make my shitey day better?

Question

please, anything that might make me smile? =(

you lot crack me up! what days you have all had :) and thanks for giving me a good hard reality check, by reminding me of those worse off, I appreciate it

Answer 1

Ok today on the tube right, our trained kept stopping then as it moved again would jerk badly, so i musta dropped my book, and the guy standing opposite me did so too,
we ended up bumping heads, he laughed so much boggers came out his nose (his like a posh buisness man)
that was funny to see lol...then he wa like *in a posh voice* oh dear pardon me....lol
i just laughed some more hehe...
well hope that made you smile, it made me laugh !

cheer up mate!!

Answer 2

Hi hon. Brad Pitt here. Never mind the pic, it was taken before make-up. How about a little kiss to cheer you up? Come on, purse your lips, close your eyes and slowly move in on the screen. Can't be t h a t bad.


Theeere you go. Tongue-kiss right back at ya. Was that so hard now?

Answer 3

When I was 7 I ate a snail. Then some ants, which tasted like pepper, When I was 9 I invented peanut butter, when I was 13 I played the Tuba. I have projectile diarrhea sometimes. Anything else?

Answer 4

Wrote you a little poem

A goat got up at five to one
and thought he d put some trousers on
he found his legs( the normal four)
were two two many ...was he sore..!!
for goatish trousers theres a lack,
with 2 legs front and 2 legs back,
demand is slow so no one make em
if some were made this goat would take em,,!!
I have no goatish Ax to grind
its something thats been on my mind..?

Answer 5

At the age of 59 I had my first swimming lesson today. I wear glasses, so imagine how embarrassing to have to ask a child where locker 174 was as the wording on the lockers was so small that I couldn't see. They all look the same so I had no idea where my stuff was!

Answer 6

Ah sorry you had a shitey day.
I on the other hand had Gilbert O'Sullivan in my head singing 'What's in a Kiss' for 8 hours. Not nice.

have a look at this, I really hope it cheers you up.

Love IQ.
http://www.explodingdog.com/january2/smileitwillbeokay.html

Answer 7

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!

Answer 8

my daughters pink furby scares the crap out of me the batteries were going dead last night and she left the on button on so it kept making these satanic noises and i couldn't find where it was coming from keeping in mind i was half asleep i finally found it and without thinking i kicked it against the wall and broke it,and went back to sleep the next day my daughter was devastated naturally and i blamed the dog,i also am having a shitty day now i have to find another pink furby and i cant look my dog in the eyes anymore he knows i framed him i think that's the last karmic straw I'm going to hell in a hand basket for furbycide

Answer 9

well you could always pass gas. This seems to make babies smile like nothing else. You have to wonder if it is because it feels good or if they know it stinks and you can't do nothing about it.

Man if I could only be a baby again sleep all day some hot woman feeding me, and passing gas at will!

Answer 10

Did you hear the story about the man who got his nipple bitten off by a beaver? TRUE STORY. So two man were riding down the ride shirtless. There was a dead beaver in the ditch and they stopped to look at it just out of idiocy. Guy number one gets in the ditch with this dead beaver and picks it up by the tail and exclaims..."its dead". Apparently "it's dead" are the two words that bring dead beavers back to life. The animal then bit Guy number one on the chest and permanently removed his nipple. The beaver got away safely. So kids don't play with your road kill.