What is the problem with sex?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 3 years. We both are 26, she is a HS teacher and I sell insurance. It seems like 90% of the time we have sex it is me that starts it. Why doesn't she more often. We will have sex 4 times a week and then go 2 weeks without. Any suggestions? What can I do to make her want it more. She always says something like" we need to do that more often" when we are done. I am sure she enjoys it.

She was not abused. She wakes up at 5:30am and me at 7:30am. We do not see each other in the morning. Some nights I don't get home until 8pm

Answer 1

I am married to a teacher as well.....7 years. I had the same problem and still do. One thing is you need to talk....OPENLY. Dont get shy, embarassed, no fighting, screaming and yelling. Talk with her, not at or to her. Tell her how and what u are feeling, ask her for her thoughts and ideas on the subject, and truely listen to her reasons. Come to a compromise.

Secondly, relax and dont pressure to much. U can still hint at it, and light push the issue, but if u are getting the signals that she is tired (that is one big reason for my wife.....being busy with all the school stuff), stressed or whatever.....back off. Might try to pamper her a bit.......make supper, foot rubs, back rubs, help with school work.........anything to help her with the pressure of her job. This will ease things off her and with her seeing u taking such an interest in her work and well being, she may decide to attack u (provided she get enough rest may be an issue). Feel free to email me or IM if you have any other questions or ideas on the subject.

Answer 2

She may enjoy it, but may be afraid to ask for what she really wants. Women have a stigma. If we express how much we really want/need/like it, we are afraid we are considered freaks, or something of that nature. One of the reasons you usually have to initiate sex is just out of the fact that it's a habit; she's used to you firing things up. Another reason that she doesn't initiate it more often is because being a teacher is truly one of the most stressful jobs a person could ever have. Think about it, in this day and age, a HS teacher deals with at minimum 180 children per day, and not just any children, but the ones who are struggling to be adults. And she has to wear multiple hats, that of teacher, role model, counselor, moderator, etc. Add to that, the fact that every night, she's either grading papers or doing lesson plans. The teaching profession isn't one of those jobs she can just leave at the office. So cut her some slack on the initiating bit and enjoy the ride. But definitely put your all into pleasing her...

Answer 3

You could sit around a few more years waiting for her to read your mind...Or, you could tell her you would find it really flattering / exciting if she would initiate sex sometimes. She might not see it as a woman's role, so if you don't mention it she will assume you are fine with things. If she says again that you should do this more often, that is a good conversation opener to tell her next time it would be really cool if she was the one to try n' get some.

Answer 4

Talk with her, tell her how you feel. Maybe it's the daily things of life getting in the way, she is too tired, etc. Or, maybe she is too shy to start anything. I was way too shy to start anything with my ex husband. I was scared that he would say no. I had been badly abused as a child, so starting something with my husband was extremely scarey to me.

You need to talk with your wife, let her know how you feel and what you want and need. She is the only one that can answer your questions, not anyone else. Ask her why she won't start anything with you, etc. I know that once I learned that I have control with what happens with me in the bedroom and the relationship, then I was able to start asking for sex/making love. Maybe this is something your wife needs.

Answer 5

You need to address this with your spouse. We can only give opinions on the matter, and she's the one who holds the answer. Communications is a key factor in relationships that most of us tend to steer away from and then situations get out of hand. Give her the chance to let you know why things are like they are, and you can explain your feelings on the matter so there can be an agreement made which may solve the situation.

Answer 6

From a women's prospective-she probably likes the fact that you start it because it still makes her feel sexy and that you still desire her. ( i know a man likes to know that too but I think from a women's view it remains important for a long time in the relationship) I tell my husband we should do it more often (after sex) all the time but with kids, work, etc. I barely have any personal time for myself and sometimes time just does not permit. Respect her for who she is and she will do the same for you.

Answer 7

wow this is kinda weird probably need to know more background on the situation does she have issues with sex for instance a prior rape or molestation (sorry to be so deep, but lot of times a woman's dislike of sex comes from something that happened in childhood) Was it always like this or did it just start for instance before you all married was things hot and heavy and now its kinda cooled off you know if shes not that sexually experienced she may be shy (yes its possible after 3 years) have some martinis before the sex to loosen her up and an erotic massage is always nice start introducing things like talking dirty maybe even dirty movies (trust me every woman wants to have the freak in them unleashed, with their husband of course of someone special, she'll love being naughty) and most importantly always be considerate of her feelings always make it feel like making love so she can always long for that special feeling Hope some of this works

Answer 8

Girls like to be seduced. Makes them feel pretty. Why you going 2 weeks without? At 26, I was doing it 3 times a day. It was almost always my idea, but so what.

Answer 9

It is difficult for a women to initiate sex, regardless of how often she would like to have it. As long as she is not telling you no then keep on being the aggressor, it makes a woman feel wanted and sexy.

Answer 10

I think mostly men start having sex directly and women want foreplays, kissing and hugging from a person and feel romantic about him. Give her a deep kiss before going to office and see she has been waiting for it the whole day.