they feel I am choosing a man over them but I dont feel that I am. I am, however, choosing my immediate family over them. My daughter wants to stay here as well. What do you think?
2006-08-17 10:31:47 · 29 answers · asked by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have also explained that we would come out next christmas but its not good enough for them
2006-08-17 10:33:16 · update #1
Babytalk: My stepmother has been in my family 21 years... she is still family regardless of the fact that my no good father who I wont be spening any holiday with ever divorced her (actually she divorced him for very good reason) and when I said immed family I wasnt refering to my boyfriend I was refering to what my daughter wants....
2006-08-17 11:32:18 · update #2
Well..........that's just dandy... you lose if you do...and lose if you don't........you have been put in the middle of other people's choices......it boils down to....what do you want?
"O" Wise One says........go with your heart on this one.
2006-08-17 10:49:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've known this man 8 months and your stepmom and siblings a lot longer. I would have an early Christmas with my boyfriend (or better yet make killer New Year's Eve plans!) and go visit my stepmom and siblings. That is me though. You have to do what is going to work for you and cause the least amount of hurt feelings in the future. Men come and go. Families are forever.
2006-08-17 22:07:27 · answer #2 · answered by hannahthemovie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like your stepmom or sisters are very much in the Christmas spirit. Sounds like you are an adult and as such are able to make your own decisions. Perhaps you can travel to Oklahoma to visit them sometimes over the holidays or they could travel to visit you. Whatever feels right inside for you - do it. Sounds like a lot of travelling for your kiddies age anyway. Be honest and communicate with them your reasons for staying where you are and hopefully they will be mature enough to accept your decision. Best of luck to you.
2006-08-17 17:44:27 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is always hard to have to make a choice between people and where to spend holidays is typical
my opinion is, that as long as he is a "boyfriend" and not a husband or a even a fiance, that you cannot claim that your are choosing your "immediate family", a boyfriend is no kind of family
that said, you should feel perfectly comfortable telling your mother or your stepmother or anyone that you are not traveling at christmas
my wife and I decided early on that we would not go anywhere for christmas ever, if grandparents or whoever wanted to be part of our christmas they needed to come to our house where it was going on
we tried to make trips other times to visit family but christmas was a show that we didn't take on the road
2006-08-17 17:40:49 · answer #4 · answered by enginerd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That position is always a tough one to be in. Can you go to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving? That might be a way to appease your stepmom. It's a real balancing act. I think you should do Christmas in So. Cal. and plan another trip either before or after to Oklahoma. Christmas is really a special time for your children and if they want to do Cal., you might lean that direction. See if you can go to Oklahoma during spring break. That might be another option. Good luck to you.
2006-08-17 17:40:11 · answer #5 · answered by mtndaydreamer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Choosing where to spend holidays is a tough one. You can either do one and disappoint the other, or you can try to do them both somewhat half a$$ by maybe going out to see your family for a few days leading up to Christmas and then get back home by chistmas eve, or the other way around. Either way, you won't be able to make everyone happy. Just the way things are.
2006-08-17 17:36:23 · answer #6 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to go with your heart. Your daughter wants to stay to...I think you should stay. If he is a really good man, and good to your children, stay. Visit your stepmom and sisters on the next holiday...or can you visit them for New Years?
2006-08-17 17:37:52 · answer #7 · answered by Author Al 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not what your boyfriend or your stepmom (who your dad has divorced last year) wants cuz one is not yet and the other one is no longer family. your immediate family does not include your boyfriend. but aren't you curious why your stepmom is insistent that you go spend christmas with her when your dad divorced her just last year? what about your dad? where is he going to spend christmas? if you are going to choose family, i suggest you spend christmas with your dad together with your 2 sisters. your boyfriend should understand if you decide to choose to spend it with your family. it'll also be nice for your daughter to learn at age 9 that there are social obligations to the family she has to attend to even if she does not like.
2006-08-17 18:26:25 · answer #8 · answered by babytalk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let them being mad because you have a life of your own upset you. Just tell them that it is not fair for them to make you choose because you love them and you also love your boyfriend. Try and come up with a compromise, see if they want to come and visit you for Christmas or if they don't and they aren't happy with waiting until next Christmas for you to go see them go see them sooner maybe for Thanksgiving or something like that just don't let them try and make you feel bad for doing what you feel is right for you at this point in your life.
2006-08-17 17:42:28 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay with your man.
If your sister and stepmom want to be angry, that is their choice. You can't help that.
What you're doing is choosing your immediate family which I think is a good move.
I would defintely, absolutely, stay with my boyfriend.
(Also read the book "Boundaries" by Cloud & Townsend, it talks about this kind of stuff, about not letting others' feelings like your stepmom's control you.)
2006-08-17 17:36:48 · answer #10 · answered by Cina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 possible solutions:
1. Go there for Thanksgiving, like someone else said.
2. Go there just before or after Christmas.
3. Ask if they can come visit you, instead.
2006-08-17 17:40:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋