How do you get the love back?

Question

With 5 kids and a husband who works hard to support the family, we are too busy for eachother. I do my thing and he does his. Even when he is home on weekends, I leave to go shopping. He sits at one end of the couch, I sit at the other. same thing when we go to bed. How do you get that love and affection back, or is it time to call it quits?

Answer 1

Call it quits??? Heck no. This marriage seems fine. You guys simply need to remember WHY you married. Yes, the kids are great. Yup, work does take up lots of your time. BUT, BUT, you need to remember that you guys are lovers, not just car poolers, shoppers, and child care workers. Get off your end of the couch, and move over by hubby. Shop during the week, and make sure you buy something sexy for hubby to see you wearing. You've just fallen into a rut, and are forgetting what is important- each other. The kids will grow up and leave, jobs come and go. Only the two of you should last till you die. Treat your marriage, and your spouse as the BIGGEST, most important thing on earth. You'll be fine.

Answer 2

I can imagine how hectic your day to day life must be but there is always a few minutes a day when you can spend some quality time together. Those times when you are one side of the bed/couch and don't talk, specifically. You are both just probably use to the same routine that you have going in order to keep things sane in a hectic house. Communicate with each other and see if you can't organize some sort of date night where it's just the two of you. I am sure you have to have some friends or family who wouldn't mind watching the kids for a couple hours while you went to dinner or a movie. Think back to the things that you did before the kids. The things that initally drew you two together and made you want to spend the rest of your lives together and start a family. Schedule say 20 minutes a night before you go to bed to discuss your day and what is going on in your lives. I am sure your husband just probably assumes everything is ok. When you talk to him don't accuse him or blame him just communicate that you need some affection and attention as his wife and not just the mother of his kids. Trust me, men are mostly blind to these type of things and aren't aware something is wrong until you tell them there is. He may surprise you and be missing the same things. Don't give up on your marriage without first trying to get back to the two people who walked down the eisle and promised to love each other forever. Most all couples go through this. Just communicate what you want and need from him and he may just surprise you.

Answer 3

Try kama Sutra cards and oils, insist on doing things together make him go shopping with you, take him to a club dancing or to a club you've never been to maybe take in a comedy show, go on a paddle boat ride just the two of you, do things you two have never done before, this is the best way to open new doors. When he sits at one end of the couch sit next to him, hold his hand, kiss his neck, light candles, get a sitter often, buy new sexy nighy's! If you make his lunch put love letters in it and chacolate kisses, spray pachuli oil or put dabbs on washable clothing or pillow cases around the house, draw him a bath with a few drops in the bath water, lavendar helps as well but not as much, Make a mom and dads time only when the kids are home set a certain time out each night or two or three times aweek to make this ttime, tell them it's a new rule, make it fun the kids will like that too....
Good luck & best wishes!

Answer 4

With 5 kids, you have had some type of contact. I say sit down and tell your spouse what your concerns are and what this is doing to your marriage.

I can't stress enough the importance of communication. By discussing the problem, you can at least here his side of the situation.

As a wife, you deserve affection and intimacy from your spouse and its his duty as part of his vows to give that to you and it don't cost anything but his time which he need to make as part of his husband duties.

Sometimes having kids take away or burden a relationship because you have to work harder to make sure they are provided for so you don't find the time to feel intimate or passionate about your spouse because of all your obligations.

Well, I suggest if you make a lot of kids don't be dumbfounded to the fact you have to take care of them and still have time for each other.

If he can sit on one end of the bed he can sit on the end your sitting at. If he can get in the bed with you, he communicate with you and see what can be done to salvage your marriage.

With 5 kids, I suggest communicate instead of calling it quits unless he decides he doesn't want to make the marriage better.

Answer 5

JESUS...dont call it quits.
when you went to school and had to study hard for a very important examn, did you call it quits right befor you took it? im sure not.
or when you were pregnant with your children. right befor giving birth, did you call it quits? im sure NOT.
dont give up. he is working hard to bring money into the house. he is working hard for you and the kids and im sure that he puts himself last.
you are also working hard and putting yourself last too.
the first thing on your list and on his list is to put eachother first on your list.
make sure you know how he feels. ask him how his day went. ask him what he wants. get involved in his daily stuff.
you should give the kids over the granma or someone else and you two should take off OUT of the house and go to a resort and spa. those places can change a relationship fast. there you will have time together. you should spend the weekend. at least two nights. the nights are more important. make sure you talk about your relationship. show him you love him. tell him you want the SPICE back and both of you should work hard to get it back. good luck and please dont quit on him.

Answer 6

Act like you don't give a crap. Don't make yourself available at all. You take care of five kids. It's always easier to punk out and quit. Have you talked to each other about things becoming too comfortable around the house as it pertains to your relationship? If not, talk about it first. If your needs aren't getting met with him, you may need to get a toy or get you a boy toy. Ignore him and let him see that whatever it is that he may or may not be doing is boring you just as well as he's acting like you're boring him. When you go out, fix yourself up don't rush to go home, take your time and have him wondering where you are. When he asks, tell him you were shopping, which you probably were. Just make your answers straight and simple. Have him guessing and don't give him so much information anymore. He would eventually become interested in your sudden mysterious way of behaving. He'll try to be a little more aggressive in the bedroom, still don't treat him like king. If you are used to dressing up for him in the room, don't do it anymore. If you don't do it, you might want to start, but get comfortable with it and own the role playing skill before you present it. The key is confidence. Play on his reaction. If he acts uninterested, tell him you were just trying to help him out, smile, wash up and go to bed. Even if he dosen't follow, he'll be wondering and confused. Get you a toy though. Take care of yourself first, don't depend on anyone else to do it. Be happy and confident with you, fix yourself up and be pretty for you and you'll feel happy and sexy. All for you. He comes next. He'll see that you are doing it for you and not for his attention. Although that is what you'll be getting in return.

Answer 7

Turn off the t.v. and talk. The problem is that you guys have moved each other down on the list of important things you have to do in life. I know this because I was the guy watching t.v. as my wife started to slip away. You have to becomes friends again. Do things without t.v. There is no spark without friendship. Go for a walk, sit in his arms on the porch. Set a time to go to bed for everyone that give you guys an hour to cuddle and talk each night. You have to have communication.

Answer 8

You just have to remember the little things. When ya'll are sitting on the couch cuddle up together. When the kids are asleep take 20-30 minutes to just talk about anything and everything. Just slow down enough to make it work, and don't forget why ya'll fell in love in the first place.

Answer 9

there are too many variables to give a true answer to whether you can get it back or not. however, there are things you can try to do to bring it back, but you have to be pro-active. definitely, you both need a break from the children...a night out, dinner, movie or whatever it is that you did before children that you have in common. little things...kiss more often and not the quick kiss, hold him for that extra second where it catches him off-guard. he should then return the favor with flowers or something cute. you just have to put a little more effort in and i know it must be really hard with 5 little ones...i wish you the best of luck, you can it if you want to!

Answer 10

You don't need to get the love back, just the romance. A racy movie isn't bad, but if you can unload the kids for a night, check into a local hotel. Marriott has a romance package for about $150 and it comes with a bottle of champagne and breakfast in bed.