This is the girl he dated before me off and on. He left the house with my dog saying that he was going to say hi to some friends at work...2 hours later I left to go run some errands and saw his car parked in a parking lot facing the road. When I pulled up his ex was in the car with him. My german shep was in his lap and she was sitting on the passengers side her car parked next to his...Of course I lost it, but he says I'm overreacting that their just friends, nothing happened.....He even wants me to apologize to her! I'm so mad I can't even function. WHat should I do?
2006-08-17 10:20:08 · 27 answers · asked by sragic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would say that you need to dump this liar and cheat and move on. He is not just a boyfriend.....he is a fiance. You are in for big trouble!!! If you stay with him and "forgive" him......then you will be asking for it and stop complaining and acting like a victim......he is playing you for a fool, sweetie!
2006-08-17 10:28:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has nothing to hide, then why did he feel a need to lie in the first place? I can't believe he had the audacity to say that you were overreacting. Maybe nothing happened, but that's not the issue. The issue here is the fact that he lied about seeing his "friends" when in truth he was going to see her? If your engagement is to go any further, then it's time to set things straight. You don't want to have to deal with a liar once you're married. A successful relationship is based on trust and if there is no trust, the marriage will fall apart eventually.
2006-08-17 10:42:38 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter that nothing happened, it sure does look bad. You didn't hit him with anything big when he suggested you apologize to her? I sure would have! He doesn't need to be friends with ex girlfriends and thats the end of that discussion. Are you friends with ex boyfriends? Would it be ok with him if you were? Would it be ok with him if you were lying about where you were going to meet them in parking lots for a chat? An ex is supposed to be someone who is not part of your life anymore, thats what ex means. If he wants to continue his relationship with her he shouldn't be in a realtionship with you! Don't get bullied here, its a power play, stick to your guns. If he wins this little battle then you are essentially saying its ok with you if he hangs out with his ex and obviously it isn't.
If you really want to solve this problem once and for all, quit bitching and go straight to giving him a taste of his own medicine, call up an ex of yours (or even a guy friend that pretends to be an ex) and make sure he knows you are spending time with this guy, tell him straight up I'm going to meet Bob for a drink be back later! When he protests say oh wait I'm sorry I thought you said it was ok for us to be friends with our ex's and at first I was mad but then I realized how many opportunities that opens up for me and I decided I like the idea, see you later! Make sure you are smiling and seem excited by the idea and then WALK OUT THE DOOR, even if you go sit at a restaurant by yourself let him think about it a while! I bet its suddenly not ok with him. When you get home make sure you mention that at least you didn't LIE about where you were going! Men very often don't fully understand a situation unless they experience it themselves, I've solved quite a few problems with mine exactly this way. You can talk until you are blue in the face and he will play the indignant, upstanding bf card (its usually just a game) UNTIL he knows how it feels. And by the way how exactly did she just happen to be in the same parking lot as he was? What a coincidence! Oh and absolutely, positively, no doubt about it DO NOT MARRY THIS GUY at least not for a long, long time, he obviously has no respect for you. This system will earn you some back but it is no way to live an entire life. Once you do this he will understand that he can't walk on you and that he will get back as good as he gives you and that will change everything! After 4 months of going through hell with mine I finally applied this system (because I was done with the whole thing anyway) and things changed instantly, he has been as sweet as anyone could hope for since then.
2006-08-17 10:49:23 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need to apologize...it looked suspicious as he was meeting some "friends at work". I would act the same way! Just move past it and make sure it doesn't happen again. Make it clear to him that in your mind it is not ok for him to see her like that. A hey how are you doing passing bye in the mall is fine but to park and sit and talk for who knows how long is inappropriate...don't you think???
2006-08-17 10:29:37 · answer #4 · answered by Workinmamma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Umm, this is a tough call for me. He IS your fiance, and not just your boyfriend, so that counts for something. I really want to agree with you, but if he was just talking.....I guess ask yourself this: Was it an accidental meeting and they were just talking, or had he planned this and lie by not telling you what he REALLY was doing. You be the judge, I guess. Oh, and as far as apologizing to the girl, NO WAY. Don't even think about that.
2006-08-17 10:29:56 · answer #5 · answered by Shadow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him !!!! That means he doesn't respect you right now, he migth not respect you later!!! If she is just a "friend" then will not tell you & why will she be in the car with him just to have a talk "I don't think so" .....SO forget about him someone better migth be waiting for you out there, it is your choice but I will not think it twice & left him no matter what he says, but like I said you have the last word!!! GOOD LUCK & BEST WISHES !!!!
2006-08-17 10:32:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my husband and I were engaged we both agreed to say goodbye to all our exe's. You know, cut the ties, we can't be friends anymore. That meant giving each other the opportunity to see them long enough to say good bye.
This may not be what you need to do, but I think you and your fiance need to have a conversation as soon as possible about what kinds of friendships and interactions will and will not be appropriate outside your marriage. This will probably mean both of you will need to sacrifice some friends and activities, but a good trusting marriage, is worth it.
good luck!
2006-08-17 10:33:49 · answer #7 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
[ A] Talk to him
[ B] Talk to the girl and apologize for your behavior, as in I'm sorry for overreacting to you.
[ C] Once that is done,
[ D] Leave.
[ E] Never look back.
Always, leave with grace, and head held high, because there is no reason why you have to be stuck in a mess such as this.
CIAO
2006-08-17 10:34:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get rid of the guy. You KNOW that meeting was no accident. So, he's meeting another woman. Are you stupid enough to think that's OK? Do you really need to catch him coming out of the No Tell motel? Dump his butt. And yes, you should apologize to his girlfriend- right AFTER hell freezes over.
2006-08-17 10:57:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A. DO NOT APOLOGIZE!! B. Ask why he didn't tell you he was going to see her. He will probably say because of how you reacted or he didn't plan it. Either way, if you can't deal with them being friends, you should start looking for someone else. If you tell him to stop talking to her, he WILL just say no. It's a man thing.
2006-08-17 10:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by jax0817 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋