I have been trying to have sex with my man and I am 18 years of age and I will be 19 in a few months. We have tried several times and I never go through with it. We have done oral 2 each other and thats it. I have known him 4 about 4 years and we been together going on 9 months.
Everytime we spend the night together I have in my head that I am going to finally do it, but it hurts so bad and then i just say STOOOOOOOP!!!!!! I tried to relax and we did use lubricant but it does not work. I think I am afraid of the pain. I know girls younger than me that can take it and I can't. Is something wrong with me? I really want to please my man other than oral. He sticks with me through everything. We are really in love. What do yall think??? Please give me some advice. I'm in desperate need of help. PLEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!! I don't even drink and I thought about getting drunk then maybe i will do it but he said he dont wanna do it that way because thats not good. Please help.
2006-08-17 08:57:02 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
You may have vaginismus.
Vaginismus is a condition which affects a woman's ability to have sexual intercourse, insert tampons and undergo gynecological examinations.
This is the result of a conditioned muscle reflex of the pubococcygeus muscle in which they clamp shut, making penetration either extremely painful or impossible. The severity of vaginismus varies from woman to woman.
It is important to remember that the woman does not choose for this to happen; it is a reflex reaction. Vaginismus can be compared to the response of the eye shutting when an object comes towards it.
A woman with vaginismus learns to expect pain to come with penetration and so her mind automatically sends a signal to her PC muscles to clamp shut, thus making penetration either impossible or very painful.
The conditioned reflex creates a vicious circle for vaginismic women. For example, if a teenage girl is told that the first time she has sex it will be very painful, she may develop vaginismus because she expects pain.
If she then attempts to have sexual intercourse, her muscles will spasm and clamp shut which will make sex painful. This then confirms her fear of pain as does each further attempt at intercourse. Every time the fear is confirmed, the brain is being "shown" that sex does hurt and that the reflex reaction of the PC muscles is needed.
This is why it is important that if a woman suspects she has vaginismus, she stops attempting to have sexual intercourse. This does not mean women with vaginismus can not partake in other sexual activities, as long as penetration is avoided. It is a common misconception that these women do not want to have sex as a lot of the time, they desperately do.
There is no one reason that a woman may have vaginismus and in fact, there are a variety of factors that can contribute. These may be psychological or physiological and the treatment required will usually depend on the reason why the woman has the condition.
Some examples of causes of vaginimus include sexual abuse, strict religious upbringing, being taught that sex is dirty or wrong or simply the fear of pain associated with penetration, and in particular, losing your virginity.
These are just some of the reported reasons behind vaginismus and there are many, many more. It is a very personal condition and so each case must be looked at individually as causes and treatment can not be generalised to all women with vaginismus.
Most women who suffer from vaginismus do not realise they have it until they try to insert a tampon or have sex for the first time and so it may come as quite a shock to them.
Whether they choose to treat the problem or not is entirely their choice and they should never be led to believe that vaginismus must be treated. It will not get worse or more serious if left untreated unless the woman is continuing to have sex/use tampons despite feeling pain on penetration.
2006-08-17 09:06:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
RELAX - thats really what you have to do ... when your body aniticpates something you "think" is negative it will tense up and make every muscle tighter than it needs to be. Losing your virginity shouldnt be a goal of yours now - it should be being with the person you love and trust ... because after all trusting you man WILL help you RELAX ...
In my life time - which has been sometime - I think us women tend to overstate what it was like the first time & how painful it was ... I for one did not have the painful symptoms every women seems to get their first time - so just enjoy life - relax and it'll happen ;-)
best of luck & happines
2006-08-17 16:06:11 · answer #2 · answered by wanderinglife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me as if your not ready. Love cannot be the only motivation for you doing it. If your so tense you mind as well wait a while to do it. And if you cant do it in a few months,then if he can't stand it then you knowi t wasn't worth it. Guys only wait until they can get it.
Honey if you know it hurts then he's obviously stuck it far enough up for you to know,and if a guy does that,then obviously your no virgin anymore and also oral sex is considered sexual contact anything that stimulates sex is sex,so your not a virgin for that either.
Don't get drunk to loose it either,because then it won't be memorable,my advice is wait to finish what you started.
2006-08-17 16:11:04 · answer #3 · answered by Ellie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its probably just in your head (the pain). The fact is that most girls have already broken their hymen by your age (excercise, tampons, horse back riding), so it shouldn't be a problem. And I mean its a different experience, but you just have to trust that if it does hurt it won't hurt for long. The longer you wait like this, the more the fear (And probably pain in your mind) is going to build up.
2006-08-17 16:06:20 · answer #4 · answered by thetheatregurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not ready yet. Your body may be saying YES YES but your brain is saying NO NO! Listen to your brain. When you are really ready, you will know the right time. Afraid of pain? When the time is really right, take things slowly. Make sure you are really turned on and ready to go. Kudos to your guy for not pushing you into it. I wish you the best. I only hope that when the time is right for you and your guy, you are aware enough to use birth control.
2006-08-17 16:11:03 · answer #5 · answered by empresstigerlily 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're scared of pain? I didn't have any pain my first time and that was when I was 19. If you're not ready maybe you should wait. If you are experiencing so much pain you have to stop, maybe you should see a doctor. I think the pain you feel is just in your head because you're scared.
2006-08-17 16:04:39 · answer #6 · answered by Muslimah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks as though maybe your body is trying to warn you about giving away the most precious possession you have. God made women to to cherished and care for by their husbands. Maybe you should rethink the value of your virginity and hold it until your husband , the man who loves you and God is willing to commit to you and your needs ..You have a second chance to keep what so many have given away and haste and with regret!!
2006-08-17 16:06:28 · answer #7 · answered by CURIOUS 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you love him and he loves you but man there is no rush you wont die a virgin if you wait. Just hold on to what you have stop don't continue, if you love each other so much why don't you wait untill you get married why don't you ask God for help...
He sounds like he is not desprate and you want him to love you not love your sex. Just wait because you wont regret it if you wait but you might if you don't.
2006-08-17 16:18:12 · answer #8 · answered by Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel that you have to loose it right now? There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. Wait til you are married. It will be worth it.
2006-08-17 16:04:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd go to the doctor teen clinic something like that.It's really great that your still a virgin though,why are you in a rush?DON'T DO IT DRUNK
2006-08-17 16:12:01 · answer #10 · answered by gem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋