im 19 and me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. im a virgin and debating if its time to have sex

Question

i am religious but i would be willing to have sex if i feel like it wouldnt hurt our relationship. we are extremely close and have a great relationship but i am just worried that sex will ruin our relationship especially because neither one of us have done it before. i really want us to be able to stay together but im worried that sex will make one of us bored or more curious about other people and ruin our chances since we havent had much experience. we've already waited over 3 years so lately ive been questioning why we're still waiting if we've already established our relationship. PLEASE HELP

Answer 1

ADVICE....If you're truly religious....and believe in the commands of abstinence....why put yourself through the heartache of guilt and sin ?

3 yrs....and you're only 19....you have many years ahead of you. Closeness can be with a kiss on the cheek, holding hands, touching ==(non-sexual). You're learning what a true relationship can be.

Putting the sexual aspect into a relationship sometimes hurt the equation putting to must emphasis and pressure on performance etc. It sometimes ends up as you've said yourself....after SEX then what!!

Don't go through LIFE with regrets of the should've, would've could've.

Counsel with your minister, rabbi, priest, reverand. ASK them this same question....get advice...on how to put your emotions in CHECK before you make a regretful MISTAKE!!

I would also like to interject...."BE CAREFUL WHAT IS HELD IN PANDORA"S BOX" sometimes the BOX is better locked and sealed than to be opened for the unknown!

Answer 2

You are religious?????????
So if you are religious why would you want to have sex, or perhaps you should rephrase the question (it's not even a question) or are you just being a hipocrit?

Sex will definately ruin all your relationships, your relationship with God # !. Why have premarital sex, or sex outside of marriage, 2nd thing the guy is never going to look at you the same way, men loose respect, 3rd you are very young and need to know what you are doing and what you want, also why you are doing it.

Don't do something you will end up regreting for the rest of your life!!!
And, by the way, you sound more in a hurry than him, shouldn't it be the other way around, and if you've established your relationship, that means you would've been married, that's what marriage is, the establishment of a relationship, a stable firm relationship, especially if you are a true christian woman, you will do the right thing and what the scriptures tell you, you've been taught..

Answer 3

I think you and boyfriend should talk about this and the pitfalls you may encounter if you go ahead and have sex. There is no way to know if any relationship will work forever. You could get married and have sex and the relationship fall apart. Life is a risk. If you love each other and are both ready for the next step in the relationship, it's a chance you'll have to take. Although premarrital sex can be issue, in this day and age there is nothing wrong with expertimenting and making sure this is the partner you want. Use protection. If the relationship doesn't work out, would be the end of the world... I don't think so.

Answer 4

When you say that you would be willing to have sex it sounds like you are making a compromise to me. You should want to do it. If you are worried that you all will split up after you all have sex then you shouldn't even be thinking about sex because that sounds to me like you are not secure in your relationship with him. There are a lot of questions that you need to ask yourself before making a decision:
1. Do I want to have sex? Why?
2. Do I think it is the "next" level of a relationship.
3. How will I feel after wards?
4. Why am I still a virgin?
5. Am I responsible enough to have sex?
These are just a few questions. You might think that they are stupid but just think about them. You have stayed a virgin this long for a reason. If you are thinking that it will some how bring you all closer, or that it is the "next" level don't kid yourself. You also have to think about birth control and STD's. Whatever you do don't rush in to anything if you are unsure or even have the smallest bit of doubt don't do it. There is a BIG plus to being a virgin. No kids, no STD's, no problems. Trust me the first time will not be all it is cracked up to be. Considering your guy has went through puberty it will hurt and there will be blood and you will be sore after wards. Now if you read all of this and can handle that last part and are still positive about it go for it.

Answer 5

It will completely change your relationship, not necessarily ruin it but since both of you are virgins you really don't know how it will change your perceptions. For example you might find that you love him so much more than ever before and he may decide that he has been missing out and wants to go experience more.

Also, since you stated that you are religious you are going to have to face the prospect of feeling guilty, which he may or may not share with you.

Basically, if you think you want to stay together forever, get married and then do it. You'll end up gaining something many people never have (a pure marriage).

If you don't care about that then just do it. That way you'll be better at then next time you meet someone. And you won't be hung up about it anymore.

Answer 6

You are a classic example of what it means to be religious without any spiritual connections. You don't believe what it is you spend your time on Sunday morning participating in. If you did, you would know that this is wrong before marriage.

Sure you can have sex, and what would it hurt. Well it might hurt you. Do you really want to be someone's experiment? Once you cross the line, there is no going back; you can't take it back.

You say your relationship is established. Is this all you want then? You don't want a life partner? You are content to date forever? If not, then I wouldn't waste this experience on a passerby boyfriend. I would wait until I was married and there is an investment at stake.

I waited, you can too. And you will be glad you did!

Answer 7

Why are you so worry about the issue? Is he asking for it! Look if in 3 yrs it hasnt been a problem it shows you that you are good together withouth the sex part so why open up the issue! If he is not asking you to be intimate it means he feels the same way you do and there is nothing else to worry about it. Sex doesnt ruin relationship nor saves them. sex is not an armor nor its a poision its just sex at the end, its suppose to bring you closer together but sometimes it just brings you apart!!!! Just like when Eve and Adam eat from the forbidden fruit it opens your eyes and feeling that have not reason to be there! Once you do it, u r getting attach either too much or just want your own a way after a while its hard to decide but, if it not worrying him and not asking you to do it, dont, its not issue so dont make it one!!!!

Answer 8

It WILL hurt your relationship. You have waited because you respect each other and each other's moral and ethical standards, not to mention Christian training. You would violate all of that for sex? It is NOT worth it. You will destroy your relationship or at the very least damage it permanently because you will never look at each other the same way.

Sex is a complete experience for two people. It is spiritual, emotional, psychological, and physical. Sex changes people and that is the way God designed it in marriage. That is why you see so much distress and "what should I do? Help" on here. Those people have violated God's principles and are paying the price.

Don't change your physical relationship until marriage. Make that your special gift to each other. Cherish your time together until the day you do get married and then GO FOR IT!!

Take care.

Answer 9

If I were you I wouldn't worry about it so much. If you are both happy with your relationship the way it is I wouldn't do anything to compromise it right now. When and if you ever decide to have sex make sure it's what you want and make sure it's what they want. Just remember sex isn't everything! A relationship is made on trust and friendship not sex. It's making each other happy and listening to each other. Just remember make sure you are both ready. Another thing you both young and innocent and you got your whole lives ahead of you. So being a virgin at this day and age is not so bad.

Answer 10

Try talking to your boyfreind about your feelings he might feel the same as you do. Also theres no rush to have sex but if you feel the time is right and this person is right for you than go for it. You two have been togther for three years so i dont think sex will ruine the relationship in fact good make the realtionship stronger and better because you both waited for each other.