In the past four months I found out my husband was having an affair - we divorced. During the four months he has changed his mind a number of times - he would tell me he wanted to come home and then return to her. I finally told him to take some time and figure out what he wanted from life. What did he do? Start up with her again. Now he plans to move in with her in December and has introduced her as a "friend" to our son. I asked him why he was in such a rush. We were married for ten years! Any ideas on why he is in such a rush when he is obviously very confused? I believe he is self-destructing and heading for another failed relationship. How do I protect my son from his father's craziness?
2006-08-17 08:10:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to clarify the situation - when my husband and I decided to separate and ultimately divorce - we both agreed that we would not introduce someone else into our son's life until we were sure the relationship was going to be serious. My husband and I separated on April 1 - two weeks later he entered into a contract to build a house with the other woman. He had been seeing her for two months. He is her boss. He has only known her for eight months. Three times in the past four months he has asked me to stop the divorce. I refused - I asked him to take some time and figure out his life. A month ago he told me he still loved me and wanted to come home. I told him If we were to try again we would have to start from scratch - rebuild trust. After ten years of marriage we had alot to figure out - why the relationship failed, where we went wrong. I believe he is very confused. I know I have no control over him - I would just like for him to think about how his actions could impact our son.
2006-08-17 09:31:23 · update #1
Dad's lost in fantasy land. Happens all the time.
He's popping in and out of reality..that's why his behavior is so confusing to you (& him).
If you are done with him...move on. You need to ask yourself that question.
If you want to try for reconciliation, you need to get him back to reality, without applying pressure.
He needs to see you for the wonderful person that made him want to marry you.
Concentrate on your life, not his. Your son is part of your life & his...don't use him as a weapon for revenge. As the mom, you are in the driver's seat when it comes to children.
When he looks over at you and sees what he is giving up...and when he begins to see that his 'new life' isn't all roses, he will begin to spend more time in reality.
If he stays with her, you will be well ahead in reestablishing your life.
If he comes crawling back, you will be in the driver's seat (as you were when your first dated him).
2006-08-17 08:25:59 · answer #1 · answered by hellsbells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, the new relationship will not work. Men who cheat do it for the excitement, not because their wives aren't good enough. Second, he will cheat on her, be patient. Most important though, and this will be hard, you have to develop a civil relationship with this woman. She will be spending time with your children, you want to know what kind of person she is and what she will be telling your children. To make an enemy of her will not be in your best interest. Don't worry about him and the mistakes he makes, sit back and watch. He's an adult, he can rush if he wants to (though how long was he seeing her before divorce)
2006-08-17 08:33:46 · answer #2 · answered by st pete rn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you allow yourself to be placed in the middle of your ex husband confusion, your son need to be protected form the craziness of both of you.
If your divorced from him, why do you even care what he does as long as it isn't disrespectful to your son and unhealthy for his environment then you have valid concerns.
I don't see how he can want to come home when he gave up that home by getting a divorce and you still consider he got a home in your home talking about confusion.
I wouldn't accept a man who jumps from one bed of confusion to another because he's getting the best of both woman and worlds why their stressing out trying to figure him out.
His confusion will be just his confusion the fact that I had to divorce shows me I need to move on and stop letting him interfere with my mind.
2006-08-17 09:05:26 · answer #3 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not protect your son from his fathers ignorance, just make your son understand that he will be better off in life if he can learn from his fathers mistakes... Explain to him that knowing what you want before you leap is a good indication for sucess! Sorry your x is out there! You are a strong understanding woman and I wish you and your son nothing but happiness!
2006-08-17 08:20:38 · answer #4 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let it be known that he is not to be around her and your child at the same time. What arrangements do you have about parenting? custody wise? I know that you can put in there that there can be no overnight visits with your child present, unless they are married. If he moves in with her and they are not married he can not have overnight visits with your son. I know that sounds spiteful but I think it is in the best interest of your child. Men are sometimes stupid with children's feelings, not to say that some women are not but they are more open to the emotional side most of the time.
2006-08-17 08:22:47 · answer #5 · answered by Jessica M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's an adult and can do whatever he wants as fast as he wants.
Since this woman is obviously an important part of your, now ex, husband's life, there's nothing you can do.
You tell your son the truth. That that is dad's girlfriend and they are moving in together and that he should be nice to her when he visits his father's house.
2006-08-17 08:18:33 · answer #6 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont worry about your son. what he is doing is normal. his feelings for you are obviously over, and he may have them for her. this has nothing to do with your son. introducing her was the right thing for him to do. if shes going to be a part of his life, your son will be too. just be friendly, dont cause trouble. it makes bad for the kid.
my fiance has a son to his exgirlfriend, and shes been absolutely horrible to us. child support is 120 bucks a week, we cant afford anything with that. and i get angry, because im suffering because its not even my kid, and me and him fight about it, and him and her fight about it, all in front of the kid.
it hurts the kid. if you love him, (your son), do whats best for him. forget the father. move on, just as he did. dont be hateful to them, then she wont be hateful to your son. be nice, and so will he, and so will she. bite your tongue when youre around them.
2006-08-17 08:20:05 · answer #7 · answered by Erin P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The very unfortunate truth is that you can't protect him from it. All you can do is be there for him (your son) when things go wrong. You can't control what other people do, no matter how much you want to.
2006-08-17 08:18:07 · answer #8 · answered by mcnees79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good luck
2006-08-17 08:17:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋