Why do women get so upset about porn and/or other vices? I don't understand it.?

Question

I never found a problem with porn (as long as it's legal porn, of course). And I look at it too.. what's the big deal?

My husband and I have a great marriage, I just get saddened when my female friends put a strain on their marriage by objecting to things like porn, guys night out, smoking, etc. It's a strain that doesn't need to be exist.. just chill out and give your spouse some freedoms.

My husband and I have different sex drives and he watches porn if I'm not in the mood. I'd much rather he do that walk around every day with a raging hard on for every woman that comes near him.

The reason I say this is I've seen questions on here regarding restricting porn and I also have two female friends who have pretty much ruined their marriage because they've put too many restrictions on their husbands, including no porn, no smoking, no hanging out with the boys, etc. A marriage like that winds up being more like a nagging mother/son relationship than a husband wife relationship.

By the way.. we don't smoke but I'm just using that as an example. It could be anything from watching sports to drinking socially. And to echo someone's sentiments, I point out the hot women to my husband too. I'll go, "Honey.. look in the direction of 4:00. You haven't seen her yet but you'll go nuts!"

Answer 1

Ah, a kindred spirit! No, there is nothing wrong with porn as long as it isn't a substitute for normal relations between partners. If my hubby watched porn and then wanted nothing to do with me (and vice versa) we'd have a problem, but we have a collection that we enjoy together or alone, no restrictions there. I could care less if he went to t!tty bars - I'll even go get a stack of ones for him if he is going. He doesn't go often because he happens to think it's a waste (it really is, but it's fun sometimes) but it's there for him to do if he wants to. I think there are some ladies who are so threatened by other women that they can't stand the thought of "their" man looking at another. They don't get that marriage does not equal ownership - this can be destructive if they don't see eye to eye on that. Hell, I point out hotties to my hubby all the time! He can look all he wants - I know at the end of the day he's coming home to me. Who gives a cr@p where the appetite comes from as long as they eat at home, right? ;)
Now, I have to disagree with you on the smoking thing. Cigarettes are death, no two ways about it. We both have family obligations - two kids, each other and an oppressive mortgage. We can't afford to flirt with cancer and emphysema. We are both former smokers - I quit long before he did and yes, I nagged him about it. However, he knew I was on him about it because I loved him and wanted to keep him around for as long as possible. Neither of us has any desire to pick that habit back up again.

The mother/son relationship thing is really pathological - they're doomed from the outset. These are the guys who 'rebel' by going out and finding someone who's a little more fun to be with than the ol' ball and chain.

You and I will be happily celebrating our 50th wedding anniversaries decades from now while these crazy harridans are sitting in a bingo hall smoking menthols wondering why the kids never call. ;)

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I wholeheartedly agree with you. Granted, I don not watch porn...however, what I am in agreement with you on is the restrictions that women sometimes put on their husbands...I have never been that way, granted I will not let my husband do whatever the hell he wants..but I trust him enough to know that if he has a boys night out or whatever, he is still coming home to me because he loves me. I find that the people who do have restrictions with their mates are the ones who have insecurities themselves and those insecurities reflect on their significant others.

I had a friend who was in a relationship with a guy for like 3 years. Not too mention, this guy was a good friend of my husbands...we would not steer my friend in the wrong direction..Anyway, my friend felt it was necessary to go to the extremes of searching the hard drive of his computer as well as putting duct tape over animated pics of girls in video game magazines! Talk about extremes...but I must say she was in several bad relationships before hand, where she would not act that way...I guess she was sort of driven to it. The point is, everyone needs some freedom, despite being in love, we are all humans and deserve to embrace things we enjoy on our own time.

Answer 4

A couple of reasons...first and foremost is that most women feel threatened by things like porn, because they feel liek their mate should be giving them all the attention. It goes the same with other vices...for the most part they are jealous of anything that is a threat to time away from them. In some cases it is just the way they were brainwashed/raised. The women that suppress their men are usually the ones that have unfaithful husbands because the more men can't have something, the more we want it. So, if you thing withholding those things from us is helping us or making you feel better, you are wrong. We will want it more and will go overboard when we have access to it. Better to compromise, open your minds a bit, and allow/participate in some things in moderation. You'll have a happier spouse and you might just find that some things are fun and not the evil thing your parents and stuffy friends told you it was!

Answer 5

If a wife does not want her husband to watch porn, then he shouldn’t. They are sharing their lives with each other, and if one person’s actions cause pain for the other, that action should be stopped. If the wife has no problems with it, then fine, have at it. Guys get so defensive over porn, it’s pathetic. What kind of life is someone living where porn is so important? Men that are so adamant about their need for porn, despite its negative effects in their relationships, just aren’t working with much in the brain department, in my opinion.

Answer 6

It probably has a lot to do with upbringing - I don't know. Many people seem to hold very concervative views about sex; I'm not one of them - maybe it is partially because I was raised in a trusting and open atmosphere where I could always discuss any issue with my parents, and I always got serious answers, and not simply "you can't do it because it's bad" kind of crap. I don't necessarily want to "know" that my husband likes to look at porn, but I make it clear that there's no problem if he does it on his own time. (I do hate smoking, and I would simply never date or marry a smoker; but it wouldn't be right to marry one, and then nag him for the rest of your life.)

Answer 7

I think it definately depends on the guy. If he is nice and respectful to his wife and uses porn in moderation then that is just fine. But, many guys become addicted to porn and then act very strangely in a social setting. I dated a guy like this and he freaked out all of my girlfriends. It was strange.

So, I guess my answer is no, it doesn't bother me if it's in moderation and doesn't interfer with reality. I do think however that many woman act the way your friends do because their guys act like total pigs and can't be controlled. Many times the woman get blamed for being jealous when it's the men that give them reason to.

Answer 8

Well it can be insulting for some women. They can think that their man is not thinking about them, but the women on the tape. They are in a sense jealous, but figure there is a certain amount of respect that they deserve, so they get mad. I figure, as long as it is not something that is being hidden, and the woman has the option of being included, then it is ok. As long as the man does not try to pressure the woman into watching porn if she is not into it.

Answer 9

I am all for what you are saying, but I really think you need to also say that some men ruin relationships by not being open to girls enjoying all of the things you have mentioned. I simply have never allowed any man to tel me what to do and what not to do. Once we have that straight, things are usually pretty good. And I am not some wild slave driving dominatrix, not even close, I am independent economically and I don't take crap from anyone. It is equality or nothing for me. And I have no trouble finding dates...none at all.

Answer 10

I don't get it either! Porn has become such a big issue with the internet. I never would care about that. People act like looking at porn is cheating on them or something. I agree with smoking too. You married your husband and then you totally want to change him... crazy.