when your friends child misbehaves?

Question

I dont really know what to do about my best friends son that is 3 1/2 and totally misbehaves and is not disciplined. he acts out in public and at home and my friend seems to make up an excuse for everything he does. he mistreats his sibling, is rude to me and has hit me in front of his mom. he defies everything my friend says and my friend doesnt do anything to him. I see how he is to his baby sister and the mean things he does and then manipulates my friend about what he just did and my friend buys into it. What do I do and what should I say to my friend? I really care about them and I dont want to lose our friendship, but I really can't handle her kid anymore.

Answer 1

I would try sitting your friend down and explain to her that her son has been very difficult to handle by yourself and feel that your friend should try and figure out why he is acting out. If she is a true friend than she would appreciate your advice and not get mad.

It is not your place to really tell her how to parent her child however if he is hitting you than you should tell him no that it is not nice to hit people and hopefully your friend will get the hint.

Answer 2

Here's what you do. It's always worked for me. When your friend brings her child around you get down to his level (ie; on your knees or sit in front of him) with his mother right you look him in the eye and you say, "I can't help how you treat your mommy, and your baby sister, but I can help how you treat me. If you misbehave when your mommy and I visit you will not be allowed at my house anymore."

Your friend needs to get a handle on her son before he gets older.
If you think it's bad now, he will disrespect her even more. She'll spend more time in the principal's office and the police station more than her kid.

Answer 3

Wow, that child sounds like an awful brat! Anyways, to help you understand, children are not born brats, they are TRAINED to be brats! I know! It's awful! but obviously your friend doesn't know how to set limits to her child, I say it's obvious because this kid has hit you in front of his mother. If this child is disturbing you, you cannot talk to him because he will not understand. He will not understand because his mother raised him that way, so he will think that you are wrong and that he is right. It is time to speak with his mother, I know you are afraid that you will lose your friend, but you shouldn't be. Good friends stick together, no matter what, and they can handle being criticized or being spoken to because they are causing a problem. Again, all that you can do is speak with the mother of this child about how his behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE to you, and that you deserve respect. Good luck with this kid.....he sounds terrible..

Answer 4

You can say, I know a jail cell with your child name on it if you don't get him in control.

Just kidding.

I feel bad for you that you have to be subjected to this out of control child who parent is condoning what the child does by making excuses for him instead of disciplining her child to obey her and respect others.

This is why you have so much ill in society today because people are raising their children with lack of discipline only to pay for it later when the jail population increase or the school drop out level increase, or the child doesn't make anything decent out of themselves in life because they were never shown responsibility.

I say sit your friend down and be honest and let her know that the way she's going with this child will probably make her life a living he** because soon or maybe already no one will invite her anywhere or want to see her or this child coming.

She is harming the child by letting him be out of control at such a young age. Imagine when he get to be a teenager, young man, and adult and he lacks the disciplined he will need in life.

Answer 5

You should probably let her know your frustration level with the kid and let her know that you are trying to be a friend and not dictate how she should discipline her child. She needs to understand though that she cannot let a 3 year old call the shots and that she is the parent. If she can't handle this, it just further proves how immature she is and probably shouldn't have kids!

Answer 6

This is lazy parenting. My sister was like your friend. What I did was to tell her,when your kids misbehaved, "do you want to correct them or should I???" She would tell them to stop what ever they were doing.BIG DEAL!! No discipline... I kept on asking her. Finally she did something(but not much). I would try to put some distance between you and her. She will ask ,Why?" Tell her the truth. She needs you more than you need her.good luck.

Answer 7

This is really an awkward situation, isn't it? My first instinct is to suggest that you start doing things with your friend when her kids are with their father, but really, what are friends for? I think you should talk to her about her situation. Think of specific times that he's acted inappropriately and point them out to her, but not in a hateful way. Tell her that you're concerned about him and his behavior and that you want to help her get the situation under control now before she has an out of control juvenile delinquent on her hands. Then offer to take a parenting class with her or buy her a book on parenting. If she doesn't take you up on any of your suggestions, then meet with her without the kids.

Answer 8

Listen....you can never ever say anything to anyone about their kid. Keep out of it. If you can't handle the little kid, you shouldn't put yourself in the situation where he will be there to annoy you. It's a terrible thing to have a 'out of control' child. But it's not his fault. He only does it because he knows he will get away with it.

If you say something to your friend, their reaction will be..." who the hell are you to critisize my kid???" Trust me...don't do it. If you enjoy your freinds and their company, endure the child or don't go to them when you know the child is there. It's hard but not all kids are like that. It's the parents that need to take action. And you shouldn't have to point it out because trust me....they are both very aware of his distructive behavior, that with time, if not taken care of will escalate to major problems.

Keep your comments to yourself and like I said, keep out of the kids way.

Best of luck.

Answer 9

when the kid hits you and has no respect to you .In a nice but firm way talk to him at the time it happens and tell him thats not a nice thing to say not a nice thing to say. .if the friend isnt gonna do it then you do it yourself.. maybe the friend will catch on. .ive been in situations like this and tried this .and it does help .i think chances are if you just right out tell the friend shes most likely gonna get mad.but she sees you doing this she might start to catch on .. .dont want to lose a good friend ..but what happens away from you i say is there business ..but when around you do it yourself .if shes your friend she will respect this.
good luck

Answer 10

all i can think of is to explain to her in as tactful a way as possible, that it can be a bit taxing on you to spend a lot of time with her child. perhaps you could arrange to speak on the phone more, or put in on a babysitter so that you both could do some things together every once in a while.

i know this is a delicate issue, and i hope you'll receive some useful solutions.

good luck.